One Body

"The day was drawing to a close, and the twelve came to Him and said, ' Send the crowd away, so that they may go into the surrounding villages and countryside, to lodge and get provisions, for we are here in a deserted place.' But He said to them, 'You give them something to eat.' They said, 'We have no more than five loaves and two fish- unless we are to go and buy food for all these people.' For there were about five thousand men. . . Jesus, taking the five loaves and the two fish, looked up to Heaven and blesses and broke them, and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd. And all ate and were filled. What was leftover was gathered up, twelve baskets of broken pieces." -[Luke 9: 12-17.]

Just today, I helped the Community Outreach ministry, by transporting some of the over 200 bags of groceries donated by parishioners, to the town food pantry.

The director of the town food pantry greeted us joyfully. It is summer and the shelves of the pantry are almost bare. Low-income children who eat free breakfast and lunch at school are out of school, so they go hungry. Hunger knows no season or even social class. A family living in a mansion may find that the main bread winner has been laid off. The house is worth a lot but you cannot eat from an asset value.

People for centuries have wondered about the meaning and the explanation of the parable of the Loaves and Fishes.

At its heart, this parable speaks to me about hunger. In the crowd around Jesus, the hunger was not visible. And yet, it was there.

I grew up a hungry child. In my dysfunctional family, we had money and we had assets but I was fed inconsistently. At age five, I had learned the signs that would portend what nights I would receive no dinner. I had to learn the days of the week. Wednesdays were a poor bet for dinner. I would eat a bigger lunch at school. Then, I would appear at a neighbor's house, looking very hungry. Often, the neighbor, a poor widow herself, would give me a piece of bread with butter and a glass or two of milk. One mom would see that I might be cold and give me a bowl of chicken soup.

Today, I wonder if we see the hunger in others? I had a physical hunger as a child. But I also had a spiritual and emotional hunger. I was never hugged or told, "I love you." I was called a failure. If I reported that I was cold, I was told to, 'Stop acting up.'

The tender Love in this parable makes me teary-eyed. It is all that I longed for as a child. All that I lacked.

In a Christian church, we are one Body. We are all different, with different races, social classes, needs, gifts and talents. We are equal in the eyes of God, but we are not the same. Each of us is critical to the health of the whole.

The Body of Christ is not just in the community, but is in each one of us. Upon our Baptism, we receive the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us, and draws us closer to God's Son.

In case anyone believes that all this is just theological "mumbo-jumbo", there are real life consequences for this belief-

When I help another person, I am seeing and aiding the Jesus who abides in him.

When I tear another person apart, with my words or my actions, I am tearing apart Jesus.

I cannot even walk away and ignore another person in the world. . . because we are all part of one body. I am responsible for you, and you are responsible for me. We are one. If I walk away from another person, leaving him to flounder on their own, I am walking away from Jesus!

I can say, "Well, you are Jewish, or a slave, or a woman or, or. . ."  But the call is to encounter everyone, Jewish or Gentile, man or woman, slave or free.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, " In a real sense, all life is inter-related. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."

This is the meaning of the parable of the Loaves and Fishes. Jesus multiplies the Love exponentially, by offering His Body up for us. He says, Whatever you do unto the least of my brothers, you do unto me.

As a child, I received one bowl of soup, one piece of bread and butter. I received a ride home from a neighbor, on a cold day. Now, the great multiplier is Jesus Himself. As I see His face, His need, in all the people who are hungry, I feed the many.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in his book, "The Cost of Discipleship", "It is impossible to become a [new creation in Christ], as a solitary individual. It is the Spirit who brings Christ to each several member, who builds up the Church by gathering individual members together."

This is why Jesus says to His disciples, "YOU give them something to eat."  This is why Jesus says to His disciples, "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." -[John 13:35].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

From Trouble To Hope

"Brothers and sisters: We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by Faith to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, character, and proven character, Hope, and Hope does not disappoint, because the Love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." - [Romans 5: 1-5].


I confess that I have spent a lifetime bemoaning all the affliction, - that is, troubles - I have had in my life. Loving friends and relatives have told me that I "need to get over it." As if I am coated in some kind of personal Teflon, and all the traumas of life can merely roll off me with no effect.

