My Lent

"Then Jesus was led into the desert by the Spirit to be tempted by the devil." [Matthew 4:1]

Jesus went into the desert to fulfill God's plan for him to resist Satan and his temptations. It was only after Jesus was baptized, and emerged from the desert victorious against Satan, that Jesus could truly be said to have launched his ministry.

How many times are we led into a dark place and we cry out, "God, I do not want to be here!" ? We cannot believe how much despair we must endure, how difficult it is to find our way out of the maze we find ourselves in.

Feeling weak and lost, we are prey to our worst tendencies:  the temptation to speak hurtfully, to harbor anger, to blame God and turn from Him, to lose ourselves in drinking too much or spending too much or in the false sense of hope in our own power.

Sometimes it feels like God is testing me too. . .

Several years ago, during Lent , my best friend's cancer came back after almost a year of treatment. A couple of weeks later, my father died suddenly and my life changed utterly. This was my Lent.

The following Lent, my frail mother had come to live with me. Suddenly after a lifetime of misunderstandings and hurt, she became my responsibility. Then, my best friend lost her long battle with cancer. This was my Lent.

The Lent after that, my mother died. Suddenly, I actually missed the care I gave her, the care that used to feel like such a burden. This was my Lent.

This year, I am seeking to understand all that has happened to me in my life. I am trying to transform the hurts and traumas into blessings, for both myself and others.

Lent is reflective time, spent in a dark place, not usually a time or place of our own choosing. I have a hard time accepting that it is all part of God's plan for us. Certainly, He does not inflict these wounds ON us.

But if He sees that we face our crises, our dark times with prayer, with humility, with always seeking Him and always straining to follow the Spirit leading us out of the desert, yes, I guess He does have a plan for us.

I have emerged from my deserts stronger, and in a way victorious, as well. During my Lent's, I have chosen a church, received Holy Communion for the first time in decades; I have meditated and prayed my way through many painful memories; I have lit candles, and striven mightily to forgive those who have mistreated me.

I have become Wiser. Stronger. More Humble. More dependent on God than ever.

What is YOUR Lent?

God, as I traverse the desert, in the company of the Spirit, may I always know that in the end, You have a plan for my victory!

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