A Gift

"Lifting up his eyes to heaven, Jesus prayed, saying, 'I pray not only for these [apostles] but also for those who will believe in me through their word. . . . Father, they are your gift to me.' " [John 17: 20-16].

I think of all the Gifts that God has given to me:  my very life, every breath, my beautiful home on a leafy, suburban street, my devoted spouse who calls himself "my anchor"; the fact that I have plenty to eat, a clear mind, a good education, clean water to drink. I could go on and on.

Then, I think back to my past life when I was a child:  how, if I did not like the dinner that was given to me, I went to bed  hungry; the various abuses: emotional abuses such as threats of being disowned, verbal abuse such as being called a failure, physical abuse such as being hit if I did not walk away peaceably and in time, medical nelgect, abandonment when I was in desperate times.

How have I come so far? I know in my heart that it is God who has made all the difference. God has been a great Gift in my life. I have listened and obeyed, and He has brought me faith, hope, love, mercy, patience.

I suppose I could have turned away from God and Jesus. I could have blamed God for my early and painful experiences.

I could have become so angry over the reality that my life was not physically safe and secure, let alone nurturing, that I refused to let God and Jesus into my heart, where they belong.

I could have been so deeply buried in my pain that I was unable to see Their presence in my life.

In truth, I had no humans on my side, no mother who could nurture me, no father who could love me appropriately, no brother who could respect me, no relatives who could see the abuse and end it, no neighbors that my family was close to who could rescue me. When you have no human beings on your side, you have God and Jesus as your friends, as your family.

The fact that despite all this neglect, abuse, pain and suffering, I was able to see God and to accept His love, to recognize Jesus and attempt to emulate Him -- is nothing short of a miracle.

Besides, at an elemental level, I could not afford to turn away from God, from Jesus -- despite all my pain, despite any resentment at how my life turned out, despite my moments of despair or my feelings of worthlessness. If I wanted to survive, I had to turn towards God and His Son -- not away-- to reach out for their love.

Then we come to this Reading. In this Scripture, Jesus prays for His apostles AND for all who will believe. In other words, He prays for US!

Not only that, Jesus says that His apostles -- and by extension, all those who believe in Him -- are gifts from the Father!

Jesus says, "Father, they are Your gift to me!" WE are that precious in the eyes of God and His Son!

We are the gift to Jesus because Jesus needs us, as His friends to carry on His Word, and His love. And as gifts to Jesus, we are the saving grace for each other.  I truly believe that God has brought me many people in my life who have rescued me. The teacher who invited me to stay after school to help decorate the classroom and who, by this simple act, showed me that I mattered. The man who became my husband, who saw the value in me, despite al of my pain. The doctor who recognized that my troubles were a lot deeper than my physical ailments and who insisted on helping me. Those in my parish who have encouraged me, prayed with me and for me, believed in me. In short, I have been the recipient of much love.

God, through Your power, and through the love of Your Son,  I have been saved. I pray that I can recognize how precious I am in Your eyes as well!

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