The Rich Man

 “Jesus said to the crowd, ‘ Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.’  Then He told them a parable. ‘There was a rich man whose land produced a bountiful harvest. He asked himself, ‘What shall I do, for I do not have space to store my harvest? I shall tear down my barns and build larger ones. There I shall store all my grain and other goods and I shall say to myself, ‘Now as for you, you have so many good things stored up for many years, rest, eat, drink and be merry!’ But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’
Thus it will be for all who store up treasure for themselves but are not rich in what matters to God.’ “
-[Luke 12: 13-21.]


In times gone by, we used to admire a person who had amassed wealth. People would say, ‘THAT man must be smart and hard-working and gifted, look at how successful he is!’

Today, we see a person who has amassed wealth and we see a person who must be, by definition, Evil. The wealthy person must have taken advantage of others to amass those riches. Maybe he practically stole the riches. He must have broken the law or walked over others to get ahead. We assume that we must hate wealthy persons, because wealth = evil.

Each of these notions of wealth is somewhat of a stereotype. A person who is wealthy may be honest, hard-working and fair. OR, he may be corrupt and evil. Every person’s bank account has a personal story behind the riches.

This Scripture says that “though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.”  Luke also warns about those who “store up treasure for themselves but are not rich in what matters to God.”

God does not love us more, or less, based on our wealth. He loves everyone where they are.

What God does measure us by, is if we store up treasure for ourselves. He measures us by seeing if the wealth itself becomes an idol, something we worship more than we worship Him.

Wealth does make it harder to keep a clear head and put God first.  Putting God first is not impossible for a person who is wealthy. But the riches can easily get in the way of generosity and humility.

Getting wealth and keeping wealth can become more important than the qualities of Love, generosity, tolerance, peace, humility, patience and so on. Keeping wealth can become hoarding, or competing with others who have more wealth, or feeling envious of others who may have more than even we do.

I have seen countless times when a person comes into riches, and the wealth changes that person for the worse. Sometimes the wealthy person confuses the money with God’s approval. A rich person is in danger of believing that God must favor him because He has blessed him with wealth.

A wealthy person is in danger of  believing that those with fewer resources are somehow inferior.

For me, I remember when I was grateful to have a few dollars to buy the basic things I needed. I remember living paycheck to paycheck. I remember eating rice and beans for the last few nights before I got paid again, and the panic that set in after I had paid all my bills and I had so little left.

Now that I am comfortable, I find that my bank balance does not matter on a day to day basis. I find myself working on deep and loving relationships. People have told me that I am the most generous and selfless person they know.

I examine myself each time I make a decision, to ensure that my motivation comes from selflessness and humility, and not greed or self promotion.

The blessings that I have do not make me a better person, more worthy or admirable. The blessings that I have DO enable me to be loving and generous to others.

I always try to ensure that the material blessings that I have do no harm, or at least remain neutral to who and what I am. I am embarrassed if anyone thinks I have material assets, because I do not want anyone to confuse my presumed material riches, with who I am as a human being.

Even better, I try to ensure that the material blessings that I have can become a source of blessing to others. Perhaps since I am comfortable, I can utilize my extra time when I am not earning, to help others. Often, I donate to charity or quietly assist a friend or neighbor, since I can.

For, the kind of wealth which I count precious must be “what matters to God.”  And that is the kind of wealth that multiplies, the more I give it away.

(C) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

I AM Martha

 “Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed Him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at His feet listening to Him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to Him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do the serving? Tell her to help me.’ The Lord said to her in reply, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.’ “ - [Luke 10:38-42].

Life today has become a To-Do List. A Bucket List. A Checklist.

We measure ourselves by what we DO. Not by who we ARE.

Have we climbed a higher mountain than the next person? Have we visited more states? More countries?

Have we won more trophies or awards? Have we logged more hours? Run more miles?

It has come to the point that people ask,  “What are you going to DO on your vacation?”  DO?

 How about, Sit in a chair and watch the sun rise. Or the sun set? How about strolling in the woods, not with the goal of how many miles traveled, but with the vague sensation of happening upon a tiny butterfly, or some wild roses with their sweet scent, or the feel of a cooling breeze?

Sometimes, I wonder what the future will bring? I race around trying to control every eventuality.
Will my son do well in college and get a good paying job? Will I plan my savings well for retirement? Will I keep my health as I age?

