Angels and Beasts

"The Spirit drove Jesus out into the wilderness, and He remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among wild beasts, and the angels ministered to Him.
After John [the Baptist] had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the gospel of God." -[Mark 1: 12-15].


The desert is a very dry place. A person wandering in the desert is parched, perhaps lost, so very thirsty. Very hungry.

A person in the desert is weak and vulnerable. Any tests that arise could mean a serious trauma, or even the End.

I look back on my life, and I feel like I was in the desert during all of my childhood, and much of my adult life.

I faced many "tests" - as a child, being fed four day old food and being told, "Eat this, or go hungry, you will get nothing else." My mother offering to fix me a plate of eggs, and my father commanding her, "Do NOT feed her."

Being hit by a sibling, and my mother telling me, "You are too sensitive." Going to school with black eyes and my mother explaining, "Well, she is a tomboy."

When we went to the lake in the summer, I would sit in the prow of my grandfather's metal fishing skiff, cross-legged. My sibling believed that I was the "look-out" for rocks and lily pads. Instead, I had turned my back on my grandfather and sibling, both literally and figuratively.

I was pretending that I was not myself, but secretly, a Native American Princess. The pines in the shadows of the forest seemed dark and velvety, luring me in. I imagined that I would run away, and live amongst the wild animals. Deer and even bears would be kind to me, even if no human was capable of Love. I would fashion a tunic out of woven bark, and forage for wild berries and nuts. I would sleep on beds of soft, green moss, and carve my very own canoe out of a fallen log.

Of course, when our time at the lake was done, I had not run away. Instead, I returned to my year-round home and to my trials.

Before reading Mark 1:12-15, I thought I was somehow being "punished" in life, by having trials. But it was not God punishing me. . . Maybe it felt like my family was punishing me, making me the scapegoat.

But we all have trials in life, as well as moments of incredible joy and hope. None of us is immune from the Desert.

I must have had invisible angels ministering to me. . . All those years when I was most hungry, a neighbor fed me. When I was walking home from school in the rain, a neighbor gave me a ride. When I was most down, a mom told me I had a beautiful smile. When I was alone, I found a friend.

I have fought for so many years for the right to be fed. For the sense of security to be safe in my own bed. For someone to not only say, "I love you", but to show it.

But these merely bring me to "stasis", to a place of equilibrium, to a place where I am not dizzy from hunger or exhausted from fear.

What my emergence from the Desert means is far more than just food, water and warm clothing. The wilderness has honed me to see what is really important in my life. I have "eyes to see and ears to hear" - [Matthew 13:16].

I am extremely grateful for those "angels" who ministered to me. They helped me to survive.

As Jesus learned, I don't need over-arching levels of Power to recover and be successful in life. I do not need an unending supply of gourmet food, in order to flourish.

What I need is Faith that in the midst of this life of storms and wilderness and desert, that there IS  deep, unconditional Love available to me.

It was only after Jesus had emerged from the wilderness, that he began proclaiming the gospel of God.

It has been only since I have emerged stronger from my own journey in the wilderness, that I have been able to say that I want my past experiences to mean something.

I refuse to believe that, the sum total of Life means, you experience trauma, then you die. My experiences will mean something only if I can give to others who are hurting, that healing, unconditional Love that I never received.

I want to turn my past hunger into feeding others. I want to turn my past shivering-cold into giving others a sweater or a coat. I want to turn my past thirst into life-giving water.

Out of the depths of my wilderness, I want to find Healing; and in the process, to help others to heal.

[Related Posting: "The Desert", 2/15/15; "The Test", 2/14/16; "Tempted", 3/4/17].

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