" A man with leprosy came to Jesus and begged him on his knees, 'If you are willing, you can make me clean.' Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I am willing', he said, 'Be clean!' Immediately, the leprosy left him and he was cured. " [Mark 1: 40-42].
During Biblical times, leprosy was a dreaded and terrifying disease. Any person with a rash was required to see a priest, who would examine his skin. If the person was declared by the priest to be "unclean" with leprosy, he had to "wear torn clothes, let his hair be unkempt, cover the lower part of his face, and cry out, 'Unclean, unclean', . . . .and he must live alone outside the camp." [Leviticus 13:45-46]. Often a person with leprosy would be bullied and physically attacked, in order to drive him away from the community.
It is a desperate and hopeless feeling to be an outcast. I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional and hard-hearted. Not one of my family relationships was healthy and loving. No one hugged me or told me that they loved me.
I took to hiding in my room, but my room had no locks on the door; and I would get in trouble for isolating myself there.
I would go outside into the neighborhood, but the children would taunt me, calling me names until I cried. Sometimes I would knock on a little girl's door, hoping that she would let me in or come out and play, but she would tell me no, and shut the door. Inside the house, I would hear the laughter of other children.
I learned to walk around silently, so that no one would notice me. In school, I would speak only if the teacher called on me by name. I shut down my emotions; anger or tears would only get me more unwanted notice. By age ten, I took a vow of silence. I began to have trouble eating and sleeping.
I kept myself from others, initially, in order to keep myself safe. Gradually, I began to keep myself from others because I saw myself as somehow fractured and debilitated. I did not seem to fit in anywhere. Eventually, I found myself asking, Did I-- could I--ever belong to anyone or anything?
I was raised in a home that did not believe in God or in the healing power of Jesus. I was raised in a home that worshipped only human endeavor. As a young adult, I used to think that maybe the problem was, I was unloveable. In other words, I blamed myself.
Therefore, I used to believe that I had to heal myself. I have tried so many paths to healing. I have taken up yoga. I have modified my diet to include home- made granola, yogurt, fresh salads, more fruit. I have embarked on regimens that included walking 2-3 miles per day in the fresh air. I have taken up knitting. I have listened daily to uplifting music. I have lighted scented candles every evening. I have written in my journal every day.
All of these practices have the capacity to lift our spirits, to make us more healthy, to help us to understand ourselves better.
But it is Jesus, and His infinite capacity for compassion, who is the truest path to healing and to peace! Jesus' willingness to actually touch the leper is daring. Thrilling. Supremely loving. Was He crazy? Or was He just deeply committed to a radical kind of love?
I am learning that, like the Untouchable in this Scripture, I am not going to begin to be healed, unless I ASK. Who is the braver one in this story, Jesus, for touching the leper? Or the leper, for approaching Jesus and asking for healing?
Jesus heals the leper merely by touching him! I still marvel at the incredible power that is released from a loving touch. Every time someone says my name, or hugs me, I start to cry, because these are signs of the love that I have always longed for.
I reveal my wounds, not to invite pity, nor to demand attention. I do not desire anyone's condecension for my plight. Neither do I wish to be place upon a pedestal, to be told that it is an honor to know me. I am a human being, striving to survive my wounds. We all have our wounds.
No, I show my wounds, only to reveal the awesome power of Jesus' capacity to heal us! Nothing I have ever tried on my own has healed me in the way that the power of love has!
We can be the ambassadors for Jesus' love, by the way in which we treat others. We can speak gently to a child, rather than speaking with impatience or anger. We can hug our friends and neighbors. We can extend a greeting to those who are lost, lonely, isolated from the community.
A gentle touch, a kind word of encouragement, a peaceful acceptance of others--- these are the truest measures of Love! In following Jesus in these attributes, may my Love heal all!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Blog News!
Dear Friends:
Periodically, I will update you on the status of this blog. Please review my entry entitled "My Year in Words", for a meditation on the first year of writing in this space.
I have upgraded some features on the blog recently, as you may have noticed:
First, I have added an icon on the top right, along the "tool bar", that allows you to follow the postings via e-mail.
Also, I have added an icon on the top right, along the "tool bar", that allows you to subscribe to this blog.
Finally, I have added a link to Bible Gateway, so that you can pursue further study of the referenced Scriptures, without having to exit the blog to conduct a separate search.
I have also reformatted the design to be more compatible for access to the blog from a smart phone. (I notice that this does not work well with the Blackberry device, but it seems to provide a cleaner design for the iPhone.)
Possible future features:
* an app that is smart phone friendly
* a drop down field for my readers to leave Prayer Requests
If you would like to keep abreast of the number of countries accessing this space, please refer to the text under "About Me."
Blessings,
The Spiritual Devotional
Periodically, I will update you on the status of this blog. Please review my entry entitled "My Year in Words", for a meditation on the first year of writing in this space.
I have upgraded some features on the blog recently, as you may have noticed:
First, I have added an icon on the top right, along the "tool bar", that allows you to follow the postings via e-mail.
Also, I have added an icon on the top right, along the "tool bar", that allows you to subscribe to this blog.
