The Truth of His Wounds

" Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, 'We have seen the Lord!' But he said to them, 'Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.' A week later, his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked [for fear of the Jews], Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!' Then he said to Thomas, ' Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Stop doubting and believe.' Thomas said to him, 'My Lord and my God!'. " [John 20: 24-28].

This Reading has often been dubbed "Doubting Thomas". For those of us who seem to be "born skeptics", this Scripture is all about us!

Sometimes I reread this Scripture and it seems to be all about fear and doubt. So often, I have hated my doubt. I have been so anxious that my doubt is a bad sign, an indicator of a lack of faith. I am afraid that I will spiral down in my doubt and drown in it, that my doubt will take me to a dark place from which I will never escape.

WHY do I have to doubt? After all, Jesus says in this reading, "Blessed are those who have seen and yet have believed." [John 20: 29]. How come I cannot always believe, without seeing?

Then I cringe, because certain family members of mine have mocked Catholics for their "blind faith." They insinuate that being a Christian means that you are gullible, perhaps not even intelligent enough to think for yourself. So is it better to be a "thinking Christian" after all?

I think back to the times, in my doubt, that I have asked God for a sign, for some sort of proof. Or even tested him with a challenging question. I would pray, 'If you are really God, why can't you make this happen?' Then, I would wonder, am I being too childish to ask for a sign? After all, as an adult, I should simply believe, without needing constant reassurance from God.

And yet, I have, in fact, requested signs. And God, being as Merciful and Loving a Father as one could imagine, has responded. I like to think of this as His Divine Mercy, reassuring me that He is still there-- and in charge.

I think back to the time when I thought I would never become a mother. One fine spring day, I was feeling very down about this. I went outside to the porch, to gather up the flowers I had laid out in a bunch to dry. On one of the stems was a ladybug. Immediately I gasped and thought, "Our Lady!" I gained some hope at that moment. Was this a sign.? Was I supposed to banish my doubt and believe? Many years later, our son was born. . . .

In this Reading, Thomas wants a sign, he wants proof. I take comfort from the fact that the doubter is a disciple. So. . . .I am not faithless, or sorely lacking in Love for Jesus, if I doubt. Even a disciple has doubted. It is okay if I doubt from time to time, as well.

As much as I can perhaps make peace with my doubt, I can also see that Jesus' wounds are a very visible, but gruesome proof of His love for us. I read about Thomas seeing the nail marks, putting his fingers there and placing his hands in Jesus' side and I wince. Jesus' wounds are real!

The wounds are painful to see. But the wounds also are the Truth. The wounds show graphically the full extent of Jesus' sacrifice for us. The wounds are the proof of Jesus' Love.

In this space, I have shown you my wounds. But, I do not wish to dwell on my wounds. I do not want to "live there", surrounded only by my pain and fractured sense of self. No, I show my wounds in order to show proof of the power of God's redemptive Love. Without the love of God, I would remain irrreparably wounded. I might not even be alive.

Do you show the world YOUR wounds? Not to whimper, or to bemoan your broken-ness. But to exhibit your sacrifices for Love? To prove how you have overcome your wounds through following Jesus? I tell people that the wrinkles developing around my eyes are "battle scars", and I am not ashamed of them!

One year during Lent, I heard a talk by Brother Loughlin Scofield. He said that our wounds ARE our gifts! That sounds odd, even backwards. The example he gave was from a church directory. This booklet listed parishioners' talents and gifts. But these were listed as, "Cancer Survivor", "Heart Attack", "Widower" etc. How can these be gifts? Because all these people who suffered, also drew strength from God. Because all these people have so much more wisdom to give others now!

I also think of St. Paul who said: "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me." [2 Corinthians 12: 9]. My wounds, my doubt, invite God in!

God, I am only human and therefore, I doubt. I pray that I may see my doubt, my weaknesses and my wounds, as powerful gifts that draw me closer to You and to Jesus, Your Son.

[Related posting: "Doubt", May 1, 2011]

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Easter Redemption

" The angel said to Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here, He has risen, just as He said." [Matthew 28: 5-6].

The long season of Lent is finally over! We have emerged from the desert of the temptation of sin, and from the dark time of reflection and fasting. We have keenly felt the poignancy of the Last Supper. We have walked through the somber valley of Jesus' death on Good Friday. Easter now brings us the joyful hope of Redemption.

I have not had an easy life. And yet, my life has been filled with Redemption!

When I was thirteen, my mother and my grandmother drew me aside and told me that my mother almost died giving birth to me, and I almost died too. I could have been depressed my whole life, or scared because 'life is so dangerous'. Instead, at that moment, I suddenly understood that there IS a God. He brought me into this life. My whole life became a matter of Redemption because I had conquered death. At the age of thirteen, I understood that life is sacred.

When I was three, I almost drowned in a neighbor's pool. Yet again, I was given life!

Despite growing up in a dysfunctional household where no one ever hugged me or said 'I love you', I set about, at age 13, tending to my mother's garden, bringing flowers into the house, and taking care of the family's mending each Sunday afternoon. I believe that it is by God's grace that I was able to exhibit so much love. I believe that I wanted the opposite of hate and abuse and neglect. I wanted, not revenge; I wanted Redemption. I longed for God, before I really knew who He was.

In graduate school, I was the victim of a violent crime. I almost died that day. But I prayed to God. I could not believe that my life was over. I pleaded with God, "I have so much more to live for!" God saved me again. He gave me another chance at life! He gave me another Redemption.

When I was ten, I felt that I had no haven where I could be safe. I could not stop what was being done to me. So I stopped speaking. I decided to become invisible. Today, in this space, I am speaking to the world!

When I was thirteen, I created my own Redemption by behaving lovingly in the face of a cold, unloving atmosphere. As an adult, I have continued my practice of "creating Redemption" -- a neighbor many years ago gave me a plethora of zucchini from his garden. In turn, I made zucchini bread and gave him a loaf or two! Recently, I discovered a big bin of left-over yarn in my closet. Now I am making scarves for the homeless shelter nearby.

We are called to "create Redemptions" here on earth by bestowing our love on others, even on those who, we believe, may not deserve it.

Gradually, though, I am learning something far more important about Redemption. The true power of Redemption comes, not merely from human effort, but from God! Jesus went willingly to the cross. But it is God who lifted Him up!

If I think that I have been on my own-- gardening for my mother, sewing and mending for my family, baking zucchini bread, knitting scarves-- I am wrong! It is God who has given me this life, many times over. It is God who has given me these gifts! And it is God who, by calling me to love Him, is calling me to love the world!

God, in calling Your Son to Your side, You celebrated the power of Life over death. I pray that I, too, may celebrate Redemption, by drawing closer to Your Love!

[Related posting: "Easter Joy!", April 23, 2011].

(c) The Spiritual Devotional, 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Holy Friday

"Jesus said, 'For this I was born and for this I came into the World, to testify to the Truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice." [John 18: 37].

Good Friday is also known as Holy Friday. I have always wondered about how this day could possibly be described as "good". For this is the day that Jesus died on the cross.

I went to pray in my church today. The eternal flame, in the candle over the Tabernacle, was extinguished. The font of Holy Water was empty, not burbling as usual. The Tabernacle of the Blessed Sacrament that usually contains the Host, was open, but empty. Tiny sparrows have, over time, taken up residence in the church, and built nests. Usually, they chirp happily as I sit and pray. Even they were silent. All around me was sadness.

I am going through this now, in real time, with an elderly relative. This is a man who has always been the father I never had. He treats me like a daughter. He is gentle, never angry. He has a deep faith. He is kind, generous to a fault. Although he is frail and fading away, he bears it all with such incredible grace.

When my husband and I murmur to him about his condition, he comforts US. He says, "No one lives forever, you know."

I get angry sometimes. It seems like there are people in this world who are evil and self-absorbed and prideful. And yet they seem to prosper. This reminds me of Job 21:7-- "Why do the wicked prosper, growing old and increasing their power? Their homes are safe and free from fear. Yet they say to God, 'Leave us alone! We have no desire to know your ways.' "

I feel selfish sometimes. I want my dear relative here with me. I am not willing to let him go, even though I know that God's plan for him is to go to Heaven. Why can't this dear relative live forever? Yet, he is suffering so, how can I wish him to continue in this life?

I cry sometimes. I really NEED this man in my life. Can't he see that he needs to stay by my side?

