The Spirit of Wisdom

"I prayed, and prudence was given to me; I pleaded, and the spirit of wisdom came to me. I preferred her to scepter and throne, and deemed riches nothing in comparison with her, nor did I liken any priceless gem to her; because all gold, in view of her, is a little sand, and before her, silver is to be accounted mire. Beyond health and comeliness I loved her, and I chose to have her rather than the light, because the splendor of her never yields to sleep. Yet all good things came together came to me in her company and countless riches at her hands." -[Wisdom 7: 7-11].


 My mother used to equate Love to money. She confused the two. She used to try to condition my behavior on an offer of money. My mother and her own mother would tell me, 'I will give you my piano, and I will pay for you to take lessons, IF you will study piano and if you will play for me.'
But I bristled, because I knew that the only reason I would become devoted to the piano was if my devotion came from within myself. I was too young to have that discipline and so, reluctantly, I said No.

When I was at University, my mother would say to me, 'I will not pay for your tuition, IF you study this subject.'  But,  I bristled, because I knew that I would not be able to abandon my individual gifts, and to adopt other gifts which I did NOT possess- just because she threw money at me. I couldn't just wake up one day and become someone else, with a wholly different set of skills and abilities, just because she was paying me to do so.

As a young person, I had to give up on the influence of money. Money had to become irrelevant to me. "I deemed riches nothing." And so, the influence of wealth became as mere sand or mire to me. Any fool could have money. Any unscrupulous person could weaponize wealth. But I realized it takes a lot to grow from the inside.

My parents used to disparage those of color, and immigrants, and ordinary folks. They used to idolize the wealthy, the powerful, the extravagantly successful. But I bristled, because what if you were born poor and could never escape the yoke of poverty? Was it that person's fault? Did that make the person invisible? Or worthless?

I had to make celebrity or power or class irrelevant to me. And this was incredibly freeing to me, because suddenly no person was, by definition, off limits. I found that everyone has a story, and a path. I saw everyone as a potential friend, unless they showed me otherwise.

My parents used to feed me four day old food, when I was a child. They had other, fresher food in the house; but if I did not eat what was put before me, my father would say to my mother, "Do not feed her." I had to give up any sense of gluttony or misplaced worship of food. I learned that food can be weaponized, and so, food no longer had any hold over me.

My sibling used to taunt me daily, dishing out a litany of how ugly I was: my teeth were imperfect and I needed braces, my skin had occasional blemishes, I wore eyeglass to read, I wore the "wrong" styles. Over time, my teeth straightened, my skin cleared up, my eyeglasses became fashionable, fashions changed. I came to realize that my sibling's comments had far less to do with my appearance, and were far more indicative of his resentful attitude towards me. I had to give up any ego regarding my appearance, it wasn't worth agonizing over.

I am in middle adulthood now. I eat to live, I don't live to eat. I do not spend all my days figuring out how to amass priceless gems or vast stores of material goods. I have been poor. I have been well-off. Whatever my situation, I deal with it. I have had to eat rice and beans. I have been able to dine like a queen.

Through all this, I have sought what is timeless and priceless: Wisdom.

I have prayed to be able to discern what my path is. I have sought pure, unconditional Love, the kind that only God can bestow. Wisdom comes when you have been stripped of everything else: youth, beauty, riches, power, jewels, high class, renown, epicurean foods, designer clothing, vast swathes of real estate, superior strength.

What you have, when you have lost everything, is God. Wisdom is found in God's Word, which is Love.

Sometimes, all you have is God, is His Love, which is Wisdom. And that is not only enough- it is everything.

[Related Posting: "Prayer for Wisdom", 7/3/11]'

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