Not of This World

Before His death and Resurrection, Jesus prayed to God on behalf of  His disciples: " [Lord], I gave [the disciples] the words You gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from You, and they believed that You sent me. I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours. All I have is Yours, and all You have is mine. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, protect them by the power of Your name. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction. I have given them Your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of this world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that You take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. Consecrate them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." [John 17: 8-19].

My life has followed the trajectory of this Scripture.

In my dysfunctional family, my relationships with my father, my mother and my sibling(s) were fractured. I always felt deep inside that I did not belong to them. I was not treated with enough gentleness and mercy and compassion to belong to this clan. So, who DID I belong to?

The children in the neighborhood would be kind enough one moment, then bully me the next. I could not trust them enough to call them "friend". My grandparents were gone by the time I was 14. Relatives in the extended family lived far away. The blinds and curtains in my house were always shut. I was told, "Everything that happens in this house remains in these four walls." Neighbors had no idea what was going on.

I did not dare to declare the truth. Sometimes, I was not even sure what the truth was.

I concluded that I belonged to no one in this world. I slowly began to shut down. I spent most of my day hiding in my room. I took a vow of silence when I was ten. This was as much about giving up on humanity, as it was about giving up on myself-- and the power of my words. I had trouble sleeping. I stayed up until everyone was asleep, until I felt safe enough to drift off. I refused to eat certain foods and was offered nothing else to eat. I began to fear long-term hunger. My chronic lung disease reared its ugly head and sometimes I had trouble breathing.

Then, when I was 13, my mother and grandmother told me the story of how I was born: My mother almost died in childbirth. As the doctors rushed her into emergency surgery, she heard them say, "Get the baby!" I was at risk of dying too, before I was even born. After knowing the truth about my birth, my life changed completely.

Now, in that moment of hearing my story, I knew I came from God. Suddenly, I belonged to Someone. I belonged to God. Hearing this story, I lifted my head up and looked heavenward. It was as if I "heard" something that no one else in the world believed about me. I heard my value, my preciousness, if not to anyone in my world, at least to God. He made me. He sent me into the world, He went to considerable trouble to make sure I was born. He sent me here for some purpose.

I believed that God sent me here. My life was no longer meaningless and accidental. In the environment of deprivation in which I grew up, I saw that everything I had came, not from humans, but from God.

We stopped going to church when I was 14. I would ask to go, and my mother would say, "We don't go to church. We already did that."  If my mother spoke of the power of the Almighty Dollar, I would whisper to myself, "You mean, Almighty God." If I dared to make God's Word audible, my family would make clear that they hated that. They would mock my generosity ("You take care of yourself first!"). They would tell me that church was a waste. Yes, Jesus said, " I gave them Your Word and the world has hated them [for it.].

All I ever wanted was Love. If no one could give me Love, then I would give Love to the world. I decided that I'd better get busy. I begged my grandmother to buy me a sewing machine. I volunteered to do all the family's sewing and mending. I tended my mother's garden, weeding and bringing beautiful flowers inside. My life became about Love.  At the time, I did not fully comprehend that this boundless Love came from God. I think that I was merely a child who wanted Love, and who was open enough to God to live in Love, despite my environment.


This longing for Love is really a longing for God. I know that now. He has protected me. He cannot, and will not, take me out of this world before my time. But He can protect me from evil. He saved me and brought me into this world. He protected me when I almost died in a violent crime. I prayed to God, and unaccountably, the man stopped attacking me-- and I lived. A few years ago, a huge tree came close to crashing down on me. I had my young son with me in a wagon. I pulled the wagon as hard as I could and I ran for my life. The tree fell only a few feet from us, tangled in live electrical wires.

I can neutralize all the ugliness in my life only by loving truly. This is what Jesus says about his disciples: "Consecrate them by the truth; your word is truth." To consecrate is to dedicate oneself to His Truth, and to Love, which come from God. When we ask God to consecrate us, we ask Him to make us Holy, to set us apart in the world for His purpose, and not for the agendas of the world.

If we do ask for God to consecrate us, then we must go out and speak the Truth. About 18 months ago, I decided to end my silence about my life. The Truth needs to be told. The Truth is about how Love is the ultimate Conqueror. No matter what anyone does to me or says about me, I will still Love. The Truth is Love. And God is Love.

I dedicate myself to Truth. I dedicate myself to Love. I dedicate my life to God. All God has is mine. All I have is God's.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.