Knowing You

"Jesus had to go through Samaria, to a town called Sychar. A Samaritan woman came to draw water at the well. Jesus told her, 'Go, call your husband and come back.' 'I have no husband', she replied. Jesus said to her, 'You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands and the man you now have is not your husband.' . . . .The woman left her water jar and went back to the town and said to the people, 'Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ? " [John 4: 1-29].

When I was a child, I longed for someone to know me, to understand me, to provide what I needed.

If I was tired, I was told that no, I was not tired and I did not need a nap. So I would put myself down for naps.  I was five years old at the time! If I was cold, I was told that I was not cold and I was forbidden to fetch a sweater. If I was hot, I was told that it was not hot, and I was denied a fan to keep me cool enough to sleep. If I did not like dinner, I was told that I WOULD like it and if I did not eat it, there would be nothing else. Not even a piece of bread and butter.

After awhile, I stopped asking for things. I stopped speaking. I gave up on humans. Physically and emotionally, I "disappeared".

But the key point here is that GOD never gave up on ME. For He knew me!

This reminds me of one of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 139: "O lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord. . . . Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain".

God-- and Jesus-- know me so thoroughly, it is too thrilling for me to fathom.

Like the Samaritan woman at the well, we thirst for Someone to see us as we really are.  How we thirst for someone to truly know us! To see through us, to our innermost needs and spirit! To me, this at first seemed a bit spooky. But, in the end, I realize that it is the Total Love I never knew.

I do not mind that God also sees all my faults, all my mistakes, all my doubts and failures. What a huge RELIEF that I do not have to hide or dissemble or pretend. Masks, walls of defenses, and false pretenses do not work with God or Jesus. 

Not only do they not work, they are not necessary. We do not need to explain ourselves to God. He knows us completely. He knows fully what is in our hearts.

When I enter my church, my Walls come down. Tears well up, because all of the stress and the extreme effort that I put into maintaining a safe exterior immediately melt away. They are tears of joy. With God, I am my pure Self.

With God, I am like a Porous Veil. I seek God and He knows me. He knows what is on my mind before I even have to utter a word.

Lord, I long for you to know me in my inmost heart. I thirst to give and receive your love, Jesus, with an open and pure heart.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved.