The Road To Cavalry

" The great crowd that had come for the feast heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting: 'Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!' ". [John 12: 12-13].

"Many spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields." [Mark 11:8].

The place where Jesus was crucified was called Cavalry. It was on a small hill overlooking the gate to Jerusalem, the place to where Jesus marched, on the day we now call Palm Sunday. The hill was in the shape of a skullhead, and also called Golgotha, or "Place of the Skull".

I can only imagine the feelings of Jesus, as He made the long walk to Jerusalem, and to Cavalry where He died. Perhaps He had a sense of dread, as is apparent in the Garden of Gethsemene after His arrival. He says to the disciples, " 'Sit here while I pray.' He began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.' He fell to the ground and prayed. 'Father, everything is possible for you. Yet not what I will but what you will.' " [ Mark 14: 32-35].

I went to Palm Sunday Mass today. We went into the great church hall to hear the First Reading and to witness the blessing of the palms. Then, we each took a palm frond, and like the crowds accompanying Jesus into Jerusalem, we marched into the church.

I admit that I squirm at the feeling of dread that comes with Palm Sunday. Everyone knows to what end Jesus comes. How can it be good? The ancient Greeks sacrificed animals to appease the gods. How could we accept the greatest sacrifice of all, the Crucifixion of God's only Son?

What sacrifice would you make for Love? I grew up in a home that was dysfunctional and abusive. A few times during those years, I thought that God had forgotten about me. Like Jesus, I wanted to cry, "My God, why have You [abandoned] forsaken me?" [Mark 15: 34].

Yet, I did not get angry or lash out. I did not become rebellious, or run away. Instead, I tried to listen in church and I tried to emulate Jesus' ways : Truth, Light, Peace, Love, Humility. As in Isaiah, "The Lord wakened me morning by morning, wakened my ear to listen like one being taught. He has opened my ears and I did not become rebellious; I have not drawn back. I offered my back to those who beat me, I did not hide my face. I set my face like flint." [Isaiah 50: 4-7].

Of course, I was a mere child then, and I could not escape, although so often, I had fantasies of being rescued.

Many, many years later, after my father died suddenly, I took my mother back. She lived in an assisted community, but day after day, she came to my house, and blasphemed Catholics, and criticized my (Catholic) husband to my face. I dreaded this time in her life, when I had to care for her. But honestly, there was no one else. I am the only daugher. All other relatives were far away or frail themselves. I said nothing when she went about these speeches. I simply took care of her, the best way I knew how.

Friends, relatives, neighbors, thought I was a fool to care for her. My mother had always been mercurial-- cooperative and soft-spoken one minute, cruel and rejecting the next.

Christians speak of the dread that comes from being called to The Road To Cavalry. We see what we are called to do, we know the sacrifices that will be required, and the dreaded end; but, we cannot run from the calling that God puts upon us.

Not long after I took my mother back, I felt so overwhelmed that I sought spiritual guidance. That conversation led to my decision to explore conversion. I knew that I could not make the sacrifices required to care for my mother, without becoming closer to God.

My conversion was one of the hardest things I have ever undergone, because as I was undergoing conversion, I was subjected to the frequent commentary of my mother, who was rejecting Christians as weak hypocrites who were gullible and foolish!

And yet, I could only respond to the pain of my past by exhibiting Love. The answer for me has never been- can never be-- to hate back! I wanted to love back; I did not want to sin back, to become the sin-hater who slowly becomes the sinner.

A few months after my mother came to live near me, my best friend died of cancer. She had been battling this terrible illness for two years. Out of the sacrifice I had made to care for my mother came my conversion. Out of my conversion came the incredible gift of being able to receive the Eucharist at my friend's funeral.

Out of dying to self, forgetting and forgiving past pain, and humbling myself to serve the one who had pained me so deeply -- came the ultimate redemption, the gift of the Eucharist!

About a year after my conversion and my friend's death, my mother died. The day after her funeral, I walked into my church for Mass. Yes! I had a church now! I could call myself Christian. The pastors were there to greet me. A woman I know only slightly sat next to me and held my hand throughout the entire Mass. I sobbed. Choir members hugged me after Mass.

Jesus' sacrifice is a huge testament to Love. The way to honor that, and to thank Him for that, is to become the most gentle and loving Christ-follower we can be. This kind of Love is not easy. It is sometimes The Road to Cavalry, a road filled with dread.

Jesus, in emulating Your ultimate sacrifice, I die to self, and receive Your sacred Redemption.

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