And The Angels Wept

" Blessed are you who weep now. . . ." [Luke 6: 21]

Formerly revered Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky was recently convicted of 45 counts of sexual abuse. He will now be sentenced to hundreds of years in prison. He is convicted of preying upon 10 boys over a period of 15 years.

Many patrons in a sports bar near Penn State cheered as the verdict was handed down. But there are no winners here.

This case is about a lot more than jeering at abusers, like they are some kind of curiosities or monsters in a freak show. Enough has been written, excoriating Sandusky for his predatory behavior (as well he should be).  I will not spend inordinate amount of time psychoanalyzing abusers. Sandusky is where he should be now. I leave ultimate judgement to God.

The persons who deserve my time and attention are the victims.  Exactly who speaks for the nameless, despairing victims? They are invisible and we must allow them that privacy. But they do not have to be silenced. Their story deserves to be told.

I shall speak in defense of the victims, against any who would judge them. Many will wonder why the victims would come forward now, so many years later? I can tell you that there is an awful chasm between who the abuser was in the victim's eyes, and the ugly trauma that occurred. How can the child resolve that it is the child's coach, or father, or clergy  member, or teacher who is inflicting such painful acts?

Everything goes through the child's mind: Who would believe me, against such a revered figure?This is so horrible, so surreal,  is this really happening to me? Is it even real? If I do tell, will I be the one blamed? If I do tell, I will have to tell this painful story, over and over. Everyone in the world will know. Unable to resolve this conflict, the child buries the memory.

Often, the child fears deeply hurting his parents. There is a "conspiracy of silence" over the abuse. The child is too afraid to tell his own family. The abuser's family and his allies hope that it will all just go away.The child decides to bear the pain himself. Or, the pain is so searing, the child buries it so that he can survive: able, in at least a wounded fashion, to sleep, eat, go to school, and so forth. The pain does not go away, but the memory of its cause is deeply repressed because it is too horrible to  contemplate.

Many who judge will accuse victims of "jumping on the band wagon", as the survivors all come forward at once; as if their charges are some sort of twisted conspiracy or copycat scheme, invented to destroy reputations.

This is no conspiracy. The victims are often unaware of each other. Why do claims seem to come out all at once?  Often, the detailed memory of the abuse does not come back until it is triggered by events in the news. It is very common for a media story from one abuser to trigger memories of other abusers.

Why the time lag in victims coming forward? It is common for repressed memories to come back only after the abuser is dead or retired from the situation, because it is only then that the victim feels safe enough to speak. This is especially so if the abuser threatened the victim with harm.

Others will accuse the victims of just wanting money. I say:  No amount of money, not even an award of millions of dollars, will ever take away the pain, the feelings of worthlessness, the desire to remain invisible, the heavy burden of nightmares and flashbacks. 

I have heard people ask abuse survivors, why do you "want to dwell on this"?  Many abuse survivors do everything possible to bury the traumatic memories. But you cannot bury them forever. The memories come back unbidden: during the day as flashbacks; at night as nightmares. Everytime a nightmare or a flashback occurs, the victim is forced to relive the trauma, as if in real time.

You may say, "Well, the victim  was not murdered." I would say to you that sexual abuse is murder of the soul. The prosecutor in the Sandusky case, Joe McGettigan, told the jury, ' I have 10 souls in my pocket. You can't give them back the pieces of the souls that [their abuser] took.'

[Post Script: I applaud the victims for their courage in coming forward to testify against Sandusky, despite their considerable trauma and fears. On July 12, 2012, former FBI Director Louis Freeh issued a report on the scandal at Penn State. He found that at least four top officials at Penn State knew about children being abused over a period of fourteen years, but chose to remain silent. That is, the officials were more interested in the football program than in the welfare of the kids. This, Louis Freeh asserted, shows a "callous and shocking disregard for the victims." In cases of such shocking abuse, where the victims cannot always speak up for themselves, it is up to all those who suspect abuse to report it. Freeh's report states that there were "more red flags than you could count, over a long period of time."] 

I pray that the world pours out its love upon the abuse survivors who are so broken hearted and wounded. I pray that the survivors find peace.

Related postings: "STOP Abuse", April 14, 2011; and "Rescuing the Invisible Child", April 18, 2012].

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.