Sometimes I think we humans race around trying to rack up accomplishments, in a desperate attempt to feel that we are in control of our lives. ‘Look at me’, we say, ‘ I am in good stead, I volunteered 150 hours this year. Look at me, I am an interesting and worthy person, I am global, I have seen many tourist sites.’

But, as I told an acquisitive person in my life, “ There is ALWAYS someone out there with a bigger boat.”

Anything we own or think we have acquired can be taken from us in an instant. Busyness is not godliness. Our possessions do not equate with our inherent value.

If I came upon Jesus, I am afraid I would be Martha, not Mary. I would want to “create the moment” rather than being serenely still and drinking it all in.

How wrong I would be!

If I am too busy, I will never really see life. Or, enjoy it. I will race down that circuitous path with an eye only to the end of the trail. I will never pause long enough to even see the butterfly. Let alone to delight in its meandering flight.

Sometimes, when an issue in life arises, I want to see it resolved NOW. If there are twists and turns along the way, I actually try to say to Life, “Well?! HURRY up”.

I cannot stand the suspense. I want the denouement and I want it to be a happy ending, and I want it NOW. So I run around trying to prevent any eventualities.

What God wants me to do is to sit with Jesus sometimes, and trust in all Faith that He will walk with me as Life unfolds.

I need to remember that I cannot control what happens, just by staying insanely busy, desperately attempting to plug all the holes in life, to adjust for others’ shortcomings, or my own. The Mary in me understands that the Peace which comes from sitting with Jesus is the ONLY thing that cannot be taken away from me.

[Related Postings: “The Martha Complex”, 7/16/16; “Are you Martha or Mary?’, 7/21/13].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Resserved.

 

Near To Your Heart

"[Turn] to the Lord, your God, with all your heart and all your soul. For this command that I enjoin on you today is not too mysterious and remote for you. It is not up in the sky, that you should say, 'Who will go up in the sky to get it for us and tell us of it, that we may carry it out?'  Nor is it across the sea, that you should say, 'Who will cross the sea to get it for us and tell us of it, that we may carry it out?' No, it is something very near to you, already in your mouths and in your hearts; you have only to carry it out." -[Deuteronomy 30: 10-14].


When I was a little girl, I was not fed consistently. I was verbally abused, called a failure, struck and bruised. I began to shut down, not speaking, not sleeping. All I wanted was for someone to hug me and say, "I love you." More than that, I wanted someone to show me Love.

I thought- 'I will be happy if I keep my stuffed animals near me, my teddy bear, my tiger striped cat, my dachshund toy, my kangaroo toy, my baby doll.' I had names for all of these, and they all had their distinct personalities. But one day, my mother saw me lovingly arranging them on a wooden bench in my room. I was about 12 years old. When I came home from school the next day, they were all gone! I ran to my mother to ask where my "friends" were? She said, "I gave them away." I cried.

So then I thought- I will be happy if I study hard and get all A's in school. I had to study extra hard in Math, it was not my best subject. One evening at dinner, I told my parents that I gotten an A- on my Math test. My mother told me icily, "Next time it will be an A." I had to swallow hard to eat my supper.

So then I thought - I will be happy if I get accepted to my first choice in college. I WAS accepted and I was very happy there. I made friends and did well; except that when spring of my senior year came, I cried because I knew that I would be leaving that happy place. . But then, my mother told me that I would major in what she told me to study because she was paying the tuition. And if I did not follow her plan for me, I would be kicked out of the house and I was on my own. I did follow her plan for me because she forced her will on me. But my soul was crushed by living someone else's life.

So then I thought - I will be happy if I get a good job and make a generous salary. I did get that good job. But I hated the work. Every Sunday night, when the Sunday night programs came on TV, I cried because I knew that meant I would be back at the job I hated by Monday morning. Every time I tried to quit, I got a big raise and a nice promotion. I kept working harder than anyone else and lobbying for more and more responsibility. Why wasn't I happy?

So then I thought - I will be happy if I can meet the guy of my dreams and get married. Through a mutual friend, I did meet the man of my dreams, one who is kind, patient, smart and incredibly funny. We got engaged but my mother was furious. This was not the man SHE would have picked for me. My parents refused to stand in the receiving line at my wedding, and they cut us out of family holidays.

So then I thought- I will be happy if we can buy a house. We did find the house of our dreams. But then my parents refused to give us any support, monetary or otherwise, to fix it up, and then they refused to come to our house, because it was not "nice enough."

