Ask

"And I tell you, 'Ask and you shall receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If then, you who are wicked (sinful, disobedient), know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in Heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?' " -- [Luke 11; 1-13].

I grew up in a cruel household. The pantry was full, but I was given inedible food to eat. By the time I was five, I awakened each morning, worried about who would give me food to eat, since it was not -- apparently -- going to come from my parents. If I fell and cried, I was told, 'Stop crying. You are not hurt.'  When a sibling taunted me and told me --daily -- how ugly I was, the adult's response was NOT, "That's not true! You are adorable!" I was told, "You are too sensitive."

A Wise Woman in my life these days tells me, that I was the little girl who thought she did not matter.

I told her, 'No. I was the little girl who gave up. On everyone.'

I gave up on the capacity of the adults in my life to nurture me, to pick me up when I fell down, to feed me, to be sure that I felt safe and loved.

Instead, I took care of myself. By age Five, I believed it was my own responsibility to find food to eat, to get enough sleep, to keep myself safe at night in my bed. I told my kindergarten teacher,  "I do NOT need my mother!" By age eight, I stopped feeling emotions. By age Ten, I stopped speaking.

My grandmother, before she died, had taught me how to pray. She taught me the "Our Father".  These words did not resonate with meaning for me. They were "Magic Words" to say, to pay tribute to Someone Impressive called God.  I felt virtuous in reciting them, but what did the words even mean? --"Our Father, who ART in Heaven. . ."-- who in the world WAS "ART"?

Eventually, when I met my Christian husband, I learned how to pray in a more spontaneous, personal way. But, it never occurred to me to ask God for anything for myself. I believed at the time that it was "more holy", more sacrificial, to pray for OTHERS. So, I would anxiously ask my husband if he ever prayed for ME. This is how I thought it worked, we all just prayed for each other. . . And so, if someone forgot to pray for ME, I guessed I was just out of luck.

But then, I wondered how in the world my anxious thoughts -- 'How and where am I going to find a reliable car to buy?';   'Will we EVER become parents?' -- etc., became things that actually came to BE? I guess I thought I was just "lucky". --My way of seeing was -- "Yeah, we found the perfect house. I guess we just lucked out. Big time."

And, for so many years, I felt so terribly guilty about asking for anything for myself. Besides, God can read minds, can't He? A thought, a worry, an emotion, a fleeting thought, can instantly be read by Him as a Prayer. We don't even need to tell Him anything. Doesn't He know it all, already?

What I am finally coming to realize, though, is that God simply wants to hear from us!

We are all children of God, aren't we? What if your son or daughter were grown, and out of the house? What if they had a tough time now and again --perhaps being a little short on funds before the next pay check, or getting into a little fender-bende- type car accident. Even IF they figured it all out by themselves, wouldn't you want your child to check in with you? To tell you what happened, and how they felt about it all? To seek some reassurance? To feel nestled in your Love?

At the same time, this Scripture teaches me that, IF we are created in God's image, then we need to seek each other out, listen and be receptive to each others' needs.

The story of the child who requests a fish, but receives a snake, reminds me of a dear friend. Her family asked what she needed? She asked her family for a new microwave. She was given, over successive gift-giving occasions, anything BUT.  . . She was given a TV, an electric blanket, a make-up mirror, a camera.

Just as God always listens to US, and is receptive to our needs, we at least owe this to our friends, neighbors, relatives. Sometimes, when a friend is crying, we don't need to give her a meal, a gift certificate, a sweater, a plant, a balloon, a candle, a referral to a professional, or tickets to a concert. We need to give her simply a Kleenex and a hug. Oh, and our Love.

That totally right-on, appropriate, fitting, apt response is as close to God as you can get! THAT divine, cosmic, spirit-filled, loving reaction IS the God in all of us!

[Related Posting: " The Persistent Widow", Oct. 20, 2013.]

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