Finally, I have added a link to Bible Gateway, so that you can pursue further study of the referenced Scriptures, without having to exit the blog to conduct a separate search.
I have also reformatted the design to be more compatible for access to the blog from a smart phone. (I notice that this does not work well with the Blackberry device, but it seems to provide a cleaner design for the iPhone.)
Possible future features:
* an app that is smart phone friendly
* a drop down field for my readers to leave Prayer Requests
If you would like to keep abreast of the number of countries accessing this space, please refer to the text under "About Me."
Blessings,
The Spiritual Devotional
Love Is . . . Truth
" Everybody passionately seeks to be well-adjusted. We must, of course, be well-adjusted if we are to avoid neurotic and schizophrenic personalities, but there are some things in our world to which men of goodwill must be maladjusted. I confess that I never intend to become adjusted to the evils. . . and to the crippling effect of discrimination, to the moral degeneracy of religious bigotry and. . . to economic conditions that deprive men of work and food, and to the insanities of militarism and the self-defeating effects of physical violence. Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." [Martin Luther King, Jr. in his Strength To Love, 1963].
In the United States, February is Black History Month. This is a month-long celebration of black Americans, who made an indelible contribution to this country. In the month of February, we commemorate the strength of African Americans, who for over 200 years in America, never had a recorded history.
Lately, I have been reading some of the writings of Martin Luther King, Jr. The quotation above was written in 1963, almost 50 years ago, and yet these words still ring true today.
I have written before about how, when I was a child, I was taunted and bullied. A family member would call me "ugly", every day, and no one ever succeeded in stopping him. This taunting went on--- even when I went outside in the neighborhood, or even when I hid in my room. There was no escape.
The response from all the adults in my life? "You are too sensitive", they would say. So, of course, the taunting never stopped. The verbal abuse was allowed to continue, and even to flourish, because I was told, in essence, that it was "my fault" for being too sensitive. Sometimes, the verbal abuse escalated to physical abuse.
It got to the point that I did not know the Truth about myself. Even today, if someone insists that I am pretty, I run to the mirror, trying to discern what they could possibly be talking about. This personal distortion sets off a form of anxiety, because the compliment may come from a person who would never lie to me; and yet, I do not believe that they are telling me the Truth.
It got to the point as a child that I no longer felt safe with my family. If this kind of verbal and even physical assault could be allowed to continue in my home, then whom could I trust and where in the world would I be safe? I began to shut down, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I lived in fear.
It got to the point that I hated my sensitivity, that exquisite emotion that only seemed to get me in trouble. My self-confidence and self-esteem plummeted. I wondered what was wrong with me?
In those years, I was not receiving Love. I was receiving Hate. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it."
These days, I am working on learning not to accept what was said about me. I am telling myself that these were lies! I am learning not to blame myself for the hate, not to fall into the trap of calling myself "too sensitive". Recently, I wrote a poem that begins, "I am a deep emotion, suspended on a prayer, in a world suffused with meaning." I have begun to celebrate these things about myself!
Hate ignores human feelings. Hate abhors prayer, or anything remotely connected to the Holy One. Hate rends the sacred into the worthless, the meaningless. Hate mocks and devalues life.
Love, on the other hand, is Truth! If we are to love, we must discern the Truth about the ugly forces that are gaining ground in our world. We must not pretend that the status quo is either normal or acceptable.
And then, we must battle those dark forces. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "I never intend to become adjusted to the evils,. . . to moral degeneracy, . . . to insanities,. . . to physical violence."
Now, I know the Truth! I was never "too sensitive"! I was simply feeling deeply the pain of Hate. Crying out against Hate is never the wrong response. That pain in the face of Hate is the Truth! And the Truth longs for Love!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
In the United States, February is Black History Month. This is a month-long celebration of black Americans, who made an indelible contribution to this country. In the month of February, we commemorate the strength of African Americans, who for over 200 years in America, never had a recorded history.
Lately, I have been reading some of the writings of Martin Luther King, Jr. The quotation above was written in 1963, almost 50 years ago, and yet these words still ring true today.
I have written before about how, when I was a child, I was taunted and bullied. A family member would call me "ugly", every day, and no one ever succeeded in stopping him. This taunting went on--- even when I went outside in the neighborhood, or even when I hid in my room. There was no escape.
The response from all the adults in my life? "You are too sensitive", they would say. So, of course, the taunting never stopped. The verbal abuse was allowed to continue, and even to flourish, because I was told, in essence, that it was "my fault" for being too sensitive. Sometimes, the verbal abuse escalated to physical abuse.
It got to the point that I did not know the Truth about myself. Even today, if someone insists that I am pretty, I run to the mirror, trying to discern what they could possibly be talking about. This personal distortion sets off a form of anxiety, because the compliment may come from a person who would never lie to me; and yet, I do not believe that they are telling me the Truth.
It got to the point as a child that I no longer felt safe with my family. If this kind of verbal and even physical assault could be allowed to continue in my home, then whom could I trust and where in the world would I be safe? I began to shut down, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I lived in fear.
