Wednesday, January 20, 2016

The Tyranny of Conformity



"Brothers and sisters: There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; there are different forms of service but the same Lord; there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone.
To each individual the manifestation of the Spirit is given for some benefit. To one is given through the Spirit the expression of wisdom; to another, the expression of knowledge according to the same Spirit; to another, faith. By the same Spirit; to another gifts of healing. . ; to another,  mighty deeds; to another prophecy; to another, discernment of spirits; to another, varieties of tongues; to another, interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit produces all of these, distributing them individually to each person as he wishes." -[ 1 Corinthians 12: 4-11].


In the little town where I grew up, there were two hair salons. The one where I had gone, since I was a tiny girl, ended up closing when the owner retired.  I decided to try the other salon.

When I got there for my appointment,  I sat in the stylist chair. I spent a lot of time threading the layers of my hair through my fingers, brushing it out, and giving explicit directions about how I wanted my hair to be cut. All that explanation did not matter. I ended up looking like all the other women who exited that salon. We all had the same haircut.

I found that odd. And somewhat creepy.

This Scripture in 1 Corinthians emphasizes that God created us all to be different. On purpose.  He did not create us all to be CEO's. Or for us all to have gifted musical abilities and end up becoming  multiple Grammy award winners.

Growing up, I was told that I would work in the financial sector. This is because my father did it, and my grandfather before him. I literally had no choice. I was told, "Major in this subject, go to this graduate school, work for the same company as your father, and work in such and so department." I was told, in no uncertain terms, that if I did not comply, tuition would be cut off, and I would be out on my own. What I felt?-- Fear.

As a dutiful daughter, I did as I was told. But, I started developing a serious depression by the time that I reached graduate school. Then I began my job after graduation. I would cry every Sunday night as the sun went down, because that meant I would be back on the job the next morning. The job that I hated.

So, I had to lead a double life. My work self-- who was assertive, regulation-bound, unemotional, always rational. Only outside of my work could I be myself. No wonder I was getting depressed and anxious. I also began to feel enormously guilty for being "unable" to be exactly like the successful business people in my family.

At the same time, I would wonder, 'Can my mother really tell ME who I am?' If she saw some trait or gift in me that she did not like, she would hiss at me, "I NEVER taught you that!!"  Was it in her purview to mold me, because she had given birth to me? OR, was it God all along who had created me, according to the gifts that had come from HIM?

But it was never "allowed" for me to understand that, perhaps, I was cut from a different cloth.
Once, when I proffered my hope that I might be different than my family, my mother sneered at me, "Yeah. Right!"

Once, at my job, a temporary employee arrived for a few months. I used to talk to her before the start of the day, or at lunch time. As she got to know me, she came to see that I am gentle, creative, spiritual, and soft-spoken. I am not the business type -- at all.  So, she turned to me and said, "What ARE you doing here?" I started to wonder, what was she seeing about me that I could not see? Was I losing my whole sense of self?

And if vast swathes of us are forced to pursue professions that are not our gift, we risk universal mediocrity. We stretch ourselves thin, trying to excel at something that is not our gift.

This is the cost of forcing everyone into the same mold. We end up with not only anxiety and depression, but something more. Our gifts come from the Spirit. When we suppress what comes from the Spirit, we manufacture two selves: our public persona; and our private self whom no one can see. We lose our soul.

Today, the American Dream is for everyone to go to college. The pressure to get there is enormous. If you don't go to college, you are considered a failure. The New York Times [April 25, 2014] reports that 65.9% of high school graduates go on to college.  We mourn that 40% of high school students are not cut out for college!

But, in 1900, half of all students did not achieve 8th grade. The percentage of high school graduates who went on to college in 1900 was 6.4%.

No, I am not advocating ignorance and lack of education. BUT, Steve Jobs did not complete college. My house painter, who makes more than I ever did, did not go to college.

Must we ALL be the same? Must we ALL drive the same cars, wear the same haircuts, the same clothes with the same designer logos, must we ALL go to college, must we ALL conform to someone else's mainstream-media worship of materialism?

In America today, if we are different, we are wrong.

I am certain that God did not create us as carbon copies of each other!  God gave us ALL our own gifts-- wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, etc. He gave us these for the benefit of our world.  He never intended for us to shrivel in the face of conformity, and thereby, become a shadow of our true selves.

"Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken." -- Oscar Wilde.

[Related Postings, "Burying My Talents", November  13, 2011; "Talents From God", November 19, 2014.]

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2016. All Rights Reserved.


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