Sunday, April 7, 2019

Resurrection



"Now a man was ill, Lazarus, from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, saying, 'Master, the one you love is ill.'  Jesus said to His disciples, 'Let us go back to Judea.'  When Jesus arrived, He found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.
When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet Him.  Martha said to Jesus, 'Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now, I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give to You.'  Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise.' Martha said, 'I know He will rise, in the resurrection on the last day.' Jesus told her, 'I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live.' When Jesus saw her weeping, He became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said, 'Where have you laid him?'  They said to Him, 'Sir, come and see.' And Jesus wept. So Jesus, perturbed again, came to the tomb.  It was a cave, and a stone lay across it. Jesus said, 'Take away the stone.'  Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come out!' The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial bands. So Jesus said to them, 'Untie him and let him go.' " -[ John 11: 1-45].


At a very dark point in my life, I went to see the pastor of my church. In the last two years or so, my father had died abruptly (we didn't even know he was sick); then a long-time family friend died, someone the family referred to as "Aunt"; then my best friend died; then my father-in-law's beloved wife died; then my mother died.

I felt as if I were swirling in a black hole, descending, falling down, down, down. Yes, you could say it was as if I were in a cave.

I found myself telling my life story to my pastor:

* When I was born, I almost died before I made it out of the womb. My mother nearly died in childbirth. BUT, the doctor's hands saved me.
* When I was about three, there was a fire in my grandparents' house. I was traumatized to see the charred walls and smell the acrid smoke in the air. BUT, no one was home at the time, and no one was injured. Damage was limited to one corner of one room.
* When I was four, I nearly drowned in a neighbor's pool. BUT strong arms lifted me up, to life-giving air. It was my mother who saved me.
* When I was five, the serious dysfunction of my parents meant they were not feeding me consistently. BUT, neighbors fed me and I did not starve.
*When I was six, I was diagnosed with a chronic lung disease. My mother's chain smoking worsened the scarring on my lungs. By the time I reached age 14, my parents were no longer taking me to the doctor for this disease. BUT several years ago, I found a devoted doctor, who even made house calls. His treatments put me back on a path to better health.
* When I was ten, my beloved grandfather died. After that blow, and years of abuse in my childhood home, I stopped speaking. My pastor said, You speak eloquently now.
* When I was in my twenties, I was the victim of a violent crime and nearly died at the hands of my attacker. As I felt my breath slip away, I prayed to God. The attacker loosed his grip on me and left. I lived.
* When I was in my early 40's, I was bringing my son home from the park, pulling him in his bright red wagon. I hesitated at the corner nearest our house, the wind was beginning to howl. I heard a "voice" say, "Cross here". . in other words, do not continue on straight, but cross the road, now. I was confused. I said to my son, "What did you say?" But he had said nothing. A tree fell across the road and I pulled the wagon at top speed. The tree fell only a few yards short of us. My son and I did not have one scratch. I believe that voice was my Guardian Angel.
*And now, I had lost many of the most important people in my life.

After I had recounted all this, my pastor turned and said to me, "You have had a lot of resurrection in your Life."

I was stunned. I had seen only trauma, terror and loss. I had never even seen the resurrection!

There are people today who say, 'Get over it. That is in the past. You cannot be defined by all the bad things that happened in your past.'

My answer to this is, even Jesus wept. He grieved along with Mary and Martha. He deeply felt the poignancy. Even WITH the possibility of resurrection in the next Life, it hurts. Jesus allowed himself to feel pain. He did not deny the raw emotion. The tears conveyed His humanity, his compassion.

Even when our resurrection comes, we remain in "the cave" for a time, scarcely believing that our resurrection has come. Just as Jesus has to beckon Lazarus out of the dark cave, Jesus has to cry out to us in a loud voice, "Come out!"

But what I also see is that we can be permitted our resurrection, not just in the next Life, but in this one. We don't have to stumble around in the dark, half blind, to find the Light, either. We are not alone. Jesus beckons. He exhorts us, He leads the way.

At the darkest of times, we can believe that somehow, with Jesus' help, we can overcome.

In fact, if we believe only in the individual, human effort to help ourselves, we vastly diminish the possibilities of resurrection. We don't need to rise up again, alone, and we ought not to. It is a haunting pride, as humans, to believe that we can raise ourselves up again, solely by our own efforts. As Thomas Merton says, in "The Seven Storey Mountain", "How could I love God, when everything I did was not done for Him, but for myself, and not trusting in His aid, but relying on my own wisdom and talents?"

And then, if we do rely upon God and Jesus for our resurrection, we see "the Lord [who] opens a way in the seas and a path in mighty waters, who leads out chariots and horsemen, a powerful army. Remember not the events of the past, see I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? " -[Isaiah 43: 16-21].

[Related Postings: "Fear", 4/4/16; "Raising Lazarus", 4/3/17."]

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2019. All Rights Reserved.












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