He comforts me, he give me wise advice.

Above all, I dread his funeral because that will really mean "goodbye". I will be lost without him.

Then, I think, How can I remember him and make his life really mean something? I will celebrate his birthday every year. I will sorrowfully commemorate his date of death. Perhaps I will prepare and serve a special meal, and invite others to share it with me?

Above all, I want to become like this man, to ensure that his special character lives on in ME. I want to be as humble, as gentle, as loving, as concerned with justice as my dear departed. This is what will ensure that he lives on in this world. I also want to tell others what this man meant to me.

Jesus, the Son of God, was sent to us in human form. If I feel all of this with my beloved relative, how much more so do I feel these things with Jesus? We celebrate His birth at Christmas. We mourn His death on Good Friday. We prepare and share a special meal, the Eucharist: ["Do this in remembrance of me". 1 Corinthians 11:24] .

We honor His life as meaningful and Holy, by emulating His virtues. " My children, I will be with you only a little longer. A new commandment I give unto you, as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples.". [13:15].

We still may want to hold onto Jesus and not let Him go. But Jesus said, "Do not hold onto me . . . . . ." [John 20:17]. He knew that He was destined to go to the Father.

Good Friday is like witnessing, with a heavy heart, the funeral for Jesus. We are in mourning. But on the third day, we know, that we will celebrate His rising again. Jesus will be at the right hand of His Father. This was God's plan all along!

God, I do not want to accept the death of Your Son. But I know that He lives on in my heart!

[Related Posts: "Good Friday", April 22, 2011].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Holy Thursday

" Jesus knew that He had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing and wrapped a towel around His waist. After that, he poured water in a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel wrapped around Him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to Him, 'Lord, are you going to wash my feet?' Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.' 'No', said Peter, 'You shall never wash my feet.' Jesus answered, 'Unless I wash your feet, you will not receive my inheritance.'" [John 13: 3-6].

During Jesus' time, people wore sandals on their feet. On the unpaved roads, their feet quickly grew dirty and dusty. The feet are the dirtiest part of us, since they walk on the ground. Even today, in the Middle East, exposing the bottoms of one's filthy shoes in front of another is a great insult.

I cannot imagine anyone washing my feet-- let alone Jesus!! This is how Simon Peter is reacting in this Scripture. He says, "No. You shall never wash my feet."

When I was converting, it was during the season of Lent. That was a hard enough season for a beginner, a season spent "in the desert", alone and in contemplation. Then came Holy Thursday and The Washing Of The Feet. I reacted viscerally against this idea. I hit a wall spiritually.

Many parishes reenact The Washing of The Feet. What is there to this ritual? Then I realized, this tender moment of Jesus washing the disciples' feet is a foreshadowing of His ultimate service and sacrifice in the Crucifixion.

So, what Jesus says here is correct. If I do not accept His sacrifice, I do not accept Him!

I tried to discern what was keeping me from fully receiving Jesus? For me, it was feeling that I am not worthy.

What keeps us from Jesus' sacrifice, His gift, and ultimately the "inheritance"-- the glory-- of Jesus?

Is it Fear? Perhaps we fear such a close connection with the supernatural.

Is it Doubt? Perhaps we doubt who Jesus really is? Or we doubt the awesome effect He can have on us, if we only accept Him?

Perhaps it is Pride? Maybe we think that we do not need anyone's help, let alone God's, or His Son's?

Jesus, I pray that I may draw ever nearer to You, so that I may receive the inheritance that is in You!

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.

The Road To Cavalry

" The great crowd that had come for the feast heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting: 'Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!' ". [John 12: 12-13].

"Many spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields." [Mark 11:8].

The place where Jesus was crucified was called Cavalry. It was on a small hill overlooking the gate to Jerusalem, the place to where Jesus marched, on the day we now call Palm Sunday. The hill was in the shape of a skullhead, and also called Golgotha, or "Place of the Skull".

I can only imagine the feelings of Jesus, as He made the long walk to Jerusalem, and to Cavalry where He died. Perhaps He had a sense of dread, as is apparent in the Garden of Gethsemene after His arrival. He says to the disciples, " 'Sit here while I pray.' He began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.' He fell to the ground and prayed. 'Father, everything is possible for you. Yet not what I will but what you will.' " [ Mark 14: 32-35].

