Husbands and Wives

" Brothers and sisters: Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife, just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed Himself over to her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So also, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church." --[ Ephesians 5: 21-32].



There is a dangerous trend today of folks taking a few particular Biblical verses out of context, and using those isolated words to reject the whole of the Catholic/Christian church. The deacon who taught my Biblical School class last year used to say, "Learn and understand what the Catholic Church teaches, before you reject Her."

BEFORE we even get to the part where this Scripture that says, "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands", the very first command in this Scripture states: "Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ."   What this means to me is, in everyday relationships, and in marital relationships, forget the power struggle! So husbands, this statement, that wives should be subordinate to you, does not mean you have won some sort of battle of the sexes.

This Scripture goes on to say that the husband is head of his wife, just as Christ is head of the Church; BUT, that the husband must love his wife just as much as he loves his own body. In other words, the wife and husband are as one body.

And, the Scripture says, the husband loves his wife, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for to sanctify her. A husband's love for his wife is to be so deep that he sacrifices himself in body for her, keeps her in splendor, without spot or blemish, keeps her holy, and nourishes and cherishes her.

With husband is like Jesus, and the wife like the Church, is there anything that "Jesus" will not do for His "Church"?  No, Jesus is even willing to suffer and die for Her. Because Jesus and the Church are One.

The husband is so in communion with the wife, that he even leaves behind his own father and mother, and becomes one flesh with his wife.

There is a great mystery in this union, something so unexplainable, so perfect, so holy and sacred -- that we call it the Sacrament of Marriage. Being so holy and sacred, there is nothing that can separate such a husband and wife, not even death.

This is why the "casual hook-up" is so anathema to Christians. Saying, "I will live with you, but only until the rent gets too high for me, or until you will stop leaving your socks on the floor" -- won't cut it.

My own family called themselves Christian, but did not understand marriage. I remember when I went home to tell my mother that I was going to marry my soul mate, and my parents were horrified --because he is Catholic. They said, "Can't you marry someone else? Why don't you date others?"- and, "You cannot marry a Catholic because, then, you can never get a divorce."  My mother even asked me to "explain" what I saw in him?

At the time, I thought that would be like trying to explain the punch line to a joke. But it is even more deep and ephemeral than that. WHAT do I see in him? -- It is nothing in particular. It is everything.

It is like trying to explain the relationship between Jesus and the Church. It is like trying to explain God. You cannot. Can you?

How can I explain how I know exactly when my husband needs another cup of coffee? I hand him the cup and he stares at me, astonished, saying, "HOW did you know?"   How can I explain how, when I walk in feeling defeated, my husband says to me, "You need a hug!" How can I explain how I will hand my husband a tissue, even before he sneezes?

We have been married so long and are in such communion, that we look at spouses who live and work and travel apart, and we shake our heads. Neither one of us could live very long without the other. The times when we have been forced apart by circumstances have felt to me like I had had my right arm cut off.

It is beyond me how or why people criticize that. Isn't that what we humans long for our whole lives, to be in unconditional, spiritual and eternal commitment with someone? The only thing better than that is to be in communion with God.

In fact, just as husbands and wives are one body, so are Jesus and the Church. All of these relationships-- husband/wife, Jesus/Church--  point our way to God --- which is why, the mystical relationship between a husband and wife is a little bit of Heaven on earth.

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