So then I thought - I will be happy if I became a mother. That joyous day came, when our son was born. But then my parents, and just about everyone else I knew, began giving me unsolicited parenting advice. And, I found out that caring for another tiny human being never can cure the longings and gaps in our own psyches.

All these years later, I am a whole lot older and wiser. I understand now that the longing in my wounded soul is with God. And God is not "out there" somewhere.  He is not too mysterious and remote that He can never be found or embraced.

I once asked a neighbor, "What is beyond Space, beyond all the skies and stars that we can see, and even the ones we cannot see?" She gave me a funny look and said, "I think that beyond that there is just more Space."

But that was not the answer that I was looking for. The way I figured it, Heaven was somewhere beyond the farthest reaches of Space, just no telling HOW far? What I wanted to know was, "Exactly how far away is God? How far away is Heaven?"

In reality, we don't need to locate God or the Divine in some indefinable place "Out There". God is NOT too mysterious and remote.

We do not need to go across the sea or through the skies to find Him. We do not need to ask anyone to bring Him TO us.

God is not found in only certain places - such as just in church.

I was looking for Love and happiness in all the wrong places. I wanted experiences and accomplishments and milestones in life to heal my Soul.

I thought I could heal my soul and find Love in comfort objects. In recognition for good grades. In acceptance at a college. In a job title and a certain salary. In the status of being married to another person. In motherhood.

But what I found out is that God IS Love. And God is no farther than my own lips and my own heart.

When I carry out that Love of God within me, FOR others and WITH others, I slowly heal my Soul. When I turn to God with all my heart and with all my Soul, I find the comfort and joy that I have always craved.

Today, I cannot say that I am "happy" in a secular sense. But I have found wisdom, peace, contentment, awe, Faith and peace. Who could for ask more that that?

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

The Wolf Factor

"Brothers and sisters: For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. For you were called for freedom, brothers and sisters. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh [selfish personal desires]; rather, serve one another through Love. . . But if you go on biting and devouring one another, beware that you are not consumed by one another. I say then: live by the Spirit. . . For the flesh has desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so you may not do what you want." -[Galatians 5:1, 13-18].


A dear friend tells me that I am the most humble, the least selfish person she knows. I was happy to hear that. But I told her, that this takes constant vigilance on my part. I ask myself, at every action and transaction, 'Where do my selfish desires end, and where does my Love and compassion for the other person begin?'

Always, I understand that I cannot always do whatever I want. I have to separate out what I want, from what the other person needs or deserves. Because what I selfishly want may actually harm, or even destroy another person.

What the Bible calls "the flesh" is a shorthand way of saying "selfish personal desires". There is even a list for that : immorality, idolatry [worshipping celebrity, or fame, or material wealth], hatred, discourse, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness." -[Galatians 5: 19].

A pressing desire for alcohol, for excessive eating, for jealousy, for gossiping, of fault-finding, for anger, feelings of superiority and arrogance, for cheating, for greed, for the lies we tell to make ourselves look in better standing- all of these enslave us.

A person may fight the urge to indulge in these, may fall into that selfish trap, then descend into an emotional fall-out over the whole sordid mess. This is not freedom, it is slavery to an impulse which we hate.

All of the human temptations which trap us are now played out on an international stage. When Social Media was invented, we were told, "Together, we can change the world."

Yes, digital media can promote and multiply the good. But it can also multiply and expand the evil, as well.

A nasty epithet can be retweeted or re-sent millions of times. What passes for News is essentially Gossip, repackaged in bright, throbbing colors, with just the barest soupçon of veracity, to make it seem like the Truth. In this digital media age, we are devouring each other, with innuendo and outright lies.

 We mince and parse others' words, pouncing on each other with a loud, "Aha!", if we detect an insult that is not even intended. Someone who absolutely denies the charges is considered even more guilty.

People in the Western world believe that it is our "inalienable right" to do whatever we want. Our greatest goal in life is to amass enough money and enough power, to not have to answer to anyone.
In fact, this "personal freedom" is packaged as the American Dream.

 But cheating one's way to the top; believing oneself superior because of power or money; descending into fits of rage, are NOT Love.

The temporary, ill-gotten gains of this world are not Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Because these fruits are priceless. They cannot be bought for any coin or power or money.

Here is a radical freedom: What if this Life's Dream is to love others? What if our dream is to do no harm? What if the most precious things in Life cannot be bought for money or power?

