The Forgotten Father

Sunday, June 15, 2014 is Father's Day


I think back in time to the days when my mother told me about when she was hoping to get married. Her own mother had given her advice about the best kind of man to marry.

The future husband needed to be a good provider. In other words, he needed to earn a big salary; and to be healthy, so that he could provide for a family for many, many years.

When I graduated from school and was old enough to marry, my  mother gave me the same advice. I was supposed to marry someone who was healthy as a horse. I was supposed to marry someone with many accomplishments, an educated man who could earn a big salary.

I always thought that what my mother was telling me was that I was to marry a "Resume".  In other words, I was supposed to marry a man based on what he had done and what he could do. I was not supposed to marry a man based on who he WAS. And, God forbid that I wished to marry for Love!

These days, women are educated. They establish careers before marrying. They do not always need to marry a "Resume". Women can support themselves.

And so, what do women even need a man for?

Historically, they have always needed a man in order to produce children. But, with the advent of advanced reproduction, women do not even need to marry a man, in order to have children. A woman can simply sign up for in vitro fertilization. All that she needs is the DNA itself, and not the man.

On this Father's Day, then, how do we define Fatherhood? Or, have we forgotten what a Father is?

I remember that the 1950's were the "Father Knows Best" culture. No longer. Today, in sitcoms and on television commercials, the dad is portrayed as a hapless buffoon. Face it, if women were portrayed as so foolish and helpless in television advertising, women would be furious about this stereotyping. (And rightly so!)

Whipping up a frenzy of anti-male bigotry is no answer to centuries of mysogny.

So, what I am looking for is the model of a fully-realized father. We used to place every honor upon the father as wage-earner, to the detriment of his other human qualities. Then, we came full circle, and reduced fathers to mere DNA donors.

You know what? God made man to be fully human. Men are fathers, they are wage earners. -- yes. But they are also emotional creatures with gifts, integrity, a sense of fun, an intellect, frailties and faults, Faith and gentleness, strengths and quirks.

This Father's Day, get to really know your dad as the wonderfully human, complex, three dimensional creature that he is.

Knowing your father from the inside is a great gift, one that you will carry with you for all of your days.

[ Related Posting: " Father's Day", June 15, 2011;  "Celebrating Fatherhood", June 16, 2012.]

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