It got to the point that I hated my sensitivity, that exquisite emotion that only seemed to get me in trouble. My self-confidence and self-esteem plummeted. I wondered what was wrong with me?
In those years, I was not receiving Love. I was receiving Hate. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it."
These days, I am working on learning not to accept what was said about me. I am telling myself that these were lies! I am learning not to blame myself for the hate, not to fall into the trap of calling myself "too sensitive". Recently, I wrote a poem that begins, "I am a deep emotion, suspended on a prayer, in a world suffused with meaning." I have begun to celebrate these things about myself!
Hate ignores human feelings. Hate abhors prayer, or anything remotely connected to the Holy One. Hate rends the sacred into the worthless, the meaningless. Hate mocks and devalues life.
Love, on the other hand, is Truth! If we are to love, we must discern the Truth about the ugly forces that are gaining ground in our world. We must not pretend that the status quo is either normal or acceptable.
And then, we must battle those dark forces. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "I never intend to become adjusted to the evils,. . . to moral degeneracy, . . . to insanities,. . . to physical violence."
Now, I know the Truth! I was never "too sensitive"! I was simply feeling deeply the pain of Hate. Crying out against Hate is never the wrong response. That pain in the face of Hate is the Truth! And the Truth longs for Love!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Boast in the Lord
" When I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! If I preach voluntarily, I have a great reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. What then, is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel, I may offer it free of charge, and so not make use of my rights [of monetary recompense] in preaching it. To the weak, I became weak, to win over the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that by all possible means, I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." [1 Corinthians 9: 16-23].
Like St. Paul in this Scripture, I cannot boast. Everything I have, I have received as a free gift from God. Every breath is from God, my very life is from God. My deep, dark eyes and the crinkles around my eyes when I laugh, are from God. My heart loves my dear ones on earth; but in the end, my heart belongs to God.
My literary abilities are from God. Yet I have honed them over many years of hardship, holed away in my childhood room, hiding from humanity. I lavished my attention on my schoowork, so that I could understand the ways of the world.
When my homework was done, I read every book I could lay my hands on. And when I had read every book at hand, I read the dictionary, beginning with the letter 'A'.
I used to be taunted by family and friends. They would say that I was "too smart". My intelligence came from God. I never understood why anyone would torment me for something that is a gift from God. Were they taunting God?
Now I speak the gospel in this space. I speak the Truth. I am compelled to speak the Truth, as a counterbalance to all the lies that were told about me. I was told that there is no God, or that if you had any talent at all, you did not need God. These are lies.
I was told that I am ugly, and a failure. I pray that these are lies, because God makes no mistakes. He made me the way I am. I may not be beautiful in an earthly sense, or successful the way we humans measure it. He made me the way I am on purpose. He loves me even though I am so very human and imperfect.
I do not charge anything for the meditations in this space. God is for everyone. His Word is free, to all who would listen.
And yet, writing in this space is not a burden. I do not require any earthly recompense. If I were paid as much as a million dollars for my writing, I would give it all away. Why? In receiving God's love and grace, I have already reaped untold riches. Not in any material sense, but in the sacred way in which I have developed a personal relationship with God. He encourages me and strengthens me in my daily walk.
St. Paul declares that he is all things to all people, so that he may save some. I am not so chameleon-like, nor so seemingly opportunistic. But as a child, I made myself Nothing so that no enemy could vanquish me. Being Nothing, I became universal. I belonged to no one and everyone.
At times, I have been so alone that I have counted no one as a friend. I have stared death in the face many times, and yet I lived. I have narrowly escaped trees falling on me, I have nearly drowned, I have struggled under a violent assault. I have had only a few dollars left to my name before I was paid again. I have eaten humbly of rice and beans for dinner.
But I have been comfortable in life, yet at the same time miserable. I have lived in a household of plenty yet, felt that I was in danger of losing my soul.
I have been weak, as you have been. But God sees my weakness and He lifts me up, He consoles the broken-hearted. He has made me strong, strong enough to break my silence and tell my story.
I desire only for the Holy Spirit to infuse my words with comfort and hope. I serve others here, I do not serve myself. Some have said to me that I will become famous, sought the world over. In truth, I detest the thought. I am only the Medium, I do not want to be the Message. I speak only as a lone voice, crying out. But I do not want my name to be known.
It is the Word that I want to be known. If you find God from entering this meditational space, then I have obeyed my calling, I have shared my holy blessings.
Love to all, The Spiritual Devotional
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Like St. Paul in this Scripture, I cannot boast. Everything I have, I have received as a free gift from God. Every breath is from God, my very life is from God. My deep, dark eyes and the crinkles around my eyes when I laugh, are from God. My heart loves my dear ones on earth; but in the end, my heart belongs to God.
My literary abilities are from God. Yet I have honed them over many years of hardship, holed away in my childhood room, hiding from humanity. I lavished my attention on my schoowork, so that I could understand the ways of the world.
When my homework was done, I read every book I could lay my hands on. And when I had read every book at hand, I read the dictionary, beginning with the letter 'A'.
