Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Ready For God

Jesus tells the following parable: " The kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight, the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!' Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.' 'No,' they replied, ' there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to market and buy some for yourselves.' The virgins who were ready went in with [the bridegroom] to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut. Later the others also came. 'Sir, Sir', they said, 'Open the door for us!' But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I do not know you.' Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know the day or the hour." [Matthew 25: 1- 14].

This parable purports to tell what the kingdom of heaven is like.  In this story, Jesus admonishes the careless maidens, "Stay awake!" By this truth, we are to learn that, when it comes to God's kingdom,  we must be prepared.

Christians believe that we are called to be followers of Christ. We believe that in this life, we must also be awake to, and responsive to, the call of God upon us here on earth. This means working hard to utilize our gifts for the benefit of others around us.  Christians also believe that, in the next life, we can follow Christ to Heaven, if we diligently seek to emulate Him. We also believe that Christ will one day come again.

That is a lot to be ready for!

I have to confess that for most of my life I was absolutely not ready. My parents took me to church, but we attended church only because it was the Right Thing To Do. My parents wanted us to be around the Right Kind of People, I think for social reasons. But attending church was not out of any faith-filled impulse, or deep desire to follow Christ, or to know God more deeply.

Just as our family roots in the church were shallow, in the same way, our roots in faith were flimsy and temporal. After I was Confirmed at age 13 and my grandmother died abruptly when I was 14, we just as abruptly stopped going to church.

All I heard growing up was criticism of people of faith. 'Churchgoers are hypocritical sinners', I was told. 'They need God more, because they are a lot less capable of taking care of themselves.'  Or --'All churches want is your money', I was told, 'and the church does not "give" anything in return' --(as if church were a financial quid pro quo!) In my mind, I was conditioned to believe that Christians were greater sinners than most, desperate for a panacea, and ultimately, losers.

As I got farther and farther from church, and from other Christians, and from my faith, I began to deeply doubt. I doubted the whole rational for church. I doubted why I would need God. I doubted if God was even there?

I come from a deeply dysfunctional family. No one taught me how to pray. I sort of raised myself, putting myself down for naps if no one else would, eating more food in the school cafeteria if I was not fed enough at home. I was raised to believe that God is not necessary, or maybe not even real, so therefore, you take care of your own needs. It all seemed sort of overwhelming to me, since I had no responsible adults in my life, and I did not even know that God was there for me whenever I needed Him. It did not occur to me that even if I was abandoned by humans, I was not alone.

And so when I left home at 18 to go to college, and then went even farther away for graduate school, I was totally unprepared for life! I did not trust others to help me and I did not have God in my life either.

My course of study in graduate school was dictated by, and paid for, by my parents. I found myself at the end of the first semester falling into despair. I was not utilizing my natural gifts, I was wedged into
someone else's conception of who I was.

One night, I was studying late into the night for exams. I took a break from my studies and reflected. Here I was, studying for a profession I had no interest in, alone in a far away city and all I felt was alone and misunderstood. Who was I? And what was I doing there, working so hard for something I hated ?

Then the most incredible thing happened. I had not at all conceived of my feelings of despair as a kind of prayer. But God must have heard me, because suddenly I felt the most strong, peaceful, vibrant Presence around me. It was a quietude that filled the room.

But I was confused and scared. I had never felt anything like this. I admit that I was sipping a bit of beer to calm myself down, so I could sleep before my exam the next morning. Was I punchy?  Was I so totally stressed that I was having a hallucination? Was I going crazy? I was kind of spooked by the whole thing, so I decided not to tell anyone. Then, as the years went by, I forgot all about it. You could even say that I repressed it.

Recently, the memory of this mystical event came back to me. Today, I fully believe that God was present at that moment, showing me something akin to "Be still and know that I am". But I was so ignorant, so totally removed from a life of faith, that I did not even recognize God when He came to me, to comfort me!

So-- how does one prepare for God, and for Jesus? How will YOU recognize Him when He comes?

I am no expert, but I can tell you what I have done. Since that desperate time, I have gotten married, to a Christian man.  We attend church regularly. You could say that I am "in community" with fellow Christians. My fellow parishioners give me context and perspective. They explain things.

I also pay attention to God. Instead of God coming to me almost unbidden at my desperate time, I am reaching out to Him in prayer. I am reminded of a sweet little song that my son was taught in Bible camp. Its refrain is, "I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, He calls me friend." You cannot keep God in your life, as a friend, if you do not talk to Him, tell Him your troubles, thank Him for the blessings that you do have. So I pray regularly, every morning for 15-20 minutes in silence, and then throughout the day as things come up.

I also read Scripture. I never even owned a Bible until I was grown, married and a mother! I do not pretend to understand all of it. I am not a theologian or a Biblical scholar. To help me in delving into Scripture, I joined a Bible Study group at my church. I am still learning, still growing as a Christian!

Now, I am starting to get bolder as a Christian. I am trying to get out of survivor mode, and beginning to reach out to use my gifts in order to help others.

I am not a perfect Christian, but I am readying my lamp, to be a light to others, and to call God into my life! I pray that you will find ways to be ready for God, too, and to recognize and fully appreciate His presence in your life.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved.

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