Where is My Flock?

" I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and they know me-- just as the Father knows me and I know the Father-- and I lay my life down for the sheep." [ John 10: 14-15].

Today is known as Good Shepherd Sunday. On this day, we celebrate Jesus' role as the shepherd of His Flock. I have seen beautiful paintings of Jesus in his shepherd's robe, cradling a lamb in His arms. I love this image of Jesus. In times when I feel vulnerable and alone, I meditate on this image. Then I feel loved and protected. I feel as if I belong to Someone and Something. I belong to His flock. I belong to God and to Jesus, and they love me.

It was not always this way. My mother was complex and mercurial; she was a wounded soul. One moment, she was gentle and nurturing. At other times, I would come home from school, not knowing "which mother" to expect.

My father did not seem to know how to observe boundaries. A sibling called me ugly every day and sometimes hit me. I was told, when I cried, that I was "too sensitive". No one objected to my being called ugly everyday, so I concluded that I AM ugly.

There was no refuge in my neighborhood. That sibling, who taunted me with ugly names, encouraged the neighborhood kids to taunt me as well. I had no trusted friends, no one I could confide in.

That feeling of not being safe, I carried into school with me. I refused to raise my hand even if I knew the answer. If I did call out the answer, the classmates taunted me for being "too smart".

My beloved grandfather died when I was ten. Other relatives lived in another state; some even lived out of the country.


I became like the Flying Dutchman, a ship brighly lit with lingering traumas, sailing endlessly alone, unable to find a safe port.

My mantra became, "Trust no one." This mantra appears in today's Psalm No. 118: 8-9 : " It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust [even] princes."

And yet, even though I decided not to trust humans, it is humans who have saved me! And I truly believe that they were sent by God to help me to trust in humanity again; and ultimately to trust in God again!

There was the Jewish teacher in first grade, who invited me after school to decorate the classroom for Christmas. I felt like a princess. I felt needed. I was not so invisible any longer.

In my adult life, there was the pastor who took the time to say hello and learn my name. He wondered why I never went up for Communion. That hello was the start of my Conversion. Gradually, I was able to trust enough to commit to a church.

With a church, I belong to Someone and Something. I belong to a parish. I am a follower of Jesus. I belong to God.

How lonely so many of us are today! Relatives live far away. E-mail and Social Media help us to maintain contact. But when we are in front of a computer or a tablet, tapping out messages, we are, ultimately, still alone. We are not hearing the breath of another next to us. Or sharing a Meal of Communion.

We are part of a Flock for a reason. It is not just because we need God. He knows that we need each other as well!

I recently read an article in the Wall Street Journal [February 18-19, 2012] entitled "Religion For Everyone", by Alain De Botton. The author argues that we should build a community place, sort of a "secular church" where people of all races and economic backgrounds can come together to share a meal and "go deeper" in our conversations, to talk about regret, fear, forgiveness, compassion and love.


Has it come to that, that we are talking about building "secular churches"? Have we forgotten who Jesus was and what he stood for? What we do not need is more secularity. What the world does need more of is--- the Sacred.

Church and religion are more than merely flocking together. We also need to stand for something. This does not always have to mean energetic social activism. It can begin with simply coming together every Sunday in search of the Fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. These are the best parts of daily life; these are the positive things that we all seek, the priceless fruits that Jesus embodied. These are the Reason why we come together as a church, as a Flock and as a Faith.


God, You have sent Jesus to be our Good Shepherd. I pray that I may always remain part of Your Flock, where I may partake fully of Your Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.

[Related Posting: "His Flock", May 16, 2011.]

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.