God's Sandpaper

"Brothers and sisters, You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children: 'My child, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reported by Him; for whom the lord loves, He disciplines; He scourges every child [whom] He acknowledges.'   Endure your trials as 'discipline'; God treats you as sons and daughters. For what "child" is there whom his father does to discipline? At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it. So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees. Make straight paths for your feet, that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed." -[Hebrews 12: 5-7, 11-13].

A Christian friend has explained the phrase, "God's Sandpaper" to me. It means that oftentimes in life, the same difficult personal issue will keep coming up. If we take the time to reflect upon some of the tough times in our life, and upon our attitudes and beliefs, we may see a pattern.

This friend explains that the same kind of trials may keep coming up over the years; and what ensues may be harsh consequences, or may be our own blindness to the patterns, or may ultimately become deeply healing lessons.

In my friend's case, she endured a childhood of poverty and abuse. God did not cause these circumstances in her life! God certainly does not believe that she ever deserved these experiences. But, my friend admits that she often reacts to completely unrelated events in her life with anger. She has had to apologize countless times, she has suffered impaired relationships because of it.

From a dysfunctional marriage, to bosses who took advantage of her extreme work ethic, to friends or family who took their own dysfunctions out on her - it took my friend a lot of prayer and trials and reflection to see that what God wants her to learn in all of this is that anger so often comes from the fear of being diminished or even lost.

And God wants her to learn that He has her back, and she does not need to live in fear or believe that she is marginalized. It took my friend a lot of pain and feelings of abandonment to begin to see that she IS a daughter of God and she does have value.

In my own case, my reaction to childhood abuse and trauma was to "go invisible". Over only a few years, I ate little, I slept little, I hid in my room, I numbed my emotions, and finally by age ten, I stopped speaking.

I have this belief that I matter to no one, and no one matters to me. I still half believe I am invisible. I still have a horror of being noticed or acknowledged. At times, the pain I bear from what I went through is so intense, I feel as if absolutely no one could have had it worse than I have had.

The first thing I did to heal, was to join a church. I was astonished that one of the pastors noticed that I never went up the aisle for Communion. What astonished me is that anyone would notice me at all! When I told him "Oh! I thought I was invisible!", he laughed out loud and assured me that I am NOT invisible.

The next thing I noticed is that the people at church learned my name and said hello. I was astonished at that, too. For a time I would actually look behind me to see if the greeter was talking to someone else, because she could not be addressing ME.

Soon I was invited to participate in church ministries. I was astonished at that, too. This meant that people really saw me, and wanted me to be actively involved. Even more, they wanted to hear my voice.

Finally, through church, I met two young men, who were former Lost Boys of South Sudan. I found myself unable to quell my curiosity about them and their stories. What I learned is that they went through far, far worse than I ever did. Where I was hungry and neighbors fed me, so often they went without food for days. Where I lived in fear, they forged ahead despite drought, monsoons, swollen rivers, rapacious lions, goring antelope; they braved the impossible, because they did not have the luxury of merely existing, they had to survive.

I asked one of the young men how he could possibly be so calm and at peace today? He replied, "What I went through made me into the man I am today."

My attitude has transformed totally. Yes, I still struggle to accept what happened to me. But I now have a much more finely-honed sense of compassion for others. All around me, I see others who have had it just as bad, and even much, much worse.

And then, in His final act of discipline and Healing, God called me to help these Lost Boys and their village. Suddenly, I am caring deeply for these men and their village. They truly matter to me, like the family I never had.

Ultimately, they have told me that I matter to them. In fact, they call me "Mom" because of my protective Love and counsel. I grew up never feeling that I belonged to anyone, or that anyone belonged to me. "God's Sandpaper" - all those times that someone has called me by name and gathered me close-  has made me visible and possessing of value.

I have had to be very brave to learn to feel and speak and sleep peacefully again. But the rewards of God's healing hand are great. I will never be invisible again.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.















 

The Rich Man

 “Jesus said to the crowd, ‘ Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.’  Then He told them a parable. ‘There was a rich man whose land produced a bountiful harvest. He asked himself, ‘What shall I do, for I do not have space to store my harvest? I shall tear down my barns and build larger ones. There I shall store all my grain and other goods and I shall say to myself, ‘Now as for you, you have so many good things stored up for many years, rest, eat, drink and be merry!’ But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’
Thus it will be for all who store up treasure for themselves but are not rich in what matters to God.’ “
-[Luke 12: 13-21.]


In times gone by, we used to admire a person who had amassed wealth. People would say, ‘THAT man must be smart and hard-working and gifted, look at how successful he is!’

Today, we see a person who has amassed wealth and we see a person who must be, by definition, Evil. The wealthy person must have taken advantage of others to amass those riches. Maybe he practically stole the riches. He must have broken the law or walked over others to get ahead. We assume that we must hate wealthy persons, because wealth = evil.