I went to Palm Sunday Mass today. We went into the great church hall to hear the First Reading and to witness the blessing of the palms. Then, we each took a palm frond, and like the crowds accompanying Jesus into Jerusalem, we marched into the church.

I admit that I squirm at the feeling of dread that comes with Palm Sunday. Everyone knows to what end Jesus comes. How can it be good? The ancient Greeks sacrificed animals to appease the gods. How could we accept the greatest sacrifice of all, the Crucifixion of God's only Son?

What sacrifice would you make for Love? I grew up in a home that was dysfunctional and abusive. A few times during those years, I thought that God had forgotten about me. Like Jesus, I wanted to cry, "My God, why have You [abandoned] forsaken me?" [Mark 15: 34].

Yet, I did not get angry or lash out. I did not become rebellious, or run away. Instead, I tried to listen in church and I tried to emulate Jesus' ways : Truth, Light, Peace, Love, Humility. As in Isaiah, "The Lord wakened me morning by morning, wakened my ear to listen like one being taught. He has opened my ears and I did not become rebellious; I have not drawn back. I offered my back to those who beat me, I did not hide my face. I set my face like flint." [Isaiah 50: 4-7].

Of course, I was a mere child then, and I could not escape, although so often, I had fantasies of being rescued.

Many, many years later, after my father died suddenly, I took my mother back. She lived in an assisted community, but day after day, she came to my house, and blasphemed Catholics, and criticized my (Catholic) husband to my face. I dreaded this time in her life, when I had to care for her. But honestly, there was no one else. I am the only daugher. All other relatives were far away or frail themselves. I said nothing when she went about these speeches. I simply took care of her, the best way I knew how.

Friends, relatives, neighbors, thought I was a fool to care for her. My mother had always been mercurial-- cooperative and soft-spoken one minute, cruel and rejecting the next.

Christians speak of the dread that comes from being called to The Road To Cavalry. We see what we are called to do, we know the sacrifices that will be required, and the dreaded end; but, we cannot run from the calling that God puts upon us.

Not long after I took my mother back, I felt so overwhelmed that I sought spiritual guidance. That conversation led to my decision to explore conversion. I knew that I could not make the sacrifices required to care for my mother, without becoming closer to God.

My conversion was one of the hardest things I have ever undergone, because as I was undergoing conversion, I was subjected to the frequent commentary of my mother, who was rejecting Christians as weak hypocrites who were gullible and foolish!

And yet, I could only respond to the pain of my past by exhibiting Love. The answer for me has never been- can never be-- to hate back! I wanted to love back; I did not want to sin back, to become the sin-hater who slowly becomes the sinner.

A few months after my mother came to live near me, my best friend died of cancer. She had been battling this terrible illness for two years. Out of the sacrifice I had made to care for my mother came my conversion. Out of my conversion came the incredible gift of being able to receive the Eucharist at my friend's funeral.

Out of dying to self, forgetting and forgiving past pain, and humbling myself to serve the one who had pained me so deeply -- came the ultimate redemption, the gift of the Eucharist!

About a year after my conversion and my friend's death, my mother died. The day after her funeral, I walked into my church for Mass. Yes! I had a church now! I could call myself Christian. The pastors were there to greet me. A woman I know only slightly sat next to me and held my hand throughout the entire Mass. I sobbed. Choir members hugged me after Mass.

Jesus' sacrifice is a huge testament to Love. The way to honor that, and to thank Him for that, is to become the most gentle and loving Christ-follower we can be. This kind of Love is not easy. It is sometimes The Road to Cavalry, a road filled with dread.

Jesus, in emulating Your ultimate sacrifice, I die to self, and receive Your sacred Redemption.

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Starving Iniquity

" Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, was led by the Spirit in the desert, where for forty days, he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them, he was hungry. The devil said to him, ' If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.' Jesus answered, ' It is written: Man does not live on bread alone.' " [Luke 4: 1-4].

During the season of Lent, we are to pray. [Related blog posts, "Pray", April 4, 2011; "Transfiguration of Christ", March 5, 2012].