I used to be taunted by family and friends. They would say that I was "too smart". My intelligence came from God. I never understood why anyone would torment me for something that is a gift from God. Were they taunting God?
Now I speak the gospel in this space. I speak the Truth. I am compelled to speak the Truth, as a counterbalance to all the lies that were told about me. I was told that there is no God, or that if you had any talent at all, you did not need God. These are lies.
I was told that I am ugly, and a failure. I pray that these are lies, because God makes no mistakes. He made me the way I am. I may not be beautiful in an earthly sense, or successful the way we humans measure it. He made me the way I am on purpose. He loves me even though I am so very human and imperfect.
I do not charge anything for the meditations in this space. God is for everyone. His Word is free, to all who would listen.
And yet, writing in this space is not a burden. I do not require any earthly recompense. If I were paid as much as a million dollars for my writing, I would give it all away. Why? In receiving God's love and grace, I have already reaped untold riches. Not in any material sense, but in the sacred way in which I have developed a personal relationship with God. He encourages me and strengthens me in my daily walk.
St. Paul declares that he is all things to all people, so that he may save some. I am not so chameleon-like, nor so seemingly opportunistic. But as a child, I made myself Nothing so that no enemy could vanquish me. Being Nothing, I became universal. I belonged to no one and everyone.
At times, I have been so alone that I have counted no one as a friend. I have stared death in the face many times, and yet I lived. I have narrowly escaped trees falling on me, I have nearly drowned, I have struggled under a violent assault. I have had only a few dollars left to my name before I was paid again. I have eaten humbly of rice and beans for dinner.
But I have been comfortable in life, yet at the same time miserable. I have lived in a household of plenty yet, felt that I was in danger of losing my soul.
I have been weak, as you have been. But God sees my weakness and He lifts me up, He consoles the broken-hearted. He has made me strong, strong enough to break my silence and tell my story.
I desire only for the Holy Spirit to infuse my words with comfort and hope. I serve others here, I do not serve myself. Some have said to me that I will become famous, sought the world over. In truth, I detest the thought. I am only the Medium, I do not want to be the Message. I speak only as a lone voice, crying out. But I do not want my name to be known.
It is the Word that I want to be known. If you find God from entering this meditational space, then I have obeyed my calling, I have shared my holy blessings.
Love to all, The Spiritual Devotional
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Friday, February 3, 2012
A Life Divided
" I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs-- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way, in undivided devotion to the Lord." [1 Corinthians 7: 32-35].
This Scripture from St. Paul speaks to a time when early Christians thought that Judgment Day was imminent. They believed that Christ's Second Coming was going to happen soon --and that they had better be prepared. St. Paul urges his followers to be ready, by spending more time devoted to God.
This is a classic Christian dilemma: how to be in this world, but not "of this world"? We do live firmly rooted here on earth, and, being human, we are buffeted in all directions. We try to make a living, to raise our children, gather around for meals, embrace (or shun) the constant barrage of media, steal away some time for rest --and yet still, we must find time for God. It is a divided time for us. This Scripture asks, 'What divides you from God?'
Unfortunately, this is not the only division that poses a challenge for us. Author Charles Murray in his new book, "Coming Apart" talks about how there is a widening cultural divide in America, between the elite and the working class.
Murray talks in his book about cultural divisions between working class whites and upper middle class whites, such as the widening divergence of what these distinct classes choose to watch on television, to eat for breakfast, or even where they choose to travel on vacation.
But to me, the most disturbing data in his book come from the General Social Survey, which shows in recent decades that marriage is down 36%, and that secularism (pointing to those who "profess no religion, or attend a worship service no more that once a year") has increased 21%. Frankly,these data scare me because if we do not have intimate human connections, and our deep faith, what do we have?
So, instead of asking, like Charles Murray, what divides us, I would like to ask, "What unites us?"
I am not a sociologist nor a political scientist nor an anthropologist. I can only speak to my own experiences. I can only speak to what has saved me.
I can say that when I was growing up, life was rough for me. I could not count on being fed consistently, being warm enough, or feeling safe. No one hugged me or said that they loved me. I grew to distrust people. Humanity did not save me. We stopped going to church when I was 14. I thought people got faith by going to church, so I was afraid that I had lost my faith. My faith could not save me, because I thought it was gone.
When I left home at age 18 to attend university, I found the saving grace of an education. I realized that I was given gifts, and I was given the opportunity to exercise them. Education saved me. Education, and knowledge of our incredible world, can save us, and unite us.
After I graduated from university and graduate school, I lived on my own in a big city. I threw myself into my work. I thought that my work would save me. But I ended up exhausted and lonely. My education could help me understand my world, but work alone was not enough to save me.
It was then that I met the man who would become my husband. I truly believe that God sent him to rescue me. I learned the saving power of Love. If someone truly loves you, then you have the courage to love others. We must learn to trust getting married again. Committed Love unites us.
My husband and I became parents. My son is everything to me. All children are precious to me. Every time I am out in town or in church, and I see a baby, I smile at the baby and at the parents. The smile for the baby is one of delight. The smile for the parents is a "knowing", the common bond of joy and hope for the future. Our children unite us.
