My Baptism By Fire

" Jesus said to His disciples: ' I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing! Do you think that I have come to establish peace on earth? There is a baptism with which I must be baptized, and how great is my anguish until it is accomplished. No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on, a household of five will be divided, three against two, and two against three; a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.' " [ Luke 12: 49-53.]

In this Scripture, we see how stern that Jesus can be. Here, He even seems harsh. This is not the gentle, peaceful Son of God whom most know and would recognize.

In this passage, our Faith is like a War, as it brings great division. This passage reminds me of Ephesians 6: 10- 17 -- " Be strong in the Lord and His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's evil schemes. . . . Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground. . . Stand firm, then, with the belt of Truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of Righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with readiness . . . In addition, take up the shield of Faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows. Take the helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God."

I also recall Jesus saying, "I come not to bring peace, but I come with a sword," [Matthew 10:34]. This Scripture goes on to say, " A man's enemies will be the members of his own family. Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me."

Jesus speaks of taking up our cross to follow Him. A cross is heavy, it is a burden, it leads to earthly suffering. The Cross also leads to heavenly Salvation.

What a stark choice to make! Yet, I have lived these passages. . . .

My parents brought me to church until I was age 14. Despite my baptism, my First Communion and Confirmation, we stopped going to church. They waited until both my grandparents were deceased, though. Not going to church would have provoked the ire of my grandparents.

I was afraid as a child, that if my parents took church away, then they could take my faith away. I almost became afraid of my mother, when it came to my Faith. She used to tell me that "Religion is the opiate of the masses." In her view, religion was a pablum for those too weak or unintelligent to figure things out on their own, or to take care of themselves.

When I was old enough to make decisions about my Faith on my own, I wore my gold cross necklace under my shirt when in her presence. In my own home, I hid my Bible upstairs where she did not go. I memorized The Armor of God, and would recite it to myself, before I had to visit her.

I could not be fully myself with my parents, because of the great divide between us over Faith. This was not a theoretical divide. I dared not confront my mother as a teen, but I would whisper Scriptural phrases to myself, to negate her rhetoric. If she said, Almighty Dollar, I would whisper, "Almighty God."

I had to keep a part of me separate from them, the part that was not materialistic, not intolerant of others; the part of me that was filled with Faith and believing in a Power higher than ourselves.

When I married a Catholic, my mother thought I was doing this TO her. My parents refused to stand in the receiving line at my wedding.

Any conversations I had with my sibling about church and Faith were met with a smirk. I was told, "Church is a waste of time and money." I could not be myself with my only sibling, even as adults.

I began my married life as a non-Catholic. I wanted to please my mother-in-law, but being a non-Catholic, I did not know how. Conversion to Catholicism was never anything I could discuss with my mother-in-law. I didn't want her to pressure me.

Then, on my mother-in-law's death bed, she told me that I would convert someday. They say that when we are near death, we are nearer to the Truth. I came away from her bedside concluding that she did not know what she was talking about.

Then, my dear mother-in-law did pass away. I was devastated. My father saw my grief and told me, "Well, you always have that Faith thing." I could see the pitying look in his eye. I thought he was patronizing me, and therefore, that he was patronizing my Faith. Obviously, I could not talk about my Faith with my father, with any sincerity.

I had to battle for my Faith. And yes, I finally did convert!

In the last few years, both my father, then my mother died. I have looked back on my life and what I have seen is that I was called to make a series of decisions, that forced me to choose between my family and God.

It does not seem fair that a mere child should be forced to choose between her mother and father vs. God.

Yet, I see now that Jesus was right-- we are all called to ask ourselves whether we love even our own families, even our father and mother, more than we love Him?

I can see now that I need to "Be strong in the Lord." I need my Belt of Truth. I need my feet to be firmly planted on the ground. I need my helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit. This is what keeps my Faith strong, even among those who would attempt to talk me out of it.

I know now that "If God is for me, who can be against me?" [ Romans 8: 28-31]. Even though I grew up in a family who never told me they loved me, who exhibited more hate than love, I know now that " neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate [me] from the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus."

And so-- if you could not have both a faith-filled family AND God, who would YOU choose?

[Related posting, "In Battle For God", August 25, 2012].

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