Giving My All

"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, was led by the Spirit in the desert, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil." [Luke 4: 13].

It is Lent; and during Lent, we fast, we pray and we give to the poor.

I have written before about prayer life during Lent. ["Pray", April 5, 2011; "Transfiguration of Christ", March 5, 2012, about meditational prayer]. We pray more deeply, more often during Lent. This comes from the Scripture in Luke 4, in which the devil shows Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and tells Jesus, "If you worship me, it will be all yours." But we are not to worship Sin. Jesus says, "Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only."

During Lent, we are also to give to the poor. In Luke 4:9, the devil leads Jesus to Jerusalem, to the highest point of the temple. The devil challenges Jesus: "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, 'He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you carefully, they will lift you up in their hands. . .' ".

In these passages, I see the temptation of unbridled power. Who are WE to worship all the kingdoms of Earth, essentially bowing down to the pinnacles of human power, over the Power of God?  Who are WE to behave recklessly, then command God to save us? How do we, as humans, believe it is right to try to manipulate God that way? Do we think we are in charge of God?

In my family of origin, I never had any power. You would think that as the baby and the daugher in the family, that I would have been precious to them, coddled and catered to. No. I used to compare myself to a "hood ornament" on a car, I was that irrevelant! If I had Power, even today, I am so unused to it, I would not know what to do with it.

Instead, I decided to make Humility a virtue. I have written before about the power of giving. In my young life, I lost so much : I had no loving mother, no gentle father, no protective brother, no consistent serving of meals or medical care, no hugs and statements of love,  no ecouragement of my gifts, no nourishing of any faith in God. My mantra became , "The more I lose, the more I give." [Related Post, "Give ", April 12, 2011].

I have been thinking about Giving lately, during this season of Lent. I realize that my other mantra is, "There is no limit on generosity."

People say that I am the most loving, generous person they know. Is that so?

I used to think that I was so very generous. The danger is, there is a kind of pride that comes with that. This is the danger of giving. I want my giving to be humble, not ostentatious. I want my giving to be about emptying myself of my sin and greed and self-absorption.

 Generosity, I have learned, is not about giving away what you already do not need. Giving away what you do not want is a little bit like the child who hates broccoli and decides to give it up during Lent. That is no sacrifice!

Why do we need to sacrifice anyway? There is something in me that wants to keep things for myself, or to give only those things that I will not miss. How we want this giving thing to be easy!

But there is a very good reason to give to others. There is a discipline in giving to others. Giving is what tempers our pride in ourselves. I need to remembr who is in charge. NOT me, thinking I am so great with my material things. Do you know someone who treasures their fancy car, their designer clothes, their gourmet foods, their household help, their professionally landscaped gardens?

I need to keep bringing myself down a notch. All these fancy things, that we are tempted to define ourselves with, can go away in a nanosecond. If I lost everything I owned, then what amI left with? My sorry self.

It is not my works that should define me, either. I have written before about how our works do not save us. [Saved by Faith, March 17, 2012] How many folks have lost jobs lately, and found themselve staring in the mirror, suddenly believing that they have become Nothing. They were defined by their business suit, by their title, by their power on the job . When that is stripped away, what is left?

No. I want to be defined by my Love. Not love for myself. Not love for material tjnigs. Not love of power. No. Love for others, even for those who have a lot less than I do. Love, even for those who are difficult to love.

And so, I give. I think I give generously. I thought I was  generous, until I met my best girlfriend. She was diagnosed with a terminal illness. So many of her friends and neighbors helped her! Suddenly, I was placed in charge of coordinating the offers of help for my friend. I became overwhelmed in this crisis mode. Pretty soon, I needed help too-- picking my son up from school, making dinner. My friend, so seriously ill, sent over some food that a family member had given to HER. She shared what little she had, that SHE needed to feed her family, so I did not have to cook. THAT is the ultimate in generosity!

This reminds me of the story that my mother-in-law told of her days as a teacher. There was a food drive every year around Thanksgiving. The children of wealthy families gave meagerly:  maybe one tiny can of corn or beans. The children of  poor families gave generously: giant cans of fuit and vegetables, so much that the little children could barely carry it all.

I have lost so much. I know what it feels like to be scared and needy.  When I give, I want to give a true sacrifice. Like the widow giving her last mite [ Mark 12: 41 ]. Giving a true sacrifice is Love. Giving a tiny bit, that one won't miss-- is an insult. It insults the recipient. I think it also hurts God's feelings. We are all His children. We are to love one another deeply ,and give to one another, deeply. This is who I want to be!

I pray that I may I never limit my giving. To limit generosity is to limit Love. Just as God's love is limitless, may I emulate His love toward His children, and give freely from the heart.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.