Race In America

Racism means, " prejudice or hate based on another's race".

We have heard a lot of rhetoric lately about race in America, because of the Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman trial. [George Zimmerman, an Hispanic man in a neighborhood watch group, was found not guilty by reason of self-defense, in the shooting of 17 year old Trayvon Martin, a black male.]

A recent open letter to Zimmerman, on Facebook, has received a lot of attention. It states: " For the rest of your life, you are now going to feel what it's like to be a black man in America. People will cross the street when they see you coming. I bet you never thought that by shooting a black male, you'd end up inheriting all of his struggles."

Why do I have this nagging feeling that there is an undercurrent of revenge there?

As a white suburban mom, I have written in this space, that where there is hatred or violence or war, no one wins.  Now, why would I, as a white suburbanite, be so against racism?

When I was a little girl, I was told that my Nana was Irish.  But my brother and I were raised as English. If we mentioned Nana, we were told, "Oh, that." My father used to say, "The English are a superior race." I would ask, "But, why?" He would say, "Because they are."

So, I figured, if I was part Irish, and my Nana was shameful to the family, wasn't I shameful? Racism makes children feel worthless.

When I was about three, I noticed my freckles, that came from my Irish Nana. I cried, and yelled out, "Make them go away!" Racism makes children feel conspicuous.

It was not until I was an adult, out of university and married, that I sharply questioned my father, and found out that my Nana was the Irish housekeeper and nanny to my grandfather's household, before they married.

It has taken me the rest of my life to feel okay about being part Irish. I am still working on reclaiming my sense of self. Racism fractures a child's identity.

When Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated, I heard talk amongst whites about how there would be rioting in the streets. I wondered if we would descend into civil war again? Racism makes children fear that the bonds of a civilized society are unraveling.

At university, I was the victim of a horrific and violent crime. I almost died that day. The first thing my family asked me was, "Was the assailant black?" But, it did not matter to me who the man was. The result was the same: I was wounded and too scared to leave my home. Racism over-emphasizes race and under-emphasize the effects of ALL violence.

At university, a black girlfriend went out for dinner and drinks with her friends. A policeman stopped her, as designated driver, for no reason. She did not have her driver's license with her. Suddenly, five police cars surrounded her car. She was handcuffed and taken to jail. In the black community, this is called, "driving while black." Racism overreacts, and imprisons.

All of these instances occurred decades ago. What is the state of race in America today?

A black salesman man goes door to door in a white neighborhood. A white neighbor calls the police, complaining that there is a black man in her neighborhood. What is his offense- "selling while black"?

A white couple is invited to a party, where all the other guests are people of color. When they enter, the other guests stiffen, and stifle gasps. The hostess, a lovely African American lady, takes the wife by the hand, calls her "Dear", and leads her to the buffet table. Everyone lets out a sigh of relief.

I learned a lot about my racism from my own family's prejudices. These experiences have profoundly changed how I interact with others:

A young lady comes to help me clean my house. Her English is fractured and painstaking. I always have bottles of Coke on hand just for her. She could be my daughter. She could be my Nana.

A couple of young men recently drove up to my house, in a big truck, to make a delivery. On a blisteringly hot day, I gave them cold sodas, then also cold bottles of water. These young men could be my sons.

President Obama said that Trayvon Martin could have been his own son. You know what, everyone we encounter are our brothers and sisters! Oh, by the way, the delivery guys were black. I was pretty sad to see their amazement, when I gave them cold drinks and told them to be careful in the heat. . .
I told them, I "mother" everybody!

We do not need to be finding ways to get back at each other. We need to be finding ways to get along.

There is hope for the future, though. I was talking to my teen son about one of his friends.  I told him that she is Korean. He asked, "How do YOU know?"  When I pointed out her shiny black hair and her dark eyes, he said, "Hunh, I didn't notice." My heart sang!

[Related posting, " St. Patrick's Day", March 17, 2011.]

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