The Victim Soul

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, as He chose us before Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and without blemish before Him. In Love, He destined us for adoption to Himself through Jesus Christ, in accord with the favor of His will.  . . . In all wisdom and insight, He has made known to us the mystery of His will in accord with His favor that He set forth in Him as a plan for the fullness of times, to sum up all things in Christ, in heaven and on earth. In Him, we were also chosen, destined in accord with the purpose of the One who accomplishes all things according to the intention of His will, so that we might exist for the praise of His glory, who first hoped in Christ. In Him, you also have heard the word of Truth, the gospel of your salvation, and have believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, which is the first installment of our inheritance toward redemption as God's possession. " --[Ephesians 1:3-14].


The Letter to Ephesians is attributed to St. Paul. To read St. Paul is to get lost in a long series of dependent clauses, reading on and on, wondering where the verb is? And yet, to parse his writing, we face the promise of remarkable fruit.

St. Paul was not among the original Apostles, a fact that both pained him, and set him apart as special. Yes, he did not know the Living Jesus, but this seeming "loss" gave him the amazing opportunity to encounter the Risen Christ.

St. Paul is well-known for his trials as an early Christian. He says, in 2 Corinthians 11:23- 27, "Are [others] ministers of Christ? -- I am a better one: with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless floggings, and often near death. Five times I have received forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once, I received a stoning. Three times I was shipwrecked; for a night and a day, I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from bandits, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers and sisters; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, hungry and thirsty, often without food, cold and naked."

St. Paul almost seems to be boasting here! And yet, St. Paul says, "Who is weak, and I am not weak? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." -[2 Corinthians 29-30].

St. Paul's life reminds me somewhat of my own life: Coming into this world, my mother went into distress during labor. I was almost not born at all. My mother almost died. When I was two, I figured out that parental "help" was actually anger in disguise; so I taught myself how to use the potty. When I was three, there was a fire in my grandparents'  house. When I was four, I almost drowned in a neighbor's pool. By the time I was six, there were floods in the basement of my parents' home; I was told to get my galoshes on and help bail the dirty water into the sink. But the water kept flowing back inside, just as fast as I bailed. When I was seven, I was diagnosed with a chronic lung disease. I would spend weeks in bed.

My brother used to bully me, calling me ugly every day and booby-trapping my room. I was told that I was "too sensitive." By the time I was eight, I stopped showing emotion. By the time I was ten, I stopped speaking. At dinner time, if I could not stomach the food, my father would tell my mother, 'Do NOT feed her.' I learned to stop eating. In the summer of the year I turned ten, my beloved grandfather died. He was the only one who protected me. Many nights after that, my mother would find me, sleep-walking, all too close to the steep stairwell.

By the time I was eleven, I was staying up until after everyone was asleep. I would keep watch, until it was safe to drift off. At age 12 or 13, I was told, on the hottest, steamiest nights of the year, that it was "not hot". My parents had a big fan in their room, and my brother had an air conditioner. I sweated and tossed in my bed until the air cooled off around 3 a.m.  I was exhausted. When I was 13, my father tried to take me away from my mother. I thought, 'He is kidnapping me.'

As a young girl, I would go to school with black eyes. In those days, if  I told my mother that I was cold, she would say, "Stop acting up."  To keep the peace around the house, I would do all the sewing and mending, and weed my mother's garden.

When I went away to university, I was the victim of a violent crime; even though I almost died that day, my parents told me I would be a failure if I came home. I married a Catholic; my parents refused to stand in the receiving line at my wedding. I have had trees suddenly come down in my path, but somehow I have always miraculously escaped death.

Like St. Paul, I went hungry, I went cold, I was given black eyes, I toiled in the dirt, I faced death more times than I can count. I faced fire, flood, near drowning, violent assault. I have faced the death of both my parents -(love unfulfilled?)- the death of my in-laws, and the death of my best girlfriend.

And yet, I am more determined than ever to keep my Faith and to believe in God. Am I crazy? St. Paul Himself said that others thought him a fool. -[2 Cor. 11: 16-17].

 I was telling my story to a priest several years ago. I said, "Everyone has tough times in life." He said, "Yes. But you have had more than most."  He asked me, "Where is your anger?" I said, "I didn't deserve all of that, but I accept it. All of it just WAS. I absorbed all the Hate." [My husband said that if he had absorbed all of that Hate, he would be dead by now.] The priest said, "Maybe there is more going on with you than meets the eye."

A few months ago, in Bible Study, I was talking about accepting the trials of life. I said to the study group, that if I had to go through all that I did, I might as well do it for God.

Then, a couple of months ago, the deacon who taught my Biblical School class spoke of the "Victim Soul".  I have researched this and found -- "A victim soul is an individual who has been chosen by God to undergo physical and sometimes spiritual suffering beyond that of normal human experience. The victim soul willingly accepts this unique and difficult mission of offering up her pain for the salvation of others." - [Gerald Korson, Catholic journalist.]

I have often described myself as the "Human Battleground", in the war occurring in my family. The Victim Soul is often described as a battleground between good and evil.

I speak in this space of what has been heaped upon me in this life, not to condemn those who have hurt me, but to confess their weaknesses, and to attempt to save others from the same heavy errors. A victim soul suffers in this life, in order to convert souls to the arms of God. I teach that your path is clear: implode, explode, or find God.  In "Mystics of the Church' it is said, "The battle with the demons is not a hidden one but it is in fact open warfare. And this open battle is permitted by God to manifest to everyone the reality of both the devil and Hell, which unfortunately many today try to disclaim the existence of."

I have been told by others that, in knowing my story, that they find it easier to bear their own trials. That would make me a "Co-Redeemer with Christ."

But are we not all "Co-Redeemers with Christ"? Pope John Paul II said, "Every man has his own share in the Redemption. Each one is called to share in that suffering through which the Redemption is accomplished."

And so, the true meaning of Ephesians 1 is revealed: God has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens. He chose us in Him. In Love, He destined us for adoption to Himself through Jesus Christ. In all wisdom and insight, God has made known to us the mystery of His will, in accord with His favor.

We have all been called to live through, and with, and in Jesus Christ. We share in His redemption, and His Resurrection unto God in the heavens. But we also share in Jesus' suffering. And if we do suffer, we do it for God, we become ever more close to Jesus.

[Related Postings: "Blaming God", June 28, 2015; "Recipe For a Saint", Nov. 11, 2013]

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