The Martha Complex

 " Jesus entered a village, where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed Him. She had a sister named Mary, who sat beside the Lord at His feet, listening to Him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to Him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.'  The Lord said to her in reply, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.' " - [ Luke 10: 38-42.]


There really is a Martha in contemporary times today.  Her name is Martha Stewart. She executes flawlessly: her favorite word is "Perfect"; she cleans her home until it is spotless and shining; her iced cookies have not one smudge; her kitchen shelves are pristinely organized; even her domestic chickens are washed and fluffed to perfection.

I call this "domestic voyeurism", because I don't know of any woman on earth who can do all of this perfectly and still have not a hair out of place. When I watch Martha, it is with a bit of admiration mixed in with a lot of Guilt. Why cannot I be so very perfect and busy in all that I do? No wonder so many of us women go from admiration to guilt to envy to irritation when we hear her name? What one, mortal woman can do so much as she does? She has set an impossible standard.

Martha's secret is that she has a large staff that does all these things FOR her.  She does not really personally keep up the pace set forth in her monthly calendars, as published in her magazines.

My relief when I heard this was palpable.

It is very difficult today to shake off The Martha Complex, however. We ALL have it, mostly women, but men too. I think it has a lot to do with all the technology we have today.

It was believed, when all these machines and gizmos were invented, that humankind would be freed up from manual labor and drudgery. We relished the thought of what we would do with all our free time?

Instead, today we have become servants to the technology. Everything beeps at me now. The clothes dryer in the basement dings. My son calls out instantly: "Mommy!"  As if something dire will happen, if I don't respond right away. The coffeemaker beeps when the coffee has finished perking. The dishwasher pings incessantly when the wash cycle is over. My cell phone dings and pings if I have a new e-mail or a text.  Bosses contact employees at times way after hours, as if nothing can wait until morning. I call this "The Electronic Tether."

I make endless lists of things I must do, ought to do, should do. The trouble with To-Do lists is that they never end. Every time I cross one thing off the list, I need to write down five more To-Do items. Every time I have five extra minutes free, I ask my husband, 'What should I be doing NOW?' He always says to me, 'Can't you just sit down?!'

We measure our self-worth in Facebook friends and Likes; in Linked-In contacts; in Twitter feeds. Our day reads like a resume of accomplishments : Turn off alarm, make coffee, exercise, walk dog, make kids' lunches, check e-mail, texts, cell messages, voice mail, watch headlines on TV or on-line, search for car keys, put out outgoing mail. . . I am exhausted before I even leave the house.

We are losing what it means to be human. We have neither time nor place for the free exercise of emotions. It is go, go, go, execute flawlessly, move onto the next task, keep moving, and so forth. We worship at the altar of Science, Tech, Engineering, and Productivity.

Sooner or later, though, we crack -- either individually or as a society. In Biblical times, Martha was seen as extremely diligent but sort of foolish. Today, if I asked anyone who is the heroine in the story, I believe most of us would say Martha, NOT Mary. Undoubtedly, we would find Mary selfish and lazy.

I am pondering what this means as a society? I am finding that people today actually start to apologize for crying; or for laughing so hard that they have to stop what they are doing. Kids are so used to communicating electronically, that they are incapable of making a phone call, or sitting knee- to-knee, and having a personal conversation.

As Christians, we are being taught here to slow down. If we rush around in our busyness, we will miss a lot of very important things. Emotions. Tender moments. Deep personal connections. Even Jesus Himself.

I don't need to justify my day, moment by moment, to anyone. My life is not a resume or an agenda. I have people in my life who want to call and ask me, 'What did you do today?' -- Did they want me to say that today, I discovered a cure for a deadly disease? That I washed and fluffed the chickens to perfection? What I really want to say is, 'I did nothing. Nothing.'

Sitting. Meditating. Praying. Ruminating. Talking to God. Noticing the flowers or the birds or the rain or the butterflies.

This lure of busyness is an addiction. Start with sitting in a chair, doing nothing, other than maybe noticing your surroundings, talking to God, for 15 minutes a day. I don't know if you can do it for that long. I am not even sure that I CAN do it.

BUT, IF that is what it takes to go from a "Doing Christian", to a "Being Christian"  -- then you have to start somewhere!

[Related postings: "Are You Martha or Mary?", July 21, 2013; "Rest?! What is That?!", July 18, 2015.]

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