As if. . . Each trauma and crisis soaks into my soul. Trauma does things to you. I have become hyper-vigilant, waiting for the next disaster to come: the death of yet another key person in my life, the severe abuse of my childhood resulting in nightmares and flashbacks.

We are human, after all, not robots. A negative event cannot simply "fail to compute", and fall away, inert.

Some well-meaning people tell me, "Everyone has had bad things happen to them." But that makes me feel only worse. Why do people have to minimize what others go through? Have I had more than a lifetime of woe?

So, I start to recite:
Newborn: I almost died before I cam into this world. My mother nearly died, too.
Three: I came very close to drowning in a neighbor's pool.
Four: There was a fire in my grandparents' house.
Five: My dysfunctional mother did not feed me consistently. I had to find food at the neighbor's.
Six: I was diagnosed with severe asthma. My mother was a chain smoker.
Eight: Because of continual family, abuse, I shut down my emotions.
Ten: My beloved grandfather, my only ally, died. I stopped speaking.
Fourteen:  A member of the extended family committed suicide.
Eighteen: I became aware of my father's abuse.
Nineteen: My mother threatened to cut off tuition and threatened abandonment.
Twenty-three: I was the victim of a violent crime and nearly lost my life. My parents refused to allow me to come home to recover.
Forty-One: My husband and I nearly lost our infant son.
Forty-two: A massive maple tree fell directly in my path, nearly killing me and my infant son.

A Catholic friend with inspiring Faith once told me, "But all your suffering brings you closer to Jesus." I told her, "That is like someone telling you to get severely ill, so you can check into a hospital, in order to meet a cute doctor."

Lately, I am starting to see the wisdom of Romans 5, however.  The only comfort I get over the growing pains my teens son has, is to talk to other parents. We commiserate that none of our sons really WANT to take out the trash. The kids would rather indulge in screen time, and they require more than a few reminders to do their chores. I even spoke to a friend from Africa, and he laughed and said, 'More than a few boys fall asleep when they are supposed to be minding the cows, and the cows wander off. Then, there is trouble.'

Affliction produces endurance. Shared affliction produces community and even Love.

I remember telling some of my story to a wise nun. She told me, 'Your story is awful. But, go back and look over those years. God was there, somewhere. He is always there.'  And so, the next time I saw her, I told her how the neighbors fed me, or gave me rides to school when I was left to trudge in the snow alone. My parents told me that there was no God. I did not believe them. My tiny flame of Faith, which I had to keep hidden from them, was enough to give me access to God's grace. It was His grace that rained down on me when I was fed, taken in out of the rain, and encouraged by others. It was God's Love carried forth by my neighbors.

Beyond that, Christians are to keep their eyes on Jesus, not on our troubles. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book, "The Cost of Discipleship", said, "If we behold Jesus Christ, going on, step by step, we shall not go astray. But, if we worry about the dangers that beset us, if we gaze at the road instead of at Him who goes before, we are already straying from the path. For He Himself is the Way." - I have to tell myself, that whatever it is that I face, Jesus has faced Himself, and then some. If Jesus cannot walk with us in Love, no matter what we face, no one can.

From affliction comes endurance, and from endurance character. Sometimes I don't think of myself as having strength of character. But many people who know me say that when they see me, they see Strength. I could not have survived what I have without strength of character. It is what has made me refuse to give up.

It has been a hard-won strength. I am asked all the time what has saved me? I say, "Hope. And Faith".

Call me foolish to be a Christian. But I have survived only because I have Hope in Something or Someone who is purer, stronger, eternal, Divine. The vagaries of Life can change in an instant. Family you thought would love you unconditionally can hurt you immensely. You can possess a fortune one day, but lose it utterly the next.

And where IS God? He is inside us. I thought my family, by denying God, could take my Faith away. But no, my Faith is my inborn desire for what is timeless, unconditional and eternal. The more trouble I experience, the stronger my Faith and the more unrelenting my Hope. Because the Love of God has been poured out in my Heart, through the Holy Spirit. I shall not falter.