We are also called to give to others. [Related postings, "Give", April 12, 2011; "Giving My All", March 21, 2012].

As evident in this Scripture, we are also called to Fast. During the forty days in the desert, just as Jesus ate nothing, so we are to eat simply during Lent, and fast from meat on Fridays. Some Christians give up sweets or favorite foods to remind themselves of Jesus' obedience and humility as He fasted.

There are other ways of fasting, though. In essence, during Lent and at all times, we are called to refuse to feed our temptation to sin.

Like every other human being, I want to regard myself as someone who is not a Sinner. Or, I would like some "mitigating factors" to soften the blow, or even excuse me. AM I a sinner? Since we are all human, and by definition imperfect--- yes, we all are sinners!

When we think of sin, we often think of the Ten Commandments. This is a good start. Or, there are the Seven Deadly Sins, which have been around for many centuries.

However, we define it, the abhorrence of Sin, even the awareness of sin, seems to be almost obsolete today. Consider the Seven Deadly Sins, vs. today's culture:

There is Greed: Gordon Gekko in the movie, "Wall Street" famously uttered the line, "Greed is good". Recently the Federal government asked Michael Douglas, the actor who portrayed Gekko, to record a public service announcement setting the record straight, that Greed really is NOT good! Are we so used to Greed as something to be valued, that we need to be reminded of this? And, how many people do we know who believe that their worth in life is measured only by how much money they have?

I think that God wants all of His children to have just enough. God does not want us to live in utter poverty; neither does He want us to hoard an excess of assets. If I have extra blessings, I want to be generous.

There is Sloth: In a word, this is sheer laziness. God wants us to exercise our gifts, that is, to work to our potential, not just for our good, but for the good of others. I want to have the diligence and discipline to discover my gifts and to use them.

There is Wrath: In a word, this is Anger. I have known someone who was so filled with anger, that he was abusive and bigoted. I truly believe that he even hated himself. I want to be peaceful and patient with others.

There is Envy: This occurs when you resent someone for having something that you do not have. Not only are you burning up with resentment that you do not have this, you do not believe the other person should have it either. In our Western society, envy is a deep seated dissatisfaction with what we have. Advertisers prey on our sense of envy, to get us to buy things that we do not need or cannot afford. I want to be grateful for what I DO have.

There is Gluttony: This is nothing more than outright piggishness. When I am in the supermarket, I see an entire aisle devoted to soda and chips. Really?! If I find that I want something, I ask myself, do I want it, or do really need it?

There is Pride: We all probably know someone who thinks they are superior, because of their title, their wealth, their expensive car, their fancy house. This is Pride. There are those who would criticize me for being humble. Perhaps they believe that I cannot handle a showy, powerful lifestyle. But, I purposely live a humble and simple life. The world does not understand this, but God does!

Finally, there is Lust: Embedded in our culture-- in movies, in television, in advertisements--is the habit of judging women only by their looks or "sex appeal". This is so common, do we even notice it any longer? This is Lust! To judge others this way ignores a person's gifts, her intelligence, her emotions, her faith and soul. To focus only on "sex appeal", and ignore the rest of the person, leaves no room for God.

God, I pray that I may starve the monsters of Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. May I seek Modesty, generosity, moderation, diligence, patience, peace, gratitude and humility.

[Related Post: "Confronting Sin", Sept. 3, 2011"].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Hating This Life

" Jesus said, 'The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.' " [John 12: 25].

Last summer, I was on vacation with my family in a lovely little beach town. We were staying in a sweet, old-fashioned cottage, set on a picturesque harbor. The weather was fine. We went to the beach almost every day. We sunned ourselves on the cottage porch, we slep late and took naps. Really, I should have had no complaints.

And yet, one night, I cried myself to sleep! I was crying so hard, my husband woke up. He wanted to know what was wrong? I wailed, "I hate my life! There has got to be something better than this, maybe in heaven!"

I was focusing on the traumas of my past. At age 3, there was a fire in a relative's house. My parents went to inspect the damage and they took me with them. In the room where the fire had been, they told me, "See? No fire!" I was horrified at the smell of smoke and the dark smudges of ash on the wall. I still hate the smell of smoke.