Selfish freedom, completely unfettered, (doing whatever I want, whenever I want) is ugly, cruel, voracious and arrogant - like a Wolf.

Even for all the wine, power, money, superiority or material wealth in the world, I do not want to be a Wolf.

What I want above all, is to Love and be loved. If the things of this world, such as money and power, cannot buy my greatest desire, which is Love- then money and power suddenly have absolutely no power over me.

I grew up in a home with plenty of money, power, greed, alcohol, fault-finding, anger, feelings of superiority, arrogance, hatred, racism, ambition, jealousy, envy. In other words, I grew up with nothing to feed my soul. I entered the world, after my childhood, broken and empty.

I could not find any value in their money, power or status. These were worthless and even dangerous to me. I had to make them meaningless and without value. The power of these false idols could have devoured me. I had to render them worthless to my Life.

Chasing money and power could not fill my soul. Only Love could.

When I am gone from this world, I do not want to be remembered by what I owned, or by the power I wielded, or by the fear I invoked, or by the lies I told, or by the superiority I displayed.

I want to be remembered by how I loved. Without Love, we devour and destroy each other.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019.

One Body

"The day was drawing to a close, and the twelve came to Him and said, ' Send the crowd away, so that they may go into the surrounding villages and countryside, to lodge and get provisions, for we are here in a deserted place.' But He said to them, 'You give them something to eat.' They said, 'We have no more than five loaves and two fish- unless we are to go and buy food for all these people.' For there were about five thousand men. . . Jesus, taking the five loaves and the two fish, looked up to Heaven and blesses and broke them, and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd. And all ate and were filled. What was leftover was gathered up, twelve baskets of broken pieces." -[Luke 9: 12-17.]

Just today, I helped the Community Outreach ministry, by transporting some of the over 200 bags of groceries donated by parishioners, to the town food pantry.

The director of the town food pantry greeted us joyfully. It is summer and the shelves of the pantry are almost bare. Low-income children who eat free breakfast and lunch at school are out of school, so they go hungry. Hunger knows no season or even social class. A family living in a mansion may find that the main bread winner has been laid off. The house is worth a lot but you cannot eat from an asset value.

People for centuries have wondered about the meaning and the explanation of the parable of the Loaves and Fishes.

At its heart, this parable speaks to me about hunger. In the crowd around Jesus, the hunger was not visible. And yet, it was there.

I grew up a hungry child. In my dysfunctional family, we had money and we had assets but I was fed inconsistently. At age five, I had learned the signs that would portend what nights I would receive no dinner. I had to learn the days of the week. Wednesdays were a poor bet for dinner. I would eat a bigger lunch at school. Then, I would appear at a neighbor's house, looking very hungry. Often, the neighbor, a poor widow herself, would give me a piece of bread with butter and a glass or two of milk. One mom would see that I might be cold and give me a bowl of chicken soup.

Today, I wonder if we see the hunger in others? I had a physical hunger as a child. But I also had a spiritual and emotional hunger. I was never hugged or told, "I love you." I was called a failure. If I reported that I was cold, I was told to, 'Stop acting up.'

The tender Love in this parable makes me teary-eyed. It is all that I longed for as a child. All that I lacked.

In a Christian church, we are one Body. We are all different, with different races, social classes, needs, gifts and talents. We are equal in the eyes of God, but we are not the same. Each of us is critical to the health of the whole.

The Body of Christ is not just in the community, but is in each one of us. Upon our Baptism, we receive the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us, and draws us closer to God's Son.

In case anyone believes that all this is just theological "mumbo-jumbo", there are real life consequences for this belief-

When I help another person, I am seeing and aiding the Jesus who abides in him.

When I tear another person apart, with my words or my actions, I am tearing apart Jesus.

I cannot even walk away and ignore another person in the world. . . because we are all part of one body. I am responsible for you, and you are responsible for me. We are one. If I walk away from another person, leaving him to flounder on their own, I am walking away from Jesus!

I can say, "Well, you are Jewish, or a slave, or a woman or, or. . ."  But the call is to encounter everyone, Jewish or Gentile, man or woman, slave or free.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, " In a real sense, all life is inter-related. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."

This is the meaning of the parable of the Loaves and Fishes. Jesus multiplies the Love exponentially, by offering His Body up for us. He says, Whatever you do unto the least of my brothers, you do unto me.