Not too long ago, in a space of two years, I lost my father, my best friend, my mother-in-law and my mother. No, I refuse to say that our sadness unites us! I would rather say that our faith unites us. I thought my faith was gone, but kindly Christians showed me that my faith, although dormant, was still very much alive.
I have been cold and hungry. I have almost died many times. I have been alone and in despair. I have asked myself What is this life all about? I have had to rebuild my life over several times. Each time, I have asked myself, "What do I have to hold onto?" No, it is not money or possessions. My work and gifts alone cannot save me, although they do give me purpose.
I have learned that all we really have is God -- and each other. If we do not have those, we have lost our souls. We have lost everything.
God, You have saved me through your Love. My faith in You saves me. My love for You and for others is my Salvation.
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This Scripture from St. Paul speaks to a time when early Christians thought that Judgment Day was imminent. They believed that Christ's Second Coming was going to happen soon --and that they had better be prepared. St. Paul urges his followers to be ready, by spending more time devoted to God.
This is a classic Christian dilemma: how to be in this world, but not "of this world"? We do live firmly rooted here on earth, and, being human, we are buffeted in all directions. We try to make a living, to raise our children, gather around for meals, embrace (or shun) the constant barrage of media, steal away some time for rest --and yet still, we must find time for God. It is a divided time for us. This Scripture asks, 'What divides you from God?'
Unfortunately, this is not the only division that poses a challenge for us. Author Charles Murray in his new book, "Coming Apart" talks about how there is a widening cultural divide in America, between the elite and the working class.
Murray talks in his book about cultural divisions between working class whites and upper middle class whites, such as the widening divergence of what these distinct classes choose to watch on television, to eat for breakfast, or even where they choose to travel on vacation.
But to me, the most disturbing data in his book come from the General Social Survey, which shows in recent decades that marriage is down 36%, and that secularism (pointing to those who "profess no religion, or attend a worship service no more that once a year") has increased 21%. Frankly,these data scare me because if we do not have intimate human connections, and our deep faith, what do we have?
So, instead of asking, like Charles Murray, what divides us, I would like to ask, "What unites us?"
I am not a sociologist nor a political scientist nor an anthropologist. I can only speak to my own experiences. I can only speak to what has saved me.
I can say that when I was growing up, life was rough for me. I could not count on being fed consistently, being warm enough, or feeling safe. No one hugged me or said that they loved me. I grew to distrust people. Humanity did not save me. We stopped going to church when I was 14. I thought people got faith by going to church, so I was afraid that I had lost my faith. My faith could not save me, because I thought it was gone.
When I left home at age 18 to attend university, I found the saving grace of an education. I realized that I was given gifts, and I was given the opportunity to exercise them. Education saved me. Education, and knowledge of our incredible world, can save us, and unite us.
After I graduated from university and graduate school, I lived on my own in a big city. I threw myself into my work. I thought that my work would save me. But I ended up exhausted and lonely. My education could help me understand my world, but work alone was not enough to save me.
It was then that I met the man who would become my husband. I truly believe that God sent him to rescue me. I learned the saving power of Love. If someone truly loves you, then you have the courage to love others. We must learn to trust getting married again. Committed Love unites us.
My husband and I became parents. My son is everything to me. All children are precious to me. Every time I am out in town or in church, and I see a baby, I smile at the baby and at the parents. The smile for the baby is one of delight. The smile for the parents is a "knowing", the common bond of joy and hope for the future. Our children unite us.
Not too long ago, in a space of two years, I lost my father, my best friend, my mother-in-law and my mother. No, I refuse to say that our sadness unites us! I would rather say that our faith unites us. I thought my faith was gone, but kindly Christians showed me that my faith, although dormant, was still very much alive.
I have been cold and hungry. I have almost died many times. I have been alone and in despair. I have asked myself What is this life all about? I have had to rebuild my life over several times. Each time, I have asked myself, "What do I have to hold onto?" No, it is not money or possessions. My work and gifts alone cannot save me, although they do give me purpose.
I have learned that all we really have is God -- and each other. If we do not have those, we have lost our souls. We have lost everything.
God, You have saved me through your Love. My faith in You saves me. My love for You and for others is my Salvation.
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
A Healing Spirit
" On the sabbath, Jesus entered the synagogue and taught. In their synagogue was a man with an unclean spirit; he cried out, 'What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who You are, the Holy One of God!' Jesus rebuked him and said, ' Quiet! Come out of him!' The unclean spirit convulsed him and with a loud cry, came out of him. All were amazed and asked one another, 'What is this? A new teaching with authority. He commands even the unclean spirits and they obey him.' [Mark 1: 21-27].
A faith-filled man loses his dear wife and he struggles valiantly to overcome his despair, and to raise their children alone. A young family loses a child tragically to an accidental death; they battle deep doubts about where God is in their lives. A woman is still haunted from the abuses that she suffered in her youth; she finds herself angry and isolated.