Then, at age 4, I almost drowned in a neighbor's pool. As I sank, I thought, 'This is what it feels like to drown.' My mother pulled me out, choking and gasping. At age 5, I began kindergarten.  Already, I had the signs of trauma. I remember being afraid of everyone.

This was so, because I had no one in my young life to nurture me. I had trained myself to get out of diapers at age 2, tried to teach myself to read at age 4, put myself down for naps at age 5. No one in my family ever hugged me or said, 'I love you.'  My mother was loving one minute, harsh the next.  When I was 6, I came home one day and the family dog was gone. My mother had given the dog away. I remember asking myself, 'What kind of mother did I get?'

I was called ugly on a daily basis. Sometimes, I was hit. Outside in the neighborhood, the kids would taunt and bully me. I had no friends.

At age 7, I was diagnosed with a chronic lung disease. At age 10, my beloved  grandfather died. He was the only person I was close to at all. That was the year that I stopped speaking.

In the family, there was alcoholism, suicide, depression, abuse of all kinds. I went on to college, then to graduate school. In grad school, I became the victim of a violent crime. I almost died that day. My family left me in that university town to cope alone. Strangers helped me.

I did get married: a triumph. I am a mother: another triumph! I was not supposed to be able to do these things!

But, these layers of trauma and crisis and abuse tend to become cumulative. In the last five years or so, I have lost my father, my mother, my best friend, and my mother-in-law whom I loved. Other relatives are growing frail and ill, and I fear losing them as well. Each and every loss triggers painful memories of every past loss.

Is it any wonder why I cried out, "I hate my life!" ?

I have asked God so many times, 'Why does one person have to endure so much, lose so much, suffer so much?' I confess that I often fall into despair that these abuses and traumas have happened to me at all. This is where 'hating my life' comes into the picture.

The very next day, after I cried myself to sleep, I went to Mass in the tiny little chapel in the beach town where we were visiting. And what do you think the reading was for that day? Yes! "The man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."  I had to believe that, since I had cried out to God the previous night, the very next morning, He had an answer for me!

My first thought was, Ok, so I am not supposed to like abuse, the death of family and friends, suicide, alcoholism, bullying, violence against me, family neglect, serious illness, etc.  If I did love these things about life in this world, wouldn't something be wrong with me? Put another way, then I would love all that is wrong with the world; this is not exactly the way to draw close to God and Jesus.


Several years ago, I was counseled to pray the Serenity Prayer every day. Does it work? I do not think you get instaneous results from this. Acceptance, leading to Serenity, is a process. I confess that there are parts of this prayer that I still strongly resist; such as, "Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it." I still have some work to do on acceptance and finally to reaching peace.

I am trying to tell myself that hating all that is wrong with this world simply means that I am longing for something much better. It means that I am longing for God and for His Son! You can hate all the sad, tragic and traumatic things of this world, but also love life. . . .


And, I do love life -- or I would not have fought so hard for all that is good in life. Where there was hate in my life as a child, I countered that with love, or I simply walked away. Where there was strife or even violence, I demonstrated peace and gentleness. I went to the light and left the darkness behind.

I once told someone that I have led a blessed life. When I said this, the person cried.  After all that I have been through, how could I say that? I say that because I have been saved so many times, by my faith in One more perfect, more sacred, more powerful that I could ever be.

Another time, I told someone, "The only thing that we have in life is each other." The person I was talking to looked stunned.

I had been feeling that yes, Heaven is way better than this life can ever be, but it is an awfully long time to wait for it-- a lifetime, in essence. I say, 'All we have is each other', because we create a bit of Heaven on earth every time we treat each other with deep love.

You could see my life as a testament to loneliness and abuse. Or you could see my life as a testament to the human spirit, one that sees life as oh-so- precious! I do not see the fact that I have this life at all, as inevitable. Nor do I see the love that we have for one another as inevitable. These are great gifts, to be treasured.

I have pondered these things for a long time now. I am starting to see that I lost so much-- a childhood, a sense of security and self-worth, any feeling of being loved and accepted.  But today, I can tell the world all that they have gained with God and with believing in His Son. I believe now that this is the true meaning of John: 12!

God, I have lost the world, but I have gained You! And that is more precious than anything in this life!

[Related Posts: "Seeking Happiness", January 26, 2012]

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.