A New Year!

" Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away . . . . .And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ' Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. [Then], He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making everything new!' " [Revelation 21: 1-5].


New Year's Eve is upon us! Soon, the pages of the calendar will turn and we will be in a New Year and a new month- - - January, 2012.

The month of January is named after the Roman god, Janus, the god of two faces. The two faces of Janus point in opposite directions, symbolizing turning away from the old and simultaneously facing what is new. A classical statue of Janus resides in the Vatican Museum.

I have to confess that I really dislike New Year's Eve. I try to treat it as I would every other day.  I resist all this pomp and celebration of ringing in the New Year. Every other month, I turn the pages of my calendar without much thought. Why should this day be any different? I think that many must feel this way. We discuss our plans for New Year's Eve as if it is an annual problem, not something to embrace. Why is that?

So many of us do not like to look back. If last year -- or any past years-- were painful or difficult, we do not want to even face those times. We want to kiss them goodbye. And yet, New Year's sort of forces us to look back, like the god Janus does, gazing over his shoulder. Maybe we fear that all those ghosts and traumas are still there to haunt us, no matter how much we would wish them away. Maybe we look back at what we have accomplished in our lives thus far and we feel guilty, as if whatever we have done is not good enough.

I have been trying to develop a healthier way of dealing with my past. This necessitates my delving into events of the past, even the painful or difficult ones. I can no longer bury my past. That does not make the past go away.

Some have criticized me for "dwelling" in my past. That kind of statement really stings me. If we do not examine and reflect upon our past, then we have no idea who we really are!  For example, some in my family preferred to bury our Irish past. So I grew up thinking something was "wrong with me" for having all those freckles and that curly hair . . . . When I found out that I really was Irish, I fel intense relief and true joy in finally knowing the Truth about myself!

You cannot be comfortable in your own skin, or know who you really are with God, if you do not know who you are, and where you came from! In other words, you must confront your past!

BUT, you do not have to live there. Jesus, reflecting upon his life here on earth, said to His disciples, "Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father! " [John 20:17]. He also said, "I am with you for only a short time and then I shall go to the One who sent me." [John 7:33]

It is like that with the past. Jesus is saying, "Do not hold onto the past". But we can learn from the past. After all, we commemorate the past with Jesus, and even absorb a tiny piece of Him, and His Spirit, each time we receive the Eucharist.

Whether we do glorify our past happiness, or whether we wish all the pain of the past away, I truly believe that it is in that moment that we are deeply desiring to be closer to God! It is when we desire Perfection, that we desire God!

So now, I think that I have finally found a healthier way to deal with the past this New Year's. When I feel anxious about the past, unwilling to give credence to all of the pain, unable to let go of the times of joy, what I am really feeling is a deep longing for God. And that longing for God is always okay.

And so, what to do with the "other face" of New Year's Eve? How to confront the future?

If I think too hard about the future, it terrifies me! I am so weak and imperfect! How can I be strong enough to accomplish all of the things I need to do; all of the things that God wants me to do?

When I was growing up, I was taught to worship human achievement. In this kind of construct of the world, there is no God, and all successes in life come from individual effort. No wonder the future terrifies me! I think of all the times of trouble that might lie ahead and I think: I can't do all this alone!!!

In Matthew 7: 25-33, Jesus teaches us, "Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life. . . Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I do not take this to mean that I am to become passive and wait for life to happen TO me. I have gifts and talents and God means me to use them. But if I sit around terrified of the future, I will become paralyzed. Then, I will accomplish nothing.

This New Year's Eve, I want to imagine the face of Janus looking back at my past, and I want to honor what I have learned from the past. I want to let go of any intense pain over the past and give those troubles to God, who has the power to wipe away every tear, and rid me of all of my crying and mourning and pain!

This New Year's Eve, I want to imagine the face of Janus looking ahead to the future and I want to contemplate the future with hope. I now know the Truth about the future: I am not alone! Because God can make all things new!

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.