My dear mother-in-law used to say that "We all have our crosses to bear." I always resisted what she was saying in that expression. I did not want to admit the sins, the pain or the suffering in this world. I did not want to witness these, even in anyone else. They reminded me of my own pain-- a deep, searing flight away from a past that I could not face. I was afraid of the dark spirits inside me, that would surely lead me directly to the sins of anger, doubt, despair, fear, and endless self -condemnation. And so, I pushed those dark spirits deep down inside.
What I was doing with my dark spirits in those days was to bury them. I "pretended" away the self who was a tiny, scared, cold, hungry, angry, physically insecure, spiritually and emotionally deadened, despairing young girl. That little girl lived inside me as I went through high school and college, found my first job and my first apartment, and met my future husband.
After I got engaged, I remember going to visit the priest in my fiance's parish, one day. We were going there to talk about getting married. I was dressed up in heels and hose and a pretty sweater dress that I had made myself. My new engagement ring glinted in the sun. The Rectory garden looked lovely that bright day in April and as we neared the Rectory entrance, I even caught a glimpse of a fluttering butterfly. Things were perfect, no?
No. Because as the years went on, all the dark spirits from my past, which I had neatly buried, merged with all the ensuing dark times: not very long after we got married, the death of my dear mother-in-law; the house we had to sell at a loss in a bad economy, the anxiety about finding jobs in the economic downturn; the difficulty in becoming parents- which was something we never imagined; a misdiagnosis of cancer- which was terrifying; the deaths of both my parents and my best friend. All these trials, occurring one after another, over the many years after we married, began to overlap and accumulate and converge.
By a certain point, after all these set-backs, my life felt out of control. I descended into a kind of despair. I was overwhelmed and confused. My world seemed upside down and backwards. Why was I even here on this earth? How could I have suffered so much? The worst part was that I felt that I was in such a dark place, that I had lost sight of God. I was in danger of turning away from my faith.
A wise mentor told me to find a quiet place; and to meditate and reflect. Honestly? I thought he was a bit crazy. Wasn't this a waste of time? Or maybe, just maybe, I was afraid of what would come out. . . I asked him, 'What am I supposed to DO in that quiet place?' He said, 'See what comes out. You may laugh, you may cry, you may simply sit in the silence.'
What came out was astonishing. Horrible repressed memories came out. Excruciating pain. Total, exuberant joy. Deep sadness. The soothing peace of gratitude.
A year or so after I began my daily meditations, I went on a meditation retreat. There, I asked, 'What am I supposed to DO with all this past pain and sins that come out?" The answer is, 'Recite a mantra, in time with your breath. Seek the presence of the Lord.'
I chose a mantra something like, "Come, Lord." I was seeking the healing presence of Jesus, his words, his authority.
The process was described as when the sediment from a river rises to the surface. You watch it rise and float away. You acknowledge it and let it go. When a particular pain or grievous error of mine
surfaces, I examine and release it.
This sounds peaceful. It is not. Like the man in the Scripture above, I find it a convulsive process. It is cathartic, but very healing. I try not to allow the pain and the sins to cling to me. I give them to Jesus. I ask Him to walk with me.
Seeking Jesus in the quiet can summon the dark spirits from deep within. Only He has the commanding authority to dispel them.
I love the dark, quiet of the chapel now. I know who Jesus is in my life, in my soul now. He is the Holy One of God. I give unto Jesus my tears, my pain, my despair, my hope, my faith, my joy!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
A faith-filled man loses his dear wife and he struggles valiantly to overcome his despair, and to raise their children alone. A young family loses a child tragically to an accidental death; they battle deep doubts about where God is in their lives. A woman is still haunted from the abuses that she suffered in her youth; she finds herself angry and isolated.
My dear mother-in-law used to say that "We all have our crosses to bear." I always resisted what she was saying in that expression. I did not want to admit the sins, the pain or the suffering in this world. I did not want to witness these, even in anyone else. They reminded me of my own pain-- a deep, searing flight away from a past that I could not face. I was afraid of the dark spirits inside me, that would surely lead me directly to the sins of anger, doubt, despair, fear, and endless self -condemnation. And so, I pushed those dark spirits deep down inside.
What I was doing with my dark spirits in those days was to bury them. I "pretended" away the self who was a tiny, scared, cold, hungry, angry, physically insecure, spiritually and emotionally deadened, despairing young girl. That little girl lived inside me as I went through high school and college, found my first job and my first apartment, and met my future husband.
After I got engaged, I remember going to visit the priest in my fiance's parish, one day. We were going there to talk about getting married. I was dressed up in heels and hose and a pretty sweater dress that I had made myself. My new engagement ring glinted in the sun. The Rectory garden looked lovely that bright day in April and as we neared the Rectory entrance, I even caught a glimpse of a fluttering butterfly. Things were perfect, no?
No. Because as the years went on, all the dark spirits from my past, which I had neatly buried, merged with all the ensuing dark times: not very long after we got married, the death of my dear mother-in-law; the house we had to sell at a loss in a bad economy, the anxiety about finding jobs in the economic downturn; the difficulty in becoming parents- which was something we never imagined; a misdiagnosis of cancer- which was terrifying; the deaths of both my parents and my best friend. All these trials, occurring one after another, over the many years after we married, began to overlap and accumulate and converge.
