I Died to the Law

"Brothers and sisters, we know that a person is not justified by the law, but through faith in Jesus Christ. . . . we have believed in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law. Because by works of the law, no one will be justified. For through the law, I died to the law, that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ; yet, I live, no longer, but Christ lives in me. I live by faith in the Son of God, who has loved me and given Himself up for me. If justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing." [ Galatians 2: 16, 19-21].

I grew up under "House Rule". The Rules were man-made and were severely imposed by my parents.

My father hated everyone. It scared me as a child to witness so much anger in one man. He had harsh names for all ethnic groups, names I would not repeat here, because they still hurt my feelings so. His hate was so big, I wondered if he hated me? I wondered if it was all because he actually hated himself? Maybe he even hated God.

I watched this all unfolding in front of me. And I died to Hate. Hate is a human thing. God is Love. I vowed to love everyone. Even if I got in trouble for it.

My mother hoarded money. She worshipped it. She told me to "praise the Almighty Dollar." Then, she used money against me. She bought me new dresses and tried to force me to wear them. I kept wearing the old dresses, sometimes the same old dress, day after day, with the soft green cotton folds and the faded velvet sash. She tried to force me to go to a certain school, to marry wealthy, to wear my hair the upper class way. She was trying to turn me into a shiny bauble, with a deep emptiness inside.

I watched her use money as a weapon against me. And I died to Wealth. I made Wealth irrelevant to my life. God loves who I am inside. He does not care what shiny things I decorate myself with, or how I wave my fancy possessions at others. I have been poor. I have had money. God never changes.

My mother tried to dictate to me what my gifts were. She told me who I was and what I was to become when I grew up. She told me where to go to high school and college, what to study, where to go to graduate school, what company to work for, what department to work in, what career suits to buy, what colors to wear. She had my life all planned out, according to her own ambition. She seemed to confuse me with herself. I thought maybe she was trying to mold me, to play God with me.

I watched her becoming increasingly shrill and coercive, as she tried to bend me to her will. And I died to Power and Ambition.  These are what humans want for you. But God knows who you really are. He sees your gifts, He sends the call or the intervention, that ensures your gifts are used in the places where HE needs you.

I was called ugly every day by a sibling, in infinite detail. I would get angry and cry. My mother said, "You are so angry. Don't be.You are too sensitive." She was blaming me for the verbal abuse. I thought she meant that I was too sensitive about being so ugly. I would study myself in the mirror, and my image would morph from beautiful, to ugly, to beautiful again. And if I WAS pretty, would that gain me even more dangerous attention? I did not really know who or what I was.

I had to stop obsessing about my appearance. And so I died to Pride and Ego. My looks could not save me. The only place I look now is within a person's eyes. The eyes are the windows to the Soul. There, I can see the God in you. 

When I was 14, my parents took church away. I took my Faith underground. I cut it into tiny pieces,  just to save a bit of it for myself. They had taken just about everything else away that belonged to me. My Faith they could not have.

St. Paul says in Galatians 2, "Through [their] Law, I died to the Law. I have been crucified with Christ. But Christ lives in me. I live by Faith in the Son of God." I threw away the House Rules. Gradually, I began to live by Faith.

In Galatians 1, St. Paul says, " I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel preached by me is not of human origin. For I did not receive it from a human being, nor was I taught it, but it came through a revelation of Jesus Christ. For you heard of my former way of life. . . But God, from my mother's womb, set me apart and called me through His grace, and was pleased to reveal His Son to me. "

I lived through some stark choices every day as a child. I was living under the Law; and my body, heart and soul were dying under human Law. I thank God every day that I was shown a better Way. I thank God that I was open to His Way. Because the Law is the way of Death. But God's Way-- of Love-- is the Way to Life.

Today, I see the God in everyone. I hope that you look inside me, and see the God inside me, too.


[Related Posting, "Stored Up Treasure", September 30, 2012].

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