As a child, I received one bowl of soup, one piece of bread and butter. I received a ride home from a neighbor, on a cold day. Now, the great multiplier is Jesus Himself. As I see His face, His need, in all the people who are hungry, I feed the many.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in his book, "The Cost of Discipleship", "It is impossible to become a [new creation in Christ], as a solitary individual. It is the Spirit who brings Christ to each several member, who builds up the Church by gathering individual members together."

This is why Jesus says to His disciples, "YOU give them something to eat."  This is why Jesus says to His disciples, "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." -[John 13:35].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

From Trouble To Hope

"Brothers and sisters: We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by Faith to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, character, and proven character, Hope, and Hope does not disappoint, because the Love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." - [Romans 5: 1-5].


I confess that I have spent a lifetime bemoaning all the affliction, - that is, troubles - I have had in my life. Loving friends and relatives have told me that I "need to get over it." As if I am coated in some kind of personal Teflon, and all the traumas of life can merely roll off me with no effect.

As if. . . Each trauma and crisis soaks into my soul. Trauma does things to you. I have become hyper-vigilant, waiting for the next disaster to come: the death of yet another key person in my life, the severe abuse of my childhood resulting in nightmares and flashbacks.

We are human, after all, not robots. A negative event cannot simply "fail to compute", and fall away, inert.

Some well-meaning people tell me, "Everyone has had bad things happen to them." But that makes me feel only worse. Why do people have to minimize what others go through? Have I had more than a lifetime of woe?

So, I start to recite:
Newborn: I almost died before I cam into this world. My mother nearly died, too.
Three: I came very close to drowning in a neighbor's pool.
Four: There was a fire in my grandparents' house.
Five: My dysfunctional mother did not feed me consistently. I had to find food at the neighbor's.
Six: I was diagnosed with severe asthma. My mother was a chain smoker.
Eight: Because of continual family, abuse, I shut down my emotions.
Ten: My beloved grandfather, my only ally, died. I stopped speaking.
Fourteen:  A member of the extended family committed suicide.
Eighteen: I became aware of my father's abuse.
Nineteen: My mother threatened to cut off tuition and threatened abandonment.
Twenty-three: I was the victim of a violent crime and nearly lost my life. My parents refused to allow me to come home to recover.
Forty-One: My husband and I nearly lost our infant son.
Forty-two: A massive maple tree fell directly in my path, nearly killing me and my infant son.

A Catholic friend with inspiring Faith once told me, "But all your suffering brings you closer to Jesus." I told her, "That is like someone telling you to get severely ill, so you can check into a hospital, in order to meet a cute doctor."

Lately, I am starting to see the wisdom of Romans 5, however.  The only comfort I get over the growing pains my teens son has, is to talk to other parents. We commiserate that none of our sons really WANT to take out the trash. The kids would rather indulge in screen time, and they require more than a few reminders to do their chores. I even spoke to a friend from Africa, and he laughed and said, 'More than a few boys fall asleep when they are supposed to be minding the cows, and the cows wander off. Then, there is trouble.'

Affliction produces endurance. Shared affliction produces community and even Love.

I remember telling some of my story to a wise nun. She told me, 'Your story is awful. But, go back and look over those years. God was there, somewhere. He is always there.'  And so, the next time I saw her, I told her how the neighbors fed me, or gave me rides to school when I was left to trudge in the snow alone. My parents told me that there was no God. I did not believe them. My tiny flame of Faith, which I had to keep hidden from them, was enough to give me access to God's grace. It was His grace that rained down on me when I was fed, taken in out of the rain, and encouraged by others. It was God's Love carried forth by my neighbors.

Beyond that, Christians are to keep their eyes on Jesus, not on our troubles. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book, "The Cost of Discipleship", said, "If we behold Jesus Christ, going on, step by step, we shall not go astray. But, if we worry about the dangers that beset us, if we gaze at the road instead of at Him who goes before, we are already straying from the path. For He Himself is the Way." - I have to tell myself, that whatever it is that I face, Jesus has faced Himself, and then some. If Jesus cannot walk with us in Love, no matter what we face, no one can.

From affliction comes endurance, and from endurance character. Sometimes I don't think of myself as having strength of character. But many people who know me say that when they see me, they see Strength. I could not have survived what I have without strength of character. It is what has made me refuse to give up.

It has been a hard-won strength. I am asked all the time what has saved me? I say, "Hope. And Faith".

Call me foolish to be a Christian. But I have survived only because I have Hope in Something or Someone who is purer, stronger, eternal, Divine. The vagaries of Life can change in an instant. Family you thought would love you unconditionally can hurt you immensely. You can possess a fortune one day, but lose it utterly the next.

