Holy Thursday

"  Jesus knew that His time had come to leave this world and return to the Father. The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power, abd that He had come from God, and was returning to God. He got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around His waist. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel wrapped around Him. He came to Simon Peter, who said, 'No, You shall never wash my feet.' Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.' " [ John 13: 1-8].

I remember asking my pastor about five years ago, what was this business about Jesus washing His disciples' feet? Shouldn't it be the opposite? Shouldn't WE kneel down and reverence Jesus?

By kneeling to wash his disciples' feet, Jesus took the form of a slave!

To my fascination and, almost horror, I found out that on Holy Thursday, many parishes reenact the washing of the feet.

I had the exact same reaction as Simon Peter: I could NEVER allow Jesus to wash my feet!

My friends, there are so many barriers to our Faith and I think that I have lived them all!! ---

Innocence, which in my case, came from being a mere child and believing that Faith can be found only in church.

Physical barriers: When my family stopped taking me to church, I gave up on my Faith. I thought they had taken my Faith away, and that, with my church being clear across town, I had no way to get to church to find it again.

Over-confidence: when I was finally able to break free from my faith-less, abusive family, I guess I thought that everything would be okay from then on; so, why did I NEED God?

Doubt: I began to half-believe what my family said, that there is no God, and that going to church is a "waste of time and money".

Fear: When I finally began to make a serious effort to investigate and nurture my Faith, I hid my crucifix, my Bible and Catechism books upstairs in my house, so no one in my extended family could see them. After all the Catholic-hating rhetoric growing up, I thought that I was doing something wrong, trying to further my Faith life.

Exhaustion: I became tired of fighting for my Faith. "This is too hard!", I told God.

But the worst barrier for me was the last one that came before my Conversion: feelings of worthlessness.

From my abusive childhood, (which goes back to a time when I was pre-verbal), I have this awful tape that goes through my head: " Ugly"; " Guilty"; "Worthless".

Pick a week, and one of these themes is no doubt going through my head, in an endless, psychic Mobius strip. A faithful friend says to me, "Why do you allow the Dark Side to keep repeating these lies about you? Because they ARE lies!"

The Truth is, we are all children of God and we are all worthy to receive God's Grace. I have finally realized that I will NEVER reap the Promise of Jesus, or of God, if I can never feel worthy enough to approach Jesus and allow Him to cleanse me. This is what Jesus means when He says, 'Then you can never have a part with me.'

Every year, on Holy Thursday, instead of cringeing, I am going to ask myself, "How ready am I NOW to approach Jesus and allow Him to heal me?"

And, if I can allow Jesus to heal me, what a gift! For then, I will be strong enough to go forth and to heal others!

[Related Posting, "Ready For God", Nov.8, 2011]

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2013. All Rights Reserved.