Monday, February 10, 2014

A Light In The Darkness


" Thus says The Lord:   'Share your bread with the hungry, shelter the homeless; clothe the naked when you see them, and do not turn your back on your own. Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your wound shall quickly be healed; your vindication shall go before you, and the glory of The Lord shall be your rear guard. Then, you shall call and The Lord shall answer, you shall cry for help, and He will say: Here I am! If you remove from your midst oppression, false accusation and malicious speech; if you bestow your bread on the hungry and satisfy the afflicted; then the light shall rise for you in the darkness, and the gloom shall become for you like midday.' " [Isaiah 58: 7-10].

 I grew up in a household at War.

My parents spoke to each other only superficially, saying, ' Oh, we are out of bread.'  Or, ' The price of gasoline has gone up.' Or, ' Is it too hot to garden today?'

They spoke endlessly about the process of living. But they never could plumb the depths of that beautiful quality of life that can come only from the heart.

It was a marriage devoid of emotion and soul.

Perhaps my mother felt as if she were in free fall. She kept lashing out, desperately trying to find the ceiling, floor and walls of her marriage. But she found only Nothing.

Her Rules became ever more onerous. She called butter "cholesterol". She would serve only green beans with chicken, and only peas with hamburg. The only colors I was allowed to wear were red and blue; these were her Power Colors.

Her desperate grab for the arms of Love devolved into a series of  unattainable dictates. She became a despot, bent on destroying us with her oppression.

Oppression slowly became false accusation. My brother began his search for Love, by trying to distinguish himself as more lovable. This he did by denigrating me, in order to elevate himself. Whenever he called me ugly, specifying all my physical faults in endless detail,  my mother would not tell him to stop.  She would tell me that  I was too sensitive. And so, it came to pass that my mother and my brother conspired to heap false accusations and malicious speech upon me.

Instead of defending me,  my mother would shoot back at me, " You think YOU are so perfect !"

I wilted in this hateful, oppressive environment.

My father, angry at his non-marriage, would work long hours; travel a lot for work; or come home and drink away his despair. OR he would take his anger and misplaced emotional needs out on me.

By the age of ten, I had stopped speaking. By the age of 13, I was saving every dollar I could from babysitting jobs, to get out of there.

In the meantime, how does one survive?

I did  not know God. My parents stopped taking me to church after my First Communion. Besides, they did not believe in all that " God stuff".

 I decided to fight back,  not with power--  because I had none--   but out of Love. Out of the Love that God bestows upon a Child's heart, I fought back.

My mother would dictate whether I was cold or not, and refused me the key to the house so I could fetch a sweater.  In response, I knitted her a wool vest. I knitted my brother a sweater.

My father would become irate when I ate, because I was so slow and peckish. He told my mother, when I stopped eating my meal, ' Do NOT feed her!'  The next day, I would busy myself baking cookies.

My brother would hit me and steal things from my room. I helped him with his homework.

I was getting black eyes. My mother would tell me, 'Stop getting black eyes'; without ever bothering to find out why I looked like that. I brought flowers into my room from my mother's garden - which I tended. I filled vases with God's beautiful, fragrant bouquets, to banish the ugliness in that house.

Make no mistake, I escaped that House of Pain, as soon as I could. But I never did turn my back on my own, even though, time and time again, they failed me.

No --- while there, I shone my Love out to the world, every chance I could. My vindication was that I was so very unlike the others in my family. Justice did not mean to me becoming as hateful as they were.

' [My] light broke forth quickly like the dawn. My wounds were quickly healed. The Lord was my rear guard.  [He had my back]. I removed from my midst, [ nullified, vanquished], oppression, false accusation and malicious speech. My light rose from the darkness and my gloom became as midday'. [ Isaiah 58].

But, unbelievably, when I I left home to move away, I found myself in a touch -and -go, life and death situation. I called upon God,  I cried for help. And The Lord saved me. He answered me, " Here I am!"

" Jesus said to His disciples: ' You are the Light of the world. A city on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a basket; it is set on a lamp-stand, where it gives light to the whole house.  Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify [ praise, honor] your Heavenly Father." [ Matthew 5: 13-16].

My response to the darkness was to shine my Light brightly. My response to hate was to bestow Love.

Pouring Hate upon Hate only escalates the matter, until all parties suffer a nuclear explosion. Sometimes, angry people boast of "going nuclear". But only those who love back, fiercely, possess a greater Strength.

Here is my vow:  All the darkness in the Universe cannot intimidate me into extinguishing my Light. I will only dare to shine a brighter and more brilliant Light. And then, my Light will vanquish the darkness.

That is the Way. That is the Truth.  That is the Life. That is the Light unto the world.

[ "Throw Off The Darkness", December 2, 2013; " The Light of the World", February 1, 2011.]

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2014. All Rights reserved.











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