My Palm Sunday Life

" Christ Jesus, though He was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped, [ reached, achieved.]  Rather, He emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and humbled Himself , becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." [Philippians 2: 6-11].

It is Palm Sunday. In church, at Mass, we grasp palm fronds by the handsful, the way that the disciples and the crowds did, as Jesus marched to His certain death upon the cross. We walk solemnly into the church, in a funereal parade, following the pastor, and the altar server lifting high the Cruficix.

Every Palm Sunday, I feel this sickened pit of dread in my stomach. I know where we are going. Everyone knows where we are going. We do not want to go there. But our heavy steps take us there anyway.

This is what Jesus did for us-- as God in human form, as teacher, as friend. He walked solemnly, with few words, to His death.

We are all called to "die to self", on this Palm Sunday, and on every day . . . .

And what does this really mean?

I "died to self" in my childhood home. As abuse upon abuse piled on, I became Nothing, so that no one could find me; and so, no one could persecute me. I ate little and became a whisp. I took a vow of silence, so that my words could not be held against me. I slept little, so that I could remain on watch. I showed no emotion, so that no one could believe that they had gotten under my skin.

I did not rebel. I " gave my back to those who struck me. My face I did not shield from buffets. I set my face like flint". [ Isaiah 50: 4-7].

Many, many years later, when my father died abruptly, I took my mother back. Despite all the ugly things that had gone on, I cared for her in her last years. She had rejected me, mocked me and abandoned me. I did not WANT to take her back. But I also did not want to become the one who rejects and abandons in turn. So I took her back anyway.

There are some things that we do out of extreme Love, even though we do NOT -- with every nerve of our being -- want to do them.

Even while I cared for my mother, I was caring for my best friend, who had become seriously ill with cancer. She had called me after her diagnosis and asked me to take over for awhile. My heart sank in dread. I could not imagine managing things for her. It was a huge task. How would I even know what to do? But she told me that she trusted me! As much as I simply wanted to sink down and spend my days crying, I rose up and I got to work. This was a Palm Sunday kind of dread, but I did it anyway.

Whether we realize it or not, it is Palm Sunday every day for us as Christians.  Perhaps you have not died to self in such a dramatic way as I did. But every day, we are asked to do things we do not want to do, in the name of Love. Every day, we are called to walk Christ's path to Gesthemane, that leads to the Cross. Every day, we are swallowed up and spit out of the whale, like Jonah, and sent to the opposite shore, to Ninevah, to preach to those who will not listen to Faith!

How to "die to self" and therefore, become more Christ-like? Start small. Start with the everyday:


I do not WANT to awake at 6:30 a.m. every day to ensure my son eats a good breakfast and to get him off to school. But I do it anyway and I do it with Love.

I do not WANT to run to the market right before it closes, to buy milk or bread, when I did not realize earlier that we had run short. I want to slam the money down at the clerk, because of how expensive food is these days. But I go to the market anyway, and I even smile at the clerk.

I do not WANT to make dinner every night, but I do it anyway, because time spent breaking bread with my family is so very precious.

Dying to Self means loving deeply, loving from the heart, loving the way Christ did-- totally and unconditionally, for US!

If we focus on the feelings of dread, life becomes a chore. If we focus on the Love, life becomes a Joy!

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