Divided In Love

"Brothers and sisters: I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.  But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided.  An unmarried woman . . is anxious about the things of the Lord. . A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint on you, but for the sake . . of adherence to the Lord without distraction." - [1 Corinthians 7: 32-35].


People who know little about Christians and Christianity think, perhaps, that we Christians just sit around all day praying, waiting for the Lord to give us all that we need in life -- that somehow we Christians simply pray, and bountiful food, sufficient money, trustworthy friends, a beautiful house and healthy children simply fall into our laps.

I wish . . .

The reality is, we go to work at our jobs, just like everyone else. We fret over our kids passing Algebra II. We worry over worldly things such as whether we have enough money at the end of the month when the bills come due.

And yet, in this Scripture, Paul says that he "should like you to be free of anxieties."

As I try to lead my life as a Christian, I am divided.

This internal division is about a lot more than the human effort that it takes for me to be patient after a long, trying day; for me to live with joy even as I wash the same clothes and dust the same furniture  each week.

This internal division, for me, is how to "live for the Lord."

Many years ago, a dear friend called me with very sad news. She had been diagnosed with a devastating disease. She asked me to help her manage some everyday things for her family since she would be out of commission for quite some time.

Instantly, I said yes. But the reality was that I have my own family. I began to juggle furiously, devoting myself to her and her family during the day when my son was at school and my husband was at work; then frantically trying to get caught up at home in the evenings.

I was anxious, yes, because I was divided. How could I serve my own family, but also "love my neighbor as myself" when it came to my dear friend's very serious need?

I was only one person. What if I had been called to the Religious Life and had never married? I would have had no husband or son to be concerned with.

I had a random thought one day, that my efforts to help my friend and her family, borne out of total Love and commitment, could have been my Life. I had found such deep satisfaction and contentment in being devoted to this other family. I was happier than I had been in years. Despite my utter sadness at my friend's serious illness, I felt that I was doing what I was meant to do. Why did God not call me to be a nun or religious sister? A missionary?

I confided this to a cousin and she told me that my great grandmother back in the Old Country had entered a convent when she was a teen. She became ill, however, and had to leave the Convent. She met her future husband and never went back. My grandmother was their daughter.

So my feelings that I COULD have been an unmarried woman devoted to missions of selfless Love, were not far off.

I told my pastor this, at the time. He told me that he was proud of me for my zeal to love God by loving others. But that, since I had married years ago and have a son, my husband and son must come first.

I follow this today, as best as I can. If my son needs me at home because he is sick, I don't return that call from a church committee right away. I make myself present to my son.

If my husband needs me at home for some reason, I skip the Prayer Meeting.

Do I feel anxious about not doing both? Even a bit guilty? You bet.

Sometimes, I fall into the trap of believing that being a Christian means only being out in the world doing good.

But Pope Francis says that, "Family is the First Church."

And I live by what Mother Teresa said about family:

"People are so busy, so occupied that they have no time to even smile at each other. They have no time to enjoy each other, to be together, to smile, to pray together, no time. Father and mother very busy, children are left to themselves. No one in the house; the old people are put in some institution. When you come home, you sit in front of the television, as relaxation a little bit, but you again have no time to talk to your children, to talk to your family people. - - How can we love Jesus in the world today? By loving Him in my husband, my wife, my children, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, the poor.  . . Love begins in the family. Peace begins in the family."

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