Family Day

"Man does not live by bread alone." [Deuteronomy 8].

In my parish, September 26 is "Family Day: A Day to Eat Dinner With Your Children."  Family Day is sponsored by Columbia University's National Center On Addiction and Substance Abuse.

You think, what does eating dinner with your children have to do with substance abuse? It turns out, a lot. Families who regularly eat dinner with their children tend to raise children who do not abuse drugs, alcohol or smoke cigarettes. The simple act of a shared meal, gentle conversation, laughter and sharing of stories binds families together.

A generation ago, it was unthinkable not to have family dinnertime every night of the week. I still cook dinner every night, and my family and I eat together around the kitchen table. When people find out about that, some say to me, "You COOK?! Every night?!"  I find that sad. It makes me feel like some sort of bizarre anomaly.


A generation ago, the family and the church were at the center of everyday life. Not so any longer-- and we are not necessarily the better for that.


What has become the norm today is a far different picture. Maybe the kids have too many athletic practices and games after school. "Dinner" becomes grabbing some fast food in the car on the way to the sports field. Maybe mom or dad work late most nights. Maybe the kids eat dinner in front of the TV, then retire to the computer or to electronic games, while mom and dad eat dinner separately.

Growing up, we ate dinner every night in the dining room- and no TV was allowed! If the phone rang during dinner, my mother would gripe, WHO is THAT calling during the dinner hour?!

One of the fondest memories I have is of going to my grandmother's house every week for Sunday dinner. My whole family would be there, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.  Grandma would serve a big dinner in the middle of the day-- a roast of some sort, some potatoes roasted with the meat, and two kinds of vegetables, plus a home made dessert.  We celebrated every holiday, every anniversary, every birthday.

These were the ties that would bind us as a family. I have for the most part lost those ties. My grandparents and my parents are all gone. The rest of us have all moved far away from each other, moved on. But I miss those Sundays!

Think of that warm, happy feeling you get from Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, with all the relatives together for the day. I would posit that it is much more than the fancy meal and extravagant desserts fueling that happy feeling. A family dinner is about much more than a full belly. No, it is about the connection that we get from being with our "clan", a feeling of being part of something, of belonging to someone.

When I got married, I vowed that we would always sit down to a meal together at the end of the day. There were times early in our marriage that all we could afford were rice and beans, or canned tunafish for dinner. But every night, we would light a candle, count our blessings and break bread together.

Sometimes, my young son asks, Why do we have to eat together, at the same time? I tell him, Only wolves eat alone. He asks, Why do we have to sit at the table to eat? I tell him, Only horses eat standing up. Sharing a daily meal together is what makes us human.


It also encourages family conversation. I have been noticing lately that parents talk AT kids, not with them: "Sit down! Be quiet! Eat! Sit up straight! Stop that!" Of course, a parent's job is to teach their children by giving instruction. But addressing one's children as people in their own right, with a story to tell, or maybe even an opinion on world hunger, is extremely valuable too.  

So, it turns out that this mealtime ritual does not just bring on good feelings. It is powerful medicine for the soul.


God, I do not live by bread alone. Bring me together, with those I love, for my daily meal. Give me my daily bread of food to eat, and of love from my family to feed my soul.

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