By a certain point, after all these set-backs, my life felt out of control. I descended into a kind of despair. I was overwhelmed and confused. My world seemed upside down and backwards. Why was I even here on this earth? How could I have suffered so much? The worst part was that I felt that I was in such a dark place, that I had lost sight of God. I was in danger of turning away from my faith.
A wise mentor told me to find a quiet place; and to meditate and reflect. Honestly? I thought he was a bit crazy. Wasn't this a waste of time? Or maybe, just maybe, I was afraid of what would come out. . . I asked him, 'What am I supposed to DO in that quiet place?' He said, 'See what comes out. You may laugh, you may cry, you may simply sit in the silence.'
What came out was astonishing. Horrible repressed memories came out. Excruciating pain. Total, exuberant joy. Deep sadness. The soothing peace of gratitude.
A year or so after I began my daily meditations, I went on a meditation retreat. There, I asked, 'What am I supposed to DO with all this past pain and sins that come out?" The answer is, 'Recite a mantra, in time with your breath. Seek the presence of the Lord.'
I chose a mantra something like, "Come, Lord." I was seeking the healing presence of Jesus, his words, his authority.
The process was described as when the sediment from a river rises to the surface. You watch it rise and float away. You acknowledge it and let it go. When a particular pain or grievous error of mine
surfaces, I examine and release it.
This sounds peaceful. It is not. Like the man in the Scripture above, I find it a convulsive process. It is cathartic, but very healing. I try not to allow the pain and the sins to cling to me. I give them to Jesus. I ask Him to walk with me.
Seeking Jesus in the quiet can summon the dark spirits from deep within. Only He has the commanding authority to dispel them.
I love the dark, quiet of the chapel now. I know who Jesus is in my life, in my soul now. He is the Holy One of God. I give unto Jesus my tears, my pain, my despair, my hope, my faith, my joy!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Seeking Happiness
"Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil. . . .He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. [For] who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed." [1 Peter: 8-13].
January is coming to an end. We have made our New Year's Resolutions, and being fully human, we have probably broken our resolutions many times already!
I believe that our New Year's Resolutions are all about seeking happiness. Maybe we decided that if only we could lose those extra pounds, we would be happy. Or maybe we decided that if only we could really stick to an exercise routine, we would be happy; but we punish ourselves if we miss a day at the gym. Or maybe, we ponder, happiness comes in saving a lot of money and becoming rich?
Certainly, these are valid goals, to eat a more healthful diet, to be more active, to become a wiser steward of our finances. But accomplishing these goals will not guarantee happiness. We can grab all the luxuries that life has to offer and still be miserable.
After all, I once told a friend about a man who has a wife, two children, three dogs, two houses and five cars. This friend quipped, "Oh, yeah?! Is he happy yet?" [Umm, no].
Happiness is elusive. We are human, and a gloomy, rainy day, or a rotten day at work, can send our mood plummeting. I believe that happiness is relative, though; it depends far more on gratitude than on a longing for what we lack.
Consider the happiness theory of Abraham Maslow, famous creator of the Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. Before we can truly seek happiness (fulfillment, self-actualization, creativity, acceptance), we all need to meet basic human needs. The most basic of needs, at the very foundation of our happiness pyramid, he labels "Physiological" -- breathing, food, sleep, emotional and physical stability. Next comes "Safety"-- physical safety, resources, health. Next comes, "Love"-- belonging, family, friends. Next comes "Esteem"-- that is, self-confidence, respect, achievement. Only after we have gained all of these elements can we be free to seek happiness.
I have spoken before about my dysfunctional childhood. I would say to you that I sometimes went hungry; I was often cold; or too hot to sleep; I was scared and always on alert; I was not physically safe; my sleep was affected by my lack of safety; my chronic lung condition was neglected, so my breathing was affected; no one ever hugged me or told me that they loved me; I had few friends; I felt worthless. In short, I was miserable.
What does this mean for your life? For one, if you have all these things, food, ability to breathe, physical safety, health, family and friends, some measure of confidence--- then, you are rich indeed.
I was reminded of this recently when I received a prayer request for someone who is a double amputee. This person wanted only a surgical operation that would allow her to sit up in a wheelchair! This is where gratitude comes in! This was God's way of showing me that, despite my past hardships, despite how I struggle even today, I really have nothing to complain about. . . .
When I remember my prayers for this person. I am also able to pray for myself: Thank you, God for every breath, for my food, for my shelter, for my health etc.
Every day, I try to make it my purpose to care for those who have less, who have few or none of
Maslow's basic needs. This brings me back to Matthew 19: 16-21, where Jesus says, "Give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow me".
I hear reports of the plight of the poor worldwide and I become sad, almost despondent. I read recently in the New York Times of the chronic food shortage in the country of Congo. In many families, the parents are forced to spread the limited food around on a rotation basis. Some days, some of the children eat, but some do not. And I think, what are we DOING about this? This is not happiness for these families. It is not happiness for me to witness this.
All of this brings me back to the Scripture for today: "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil. He must seek peace and pursue it." Now, I see fully that happiness does not depend on my appearance (heavy or thin). Happiness does not depend on my becoming fabulously wealthy or famous. It does not depend upon owning bigger, better, more things than anyone else on the planet.
Happiness comes from seeking peace. It comes from speaking (and doing) good, especially for others.
It comes from turning away from evil. It comes from basic things like breathing, eating, feeling safe, feeling a sense of respect for self and others, and belonging to friends and family. It comes from helping others to achieve these as well.
Many of these elements of happiness are FREE! Freely received by us; freely given to others. We do not have to be breathtakingly beautiful or extraordinarily wealthy in order to seek peace, help others, avoid evil, cultivate love, nurture gratitude, value our gifts, or show acceptance of others.
Jesus says, "Come follow me". I pray that in seeking peace, avoiding evil, giving to others, expressing gratitude and finding love, that I will see Jesus --and that I will love life and see good days!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
January is coming to an end. We have made our New Year's Resolutions, and being fully human, we have probably broken our resolutions many times already!
I believe that our New Year's Resolutions are all about seeking happiness. Maybe we decided that if only we could lose those extra pounds, we would be happy. Or maybe we decided that if only we could really stick to an exercise routine, we would be happy; but we punish ourselves if we miss a day at the gym. Or maybe, we ponder, happiness comes in saving a lot of money and becoming rich?
Certainly, these are valid goals, to eat a more healthful diet, to be more active, to become a wiser steward of our finances. But accomplishing these goals will not guarantee happiness. We can grab all the luxuries that life has to offer and still be miserable.
After all, I once told a friend about a man who has a wife, two children, three dogs, two houses and five cars. This friend quipped, "Oh, yeah?! Is he happy yet?" [Umm, no].
Happiness is elusive. We are human, and a gloomy, rainy day, or a rotten day at work, can send our mood plummeting. I believe that happiness is relative, though; it depends far more on gratitude than on a longing for what we lack.
Consider the happiness theory of Abraham Maslow, famous creator of the Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. Before we can truly seek happiness (fulfillment, self-actualization, creativity, acceptance), we all need to meet basic human needs. The most basic of needs, at the very foundation of our happiness pyramid, he labels "Physiological" -- breathing, food, sleep, emotional and physical stability. Next comes "Safety"-- physical safety, resources, health. Next comes, "Love"-- belonging, family, friends. Next comes "Esteem"-- that is, self-confidence, respect, achievement. Only after we have gained all of these elements can we be free to seek happiness.
I have spoken before about my dysfunctional childhood. I would say to you that I sometimes went hungry; I was often cold; or too hot to sleep; I was scared and always on alert; I was not physically safe; my sleep was affected by my lack of safety; my chronic lung condition was neglected, so my breathing was affected; no one ever hugged me or told me that they loved me; I had few friends; I felt worthless. In short, I was miserable.
What does this mean for your life? For one, if you have all these things, food, ability to breathe, physical safety, health, family and friends, some measure of confidence--- then, you are rich indeed.
I was reminded of this recently when I received a prayer request for someone who is a double amputee. This person wanted only a surgical operation that would allow her to sit up in a wheelchair! This is where gratitude comes in! This was God's way of showing me that, despite my past hardships, despite how I struggle even today, I really have nothing to complain about. . . .
When I remember my prayers for this person. I am also able to pray for myself: Thank you, God for every breath, for my food, for my shelter, for my health etc.
Every day, I try to make it my purpose to care for those who have less, who have few or none of
Maslow's basic needs. This brings me back to Matthew 19: 16-21, where Jesus says, "Give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow me".
I hear reports of the plight of the poor worldwide and I become sad, almost despondent. I read recently in the New York Times of the chronic food shortage in the country of Congo. In many families, the parents are forced to spread the limited food around on a rotation basis. Some days, some of the children eat, but some do not. And I think, what are we DOING about this? This is not happiness for these families. It is not happiness for me to witness this.
All of this brings me back to the Scripture for today: "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil. He must seek peace and pursue it." Now, I see fully that happiness does not depend on my appearance (heavy or thin). Happiness does not depend on my becoming fabulously wealthy or famous. It does not depend upon owning bigger, better, more things than anyone else on the planet.
Happiness comes from seeking peace. It comes from speaking (and doing) good, especially for others.
It comes from turning away from evil. It comes from basic things like breathing, eating, feeling safe, feeling a sense of respect for self and others, and belonging to friends and family. It comes from helping others to achieve these as well.
Many of these elements of happiness are FREE! Freely received by us; freely given to others. We do not have to be breathtakingly beautiful or extraordinarily wealthy in order to seek peace, help others, avoid evil, cultivate love, nurture gratitude, value our gifts, or show acceptance of others.
Jesus says, "Come follow me". I pray that in seeking peace, avoiding evil, giving to others, expressing gratitude and finding love, that I will see Jesus --and that I will love life and see good days!
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.
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