The Lure of Anger

"Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the Sinner hugs them tight. . . Forgive your neighbor's injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven. Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the Lord? Could anyone refuse Mercy to another like himself, can he seek pardon for his own sins? If one who is but flesh cherishes wrath, who will forgive his sins? Remember your last days. . . Think of the Commandments, hate not your neighbor." --[Sirach 27: 30- 28:7].


After my father died abruptly one spring morning, and then my best friend died about a year later, then my mother-in-law died less than a year after that, then my own mother died only a month after that -- well, my world turned upside down.

What my family had told me was the Truth turned out to be all Lies. What others had been telling me  was the Truth, my family had always told me were Lies.

I ran to my Pastor in a panic. I told him, "Everything has gone upside down. I need to get closer to God, NOW. Only, I don't know how."

He told me to go sit in the stillness of the Chapel, before the Tabernacle, and to meditate. I said, "I don't have time." But, I realized that I was racing to and fro, but accomplishing little.

My pastor told me, "Please. You need this. Sitting and reflecting are not a waste of time. Stop being a 'Type-A personality', and sit quietly. Talk to God."

I began the practice of meditating in the Chapel daily. What came out was horrifying. . .  abuse by my family. A trauma just about every year of my life --  A fire in my grandparents' house when I was three; my near-drowning when I was four.  On and on, the memories came flooding back. Going to school with black eyes, not being fed, not being taken to the doctor. It was like a tide which I could not control.

I went back to my pastor. I started to tell him what had gone on. Even a priest practiced in difficult conversations is very capable of cringing.

Once, he interrupted me and asked, "But? -- Where is the anger?"

I said, " I gave up on anger a long time ago. I did not have time for anger, I was trying to survive."

"And now?, he asked. I said, "Anger is like a huge truck stuck in the mud. You gun the engine and the noise is deafening and you feel very powerful at the moment. But you are digging yourself in deeper and deeper. You are making it inevitable that you will never get out of the jungle. It traps you, and you never move forward."

The pastor had taught me to pray the Serenity Prayer.  I told him, "I accept what happened to me. That is, all that happened is FACT. I don't like it. I never deserved it. But it just IS."

We talked about Forgiveness. I began to understand that Forgiveness does NOT mean that the other person did nothing wrong. When a person asks for Forgiveness, he has to acknowledge his Sin first.

Forgiveness also does not mean that you have to keep going back for more abuse. The Bible never asks you to leave your brains out of the equation. In fact, we MUST remember the terrible things done to us, so we can protect ourselves from further harm.

Forgiveness DOES mean letting go of the hate and anger that would prevent us from moving on and working on our healing. If anger and hate rule our lives, then quite simply,  Evil is allowed to live on in us for the rest of our days.  And who wants Evil to retain its ugly grip on us?-- "Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the Lord?"

If you live in anger and Hate, you might push everyone away, even those loving people who are trying to help you.

If you remain in anger and Hate, you may be so blinded by intense fury, that you will never be able to help anyone else who has gone through something similar.

And so, I live every day, "taking as Jesus did, this Sinful world as it is, not as I would have it."

[Related Postings: "The Victim Soul", 7/11/15; "Hate = Murder", 2/7/11; "Anger in the Temple", 3/10/12; "Love is . . . Forgiveness", 2/29/12.]

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