Bonhoeffer says that "the curse [of being rejected and of suffering ills] will not harm the disciples, but the Peace they brought returns to them. You must not be depressed, for what others refuse will prove an even greater blessing for yourselves. To such, the Lord says, ' They have scorned it [Hope, Faith, Love], so keep it for yourselves."

And what we retain is far more valuable - endurance, character, Hope, and the Love of God poured out into our hearts. All these are priceless.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

Spirit Flame

"When the time for Pentecost was fulfilled, they were all in one place together. And suddenly there came from the sky a noise like a strong driving wind, and it filled the entire house in which they were. Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire, which parted and came to rest on each one of them. And they were filled with the Holy Spirit. . ." -[Acts 2:1-11).


Pentecost, Greek for "50th", began as the Israelite Festival of Weeks, the celebration of the spring harvest held 50 days after the offering of firstfruits at Passover. Over time, the Israelite Pentecost became a celebration of the giving of the Law (Ten Commandments) at Sinai.

In the Christian Church, Pentecost celebrates the birth of the church. After Jesus was crucified and died, He came to His disciples in the upper room where stye hid in fear, and He breathed the Spirit on them. Then they were charged with going forth in courage to spread the Word.

Even before His death, Jesus told His disciples, "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of Truth. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  . . He who does not love me will no obey my teaching. I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when He, the Sprit of Truth comes, He will guide you in all Truth. . . -[John 14: 15-18; 16: 12-12].

When a Christian is baptized as a very young child, he or she receives the Holy Spirit within them. When a young person is Confirmed in the church, he or she receives the Completion of the Spirit.

As we walk through life, we are not alone in facing the myriad difficult issues that we encounter. We have a Comforter and Teacher within us, to guide us. Some would say that the Holy Spirit is that soft inner voice within, prompting us to "do the right thing." We can follow that inner voice, or we can defy it.

I grew up in highly dysfunctional home. There was abuse of every kind- physical, emotional, verbal, sexual. Gradually, I shut down, first vowing to show no emotion, then to feel no emotion, then to stop speaking, then eating little and sleeping little.

People are shocked at how I turned out. In my home, there was dissension, drinking, anger, jealousy, strife, physical violence, neglect, rejection, blackmailing, emotional recrimination, abandonment. Obviously, these are not the fruits of the Spirit.

When we receive the Holy Spirit, we receive the inclination towards the Gifts of the Spirit: Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Strength, Knowledge, and Awe of the Lord.

As a child, I "knew" in my heart and soul that these were how I was to behave. I wasn't merely trying to be good for the sake of being good. I longed for a life that was NOT filled with violence, rejection, abandonment and hate.

Where my brother hit me, I knitted him a sweater. This was Strength, countering Hate.

Where my mother berated me verbally, calling me a failure and threatening abandonment, I weeded her garden. This was Wisdom, countering rejection.

Where my father drank and abused me, I did chores around the house, such as painting and raking. This was Understanding, countering enmity.

And when I turned 18, I left home for good.

I was a joyful child- I sat in my room and sang songs. I looked forward to the day when I would be safe. I had patience, to make the best of my situation, and to leave peacefully when I could.

I have received the Fruits of the Spirit today: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Generosity, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.  I am sometimes in awe at how I am able to live my life after my early life.

I have Wisdom and Understanding at what happened to me. I did not deserve what happened but I understand my early life was all about what my parents had to give, not about what I myself lacked.

I have Strength and Knowledge, that I can move into a joyful and fruitful Life.

I have Love now, people who love me, and people whom I can love.

Patience and Kindness and Gentleness are critically important to me, because I know all too well what a lifetime of Hate and cruelty feel like.

I am generous now, because of all the times I was not fed, or not loved, or was judged and rejected.

I am above all Faithful to the God who created me, who protected me and who walks with me.

Happy Pentecost.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

[Related Posting: "My Pentecost Life", 5/15/16; "Pentecost: The Birth of the Church", 5/24/15; "Healing Gifts", 5/23/12.]