Mother's Day

" The Lord says: As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted." [Isaiah 66: 13].

This Sunday is Mother's Day. This holiday began in the United States, unofficially, in 1872, at the urging of Julia Ward Howe who, during the Franco-Prussian war, agonized over the ensuing death toll, and longed for peace. I did not know that Mother's Day was actually a peace movement!

Then, Anna Jarvis in the early 1900's lobbied influential men in government to establish an official Mother's Day. Anna's mother had held a class in her church about women in the Bible; she ended the class by remarking that there were no days to honor women, and that there should be a holiday commemorating mothers. I did not know that Mother's Day began as part of the women's movement!

Through Anna's efforts to remember her mother's wish, by 1907, about 45 churches across the United States held Mother's Day celebrations. In 1913, Mother's Day was declared an official holiday by Congressional Resolution.

Ironically, despite the peaceful, even activist roots of the holiday, on this Mother's Day, motherhood has become controversial. Recently, a lobbyist for the 2012 Presidential campaign criticized Presidential candidate Romney's wife for being "only" a mother. The comment was made that Mrs. Romney has not "worked a day in her life!" Mrs. Romney, the mother of five sons!!!?

That comment provoked a firestorm of debate, especially amongst mothers. The comment was hastily retracted.

Several years ago, before my son was born, I worked in a skyscraper downtown. In the old days, I might have been called a "career girl". After I got married, I was for many years without children. I got puzzled looks and comments. Was something "wrong" with me?

The working mothers in the office thought that I did not "want" to become a mother. They eyed me suspiciously. Maybe I made them look bad in front of the boss, since I could always work late or could readily assent to last minute assignments for business travel?

The truth is, I longed to be a mother; but when this was to become a reality, whether I would continue working after the baby came, take time off, or simply quit-- all that was no one's business, as I tried to figure it all out.

Then one day, I announced that we were expecting a son. Suddenly, the working mothers came up to me, saying, "Congratulations! You are on our side now!"

I was confused and dismayed.  I had not changed. I was the same person, the woman who was trying to balance the desire to utilize my gifts with my deeply held dream to become a mother. Why was I being treated so differently?

Women are NOT on "teams". We do not "switch sides", depending on whether we decide to have children or not. I did not dream that motherhood could become a competitive sport.

But motherhood IS a competitive sport. American mothers bend over backwards to outdo each other in the sphere of ,motherhood.  On the cover of Time Magazine this week, is a photo of a mother breast-feeding a child who is about 3 1/2 years old. The caption reads, "Are you Mom enough?"  The subtext is that certain mothers, who take the time and dedication to breast feed their children long-term, (until toddlerhood), win the "Mommy wars".

All over America, there is shock over this cover photo. Some call the image "obscene" or even "child abuse."

The original meaning of Mother's Day is to celebrate mothers and to unite together as women. It was never intended as a day that prompts us women to become enemies.


Mother's Day is a difficult, even painful day for me. There is a hole in my heart over my childhood. My mother was one of those perfect moms: she was beautiful, with wavy dark hair, a slim figure and piercing blue eyes. But she was emotionally remote. Her home was perfect in every detail. There was not a piece of mail on the kitchen counter, and not a hint of mud on her floors. The place looked like no one lived there. I was afraid to sit down.

My mother never hugged me or kissed me or said, 'I love you.'  I feel like I never really had a mother. I tried to love her, even though she showed me no affection. For her, love was a verb only. She would take me to dance lessons, tennis lessons, choir practice, Girl Scout meetings. She executed motherhood flawlessly.

The day before my mother died three years ago, I kissed her on the cheek, and said goodby after a brief visit at her place. She looked pained, but tried to smile indulgently at me. The kiss was clearly for me, not for her. This is the last memory I have of her: a love unfulfilled.

To me, love is more than a verb. Yes, we have to meet our childrens' needs. But love is also messy. Love is sloppy kisses, and a kitchen dusted with flour after an afternoon spent baking cookies. Love does not look outward to others' opinions. Love looks only at the object of one's affection. Love is deeply held, focused, not worldly or calculated.

All over the world, we mothers all want the same thing for our kids-- world peace, a safe school, a good education, good medical care for our children, a safe place to live, freedom from violence for both ourselves and our children. We mothers are not enemies of each other! We cannot be on opposing teams. We need each other too much!

Perhaps when some folks see a mother, they see a loser, a lazy person who does not want to be out in the work force. This attitude towards mothers is skewed. Motherhood is not a "resume"! If being only a mother is not enough, who, then, do people think will be at home raising the next generation? If mothers do not devote themselves to their children during the early years, where are we going to get tomorrow's engineers, scientists, teachers, doctors, plumbers, builders etc.?

This Mother's Day, I pray that all women will be open in their love for mothers. I pray that all women will worship the Lord who gave us mothers-- our own mothers included! God places Love on our hearts, but mothers are the ones who bring that Love to fruition!

[Related Posting, :Sommnity of Mary", January 2, 2012; "Raising the Future", October 2011.]

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.