Each of these notions of wealth is somewhat of a stereotype. A person who is wealthy may be honest, hard-working and fair. OR, he may be corrupt and evil. Every person’s bank account has a personal story behind the riches.

This Scripture says that “though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.”  Luke also warns about those who “store up treasure for themselves but are not rich in what matters to God.”

God does not love us more, or less, based on our wealth. He loves everyone where they are.

What God does measure us by, is if we store up treasure for ourselves. He measures us by seeing if the wealth itself becomes an idol, something we worship more than we worship Him.

Wealth does make it harder to keep a clear head and put God first.  Putting God first is not impossible for a person who is wealthy. But the riches can easily get in the way of generosity and humility.

Getting wealth and keeping wealth can become more important than the qualities of Love, generosity, tolerance, peace, humility, patience and so on. Keeping wealth can become hoarding, or competing with others who have more wealth, or feeling envious of others who may have more than even we do.

I have seen countless times when a person comes into riches, and the wealth changes that person for the worse. Sometimes the wealthy person confuses the money with God’s approval. A rich person is in danger of believing that God must favor him because He has blessed him with wealth.

A wealthy person is in danger of  believing that those with fewer resources are somehow inferior.

For me, I remember when I was grateful to have a few dollars to buy the basic things I needed. I remember living paycheck to paycheck. I remember eating rice and beans for the last few nights before I got paid again, and the panic that set in after I had paid all my bills and I had so little left.

Now that I am comfortable, I find that my bank balance does not matter on a day to day basis. I find myself working on deep and loving relationships. People have told me that I am the most generous and selfless person they know.

I examine myself each time I make a decision, to ensure that my motivation comes from selflessness and humility, and not greed or self promotion.

The blessings that I have do not make me a better person, more worthy or admirable. The blessings that I have DO enable me to be loving and generous to others.

I always try to ensure that the material blessings that I have do no harm, or at least remain neutral to who and what I am. I am embarrassed if anyone thinks I have material assets, because I do not want anyone to confuse my presumed material riches, with who I am as a human being.

Even better, I try to ensure that the material blessings that I have can become a source of blessing to others. Perhaps since I am comfortable, I can utilize my extra time when I am not earning, to help others. Often, I donate to charity or quietly assist a friend or neighbor, since I can.

For, the kind of wealth which I count precious must be “what matters to God.”  And that is the kind of wealth that multiplies, the more I give it away.

(C) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.

I AM Martha

 “Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed Him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at His feet listening to Him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to Him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do the serving? Tell her to help me.’ The Lord said to her in reply, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.’ “ - [Luke 10:38-42].

Life today has become a To-Do List. A Bucket List. A Checklist.

We measure ourselves by what we DO. Not by who we ARE.

Have we climbed a higher mountain than the next person? Have we visited more states? More countries?

Have we won more trophies or awards? Have we logged more hours? Run more miles?

It has come to the point that people ask,  “What are you going to DO on your vacation?”  DO?

 How about, Sit in a chair and watch the sun rise. Or the sun set? How about strolling in the woods, not with the goal of how many miles traveled, but with the vague sensation of happening upon a tiny butterfly, or some wild roses with their sweet scent, or the feel of a cooling breeze?

Sometimes, I wonder what the future will bring? I race around trying to control every eventuality.
Will my son do well in college and get a good paying job? Will I plan my savings well for retirement? Will I keep my health as I age?

Sometimes I think we humans race around trying to rack up accomplishments, in a desperate attempt to feel that we are in control of our lives. ‘Look at me’, we say, ‘ I am in good stead, I volunteered 150 hours this year. Look at me, I am an interesting and worthy person, I am global, I have seen many tourist sites.’

But, as I told an acquisitive person in my life, “ There is ALWAYS someone out there with a bigger boat.”

Anything we own or think we have acquired can be taken from us in an instant. Busyness is not godliness. Our possessions do not equate with our inherent value.

If I came upon Jesus, I am afraid I would be Martha, not Mary. I would want to “create the moment” rather than being serenely still and drinking it all in.

How wrong I would be!

If I am too busy, I will never really see life. Or, enjoy it. I will race down that circuitous path with an eye only to the end of the trail. I will never pause long enough to even see the butterfly. Let alone to delight in its meandering flight.

Sometimes, when an issue in life arises, I want to see it resolved NOW. If there are twists and turns along the way, I actually try to say to Life, “Well?! HURRY up”.

I cannot stand the suspense. I want the denouement and I want it to be a happy ending, and I want it NOW. So I run around trying to prevent any eventualities.

What God wants me to do is to sit with Jesus sometimes, and trust in all Faith that He will walk with me as Life unfolds.

I need to remember that I cannot control what happens, just by staying insanely busy, desperately attempting to plug all the holes in life, to adjust for others’ shortcomings, or my own. The Mary in me understands that the Peace which comes from sitting with Jesus is the ONLY thing that cannot be taken away from me.

[Related Postings: “The Martha Complex”, 7/16/16; “Are you Martha or Mary?’, 7/21/13].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Resserved.