Saturday, October 15, 2011

Give to God What is God's

" The Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap Jesus in his words. 'Teacher', they said, 'we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?' . . . . Jesus said to them, 'Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's.' " [Matthew 22: 15-21].

Jesus was in fact trapped here. If he said that Caesar's power should be recognized by the payment of tax, Jesus would be accused of forgetting God. If Jesus said He recognized only God's power, he could be accused of treason against Rome.  How to unwind this trap?

I grew up in what was ostensibly a Christian household. Yes, we attended church. We called ourselves "Episcopalian". But, even as a small girl, I gradually came to see that this label "Episcopalian" was what we DID on Sunday mornings and not who we were inside.

My Episcopal church gave Communion on one Sunday per month. It was called "Communion Sunday". We tended to skip those Sundays. My mother thought that Communion was unsanitary: all those people touching hands to receive the host, and drinking from the same cup. Communion was a practical exercise for her,  one she did not want any part of. It was not imbued with any meaning in her mind.

And yet, almost every Sunday, I heard about the central role of Communion in the Christian church.

My family would make remarks about the families who attended church regularly and actually believed "that stuff". I would hear that those who are in church more often are less capable of getting through life. Or that regular churchgoers are even hypocrites, because they are the ones who are the worst sinners.

And yet, I heard in church that Jesus died for us ALL, to save us from sin.

I would hear talk in my family about "those people", persons with a different nationality or color of skin.

And yet, as a child, I learned a song that says, "Jesus loves me, yes I know." I thought that meant, "All are welcome." Or so the hymn goes, anyway.

I would hear at home, "You have to take care of yourself first!" But in church, I heard, "It is better to give than to receive."

As you would expect --we stopped going to church right after I had received my First Communion and I had become Confirmed. I asked to keep going to church, but I was told, "We already did that." Going to church was a rite of passage, and I had already "graduated" from church. Continuing to attend church made about as much sense to my family as would returning me to high school ad infinitem, even after graduation.

As you can imagine, when I reached my teens, I was pretty confused about my faith and the role of God in my life. I thought at times that I had to choose between my parents and God! But I wanted both, I needed both. And YET -- deep inside my heart, I could recognize that my parents were wrong!

So I took my faith underground. In my family, it was unacceptable to go to church or put one's faith in God for things that I was too human to accomplish myself. So I simply stopped talking about these ideas. That does not mean that my faith went away. It simply went dormant. There were times that I wondered if my parents were right, that maybe there IS no God. But I could not bring myself to believe that.

As a young adult, if I went home for a holiday, I instinctively hid my gold cross under my collar. If my family came over to my place, I hid my Bible upstairs. I did not try to attack them for their lack of faith. I knew it would do no good. Some family members even told me point blank, "Church is a waste of time and money." How can a child fight that?

So, throughout my life, I "paid to Caesar what was owed to Caesar". I did not disrespect my parents about their faith or lack thereof. I tried as hard as I could to "honor thy father and thy mother".

I did not become them. Neither did I abandon them. When my father died abruptly a few years ago, I took my mother back. She had to go into assisted living in her last years, but I saw her almost every day. We were diametrically opposed about faith until the end of her life. She would say to me, "You do not NEED to go to church." I would gently correct her, "I cannot take care of you the way that I do without it." She never had any idea how much faith and trust in God it took to bring her back into my life and become her caregiver.

My whole life, I walked this narrow tightrope. Trying to respect my parents but striving mightily to give to God what is God's -- my faith and trust in Him, my spirit, my gifts, my soul! Some have told me that I have a steely bond with God. Given my family of origin, I have had to keep my eye fixed upon Him or I would have become totally lost.

Impossible, you say! How could you have made those distinctions as a child? But this kind of walk IS the Christian walk. It is extremely difficult. It is painful and scary. It is confusing at times, and even uncomfortable. But it is right.


Think about your own situation. Maybe you have spiritual longings, but you are in a family of little faith. Maybe you live in a place with few churches, or even in a country where religion is restricted. How do you respect your current "regime" but also remain true to the God inside you?

Iwould say, in the end, honoring those boundaries is what can make the difference between being an ordinary human being, and someone who is truly great. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "If I am stopped, this movement will not stop, because this movement IS God!" Why is he one of our greatest heroes? Because he stood up to "Caesar" and said, No more. Kill me if you have to, but I speak God's Truth.

Where is the line between God and Caesar? You may not realize it, but we walk this line every day, moment by moment.  The line is in the mother telling her children, 'No, you will not watch that violent movie.' It is in your decision to fast from meat during Lent even if your friends are going out for hamburgers. It is in an employee refusing to sell a product that he finds distasteful or immoral. It is in celebrating Sundays as Family Day, even if everyone else is shopping at the mall. It is in giving God your honor, your time, your conviction.

God, I live in this world, but I belong to You! I pray to always keep You in my sight, in my heart and in my life.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved.

No comments:

Post a Comment