And where IS God? He is inside us. I thought my family, by denying God, could take my Faith away. But no, my Faith is my inborn desire for what is timeless, unconditional and eternal. The more trouble I experience, the stronger my Faith and the more unrelenting my Hope. Because the Love of God has been poured out in my Heart, through the Holy Spirit. I shall not falter.

Bonhoeffer says that "the curse [of being rejected and of suffering ills] will not harm the disciples, but the Peace they brought returns to them. You must not be depressed, for what others refuse will prove an even greater blessing for yourselves. To such, the Lord says, ' They have scorned it [Hope, Faith, Love], so keep it for yourselves."

And what we retain is far more valuable - endurance, character, Hope, and the Love of God poured out into our hearts. All these are priceless.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

Spirit Flame

"When the time for Pentecost was fulfilled, they were all in one place together. And suddenly there came from the sky a noise like a strong driving wind, and it filled the entire house in which they were. Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire, which parted and came to rest on each one of them. And they were filled with the Holy Spirit. . ." -[Acts 2:1-11).


Pentecost, Greek for "50th", began as the Israelite Festival of Weeks, the celebration of the spring harvest held 50 days after the offering of firstfruits at Passover. Over time, the Israelite Pentecost became a celebration of the giving of the Law (Ten Commandments) at Sinai.

In the Christian Church, Pentecost celebrates the birth of the church. After Jesus was crucified and died, He came to His disciples in the upper room where stye hid in fear, and He breathed the Spirit on them. Then they were charged with going forth in courage to spread the Word.

Even before His death, Jesus told His disciples, "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of Truth. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  . . He who does not love me will no obey my teaching. I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when He, the Sprit of Truth comes, He will guide you in all Truth. . . -[John 14: 15-18; 16: 12-12].

When a Christian is baptized as a very young child, he or she receives the Holy Spirit within them. When a young person is Confirmed in the church, he or she receives the Completion of the Spirit.

As we walk through life, we are not alone in facing the myriad difficult issues that we encounter. We have a Comforter and Teacher within us, to guide us. Some would say that the Holy Spirit is that soft inner voice within, prompting us to "do the right thing." We can follow that inner voice, or we can defy it.

I grew up in highly dysfunctional home. There was abuse of every kind- physical, emotional, verbal, sexual. Gradually, I shut down, first vowing to show no emotion, then to feel no emotion, then to stop speaking, then eating little and sleeping little.

People are shocked at how I turned out. In my home, there was dissension, drinking, anger, jealousy, strife, physical violence, neglect, rejection, blackmailing, emotional recrimination, abandonment. Obviously, these are not the fruits of the Spirit.

When we receive the Holy Spirit, we receive the inclination towards the Gifts of the Spirit: Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Strength, Knowledge, and Awe of the Lord.

As a child, I "knew" in my heart and soul that these were how I was to behave. I wasn't merely trying to be good for the sake of being good. I longed for a life that was NOT filled with violence, rejection, abandonment and hate.

Where my brother hit me, I knitted him a sweater. This was Strength, countering Hate.

Where my mother berated me verbally, calling me a failure and threatening abandonment, I weeded her garden. This was Wisdom, countering rejection.

Where my father drank and abused me, I did chores around the house, such as painting and raking. This was Understanding, countering enmity.

And when I turned 18, I left home for good.

I was a joyful child- I sat in my room and sang songs. I looked forward to the day when I would be safe. I had patience, to make the best of my situation, and to leave peacefully when I could.

I have received the Fruits of the Spirit today: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Generosity, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.  I am sometimes in awe at how I am able to live my life after my early life.

I have Wisdom and Understanding at what happened to me. I did not deserve what happened but I understand my early life was all about what my parents had to give, not about what I myself lacked.

I have Strength and Knowledge, that I can move into a joyful and fruitful Life.

I have Love now, people who love me, and people whom I can love.

Patience and Kindness and Gentleness are critically important to me, because I know all too well what a lifetime of Hate and cruelty feel like.

I am generous now, because of all the times I was not fed, or not loved, or was judged and rejected.

I am above all Faithful to the God who created me, who protected me and who walks with me.

Happy Pentecost.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

[Related Posting: "My Pentecost Life", 5/15/16; "Pentecost: The Birth of the Church", 5/24/15; "Healing Gifts", 5/23/12.]