Right Vs. Light

" Brothers and sisters: You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth. Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention the things done by them in secret; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.' " -[Ephesians 5: 8-14].


As a girl, I lived in a sweet little Cape-Colonial style home in a leafy suburb. We had the proverbial white picket fence, and a climbing vine of red roses on the south side of the garage. In June, the roses' scent drifted up into the open window of my bedroom.  My lace curtains would billow in the breeze, and I could often smell the scent of newly mown grass.

This sounds like Heaven. . . except there was a War going on in my house -- a War in which I was the helpless prey.

Throughout most of the house, my mother had put up rolling blinds, sheer curtains and heavy draperies, in the living room, the dining room,  and the master bedroom -- three layers to keep the world out.

My mother told me several times, "What happens in this house, stays inside these four walls." Perhaps some would regard this as comforting family solidarity.  For me, it meant that I could not find any help "in the outside world."

When I cried, because my brother hit me or verbally abused me daily, my mother would say, 'Stop crying, the neighbors will think I beat you.' So then, I would cry harder, hoping someone would come knock on the door to see if I was alright -- but no one came.

I knew at a young age that there was a constant barrage of darkness coming at me. As a tiny girl, I could not safely expose their acts of darkness, "those things done by them in secret."  Would the repercussions at home, if I told, become worse than the abuse itself?

I could have thought myself "in the right" to become angry and vengeful towards my family; to live the rest of my life bitter and hostile in my life and towards others.  But then the darkness, which I would have taken on, into myself, could have destroyed me. I wanted to survive. I wanted to Live.

It was more important to me to live as Light than to be "right".

Instinctively, I decided then, that I had to become the Light. I had to somehow neutralize all those dark forces coming at me, by becoming purely Good.

Somehow, I knew to bring cut flowers into my room from my mother's garden -- red roses, Lily of the Valley, fresh lilacs, irises, begonias. These were not darkness, these were Light from God's garden.

I began to tend my mother's garden, weeding and fluffing the beds. Watering and edging. I would bring begonias and geraniums in clay pots into my room over the winters. I would pluck off the dried- out leaves and blossoms, water the plants and encourage their growth. I would turn their flower heads towards the sun.

I wanted to make beautiful things. I learned to knit, to embroider, to sew, to needlepoint. I made a needlepoint kneeler cushion for my church. I knitted a sweater for my brother.  I sewed a skirt for my mother. I crafted a hand-made silk tie for my dad.

When I turned 18, I moved out of the house. I went away to school. I paid my respects to  my family at Christmas and Easter. But otherwise, I rarely returned home. I kept the peace. But, I did not go back for more abuse.

When, as an adult, I told my pastor about the cruelties of my childhood, he said quietly,  "I am amazed that you did not BECOME them."   But, No!  I took no part in their fruitless works of darkness.

Some may call me a fool for responding this way to my family. But, decades after my childhood, I read in Romans 12: 17-21 -- "Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath. . . Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I still believe, from the depths of my Soul, that I must be the Light. Darkness pre-existed the Light at Creation, but Light vanquished the darkness. John 1:2 says,  "He [Christ, the Light of the world] was with God in the beginning."

When Adam and Eve ate of the Fruit, they hid in shame. Darkness is the cover for "fruitless works", "shameful things done in secret."

But, Light produces every kind of goodness, righteousness and Truth. I WAS the Light, I AM the Light. My Light comes from Christ. No kind of darkness can extinguish my Light. My Truth, which is the Light, IS the Love that can come only from the heart -- and from the wellsprings of God.

I did not need to receive earthly Love to know Love. I knew it instinctively, from the heart. --"The desire for God is written upon the human heart. This invitation to converse with God is addressed to humankind as soon as he comes into being. Only in God will he find the Truth and happiness he never stops searching for." -[Cat. 1:27].

Christ IS the Light, who was temporarily extinguished, yet who came back from seeming Nothingness and-- He now lights the whole world. It was BECAUSE of Christ's crucifixion and Resurrection,  that Christianity became an unstoppable force.

"Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. God never ceases to call everyone to seek Him, so as to find life and happiness." --[Cat. 1: 30].


[Related Postings: "Come to the Light", 3/18/15; ]

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