Way Better Than You

" Jesus addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else. "Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee [an expert of the law], and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself: 'O God, I thank You that I am not like the rest of humanity -- greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.' But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast and prayed, 'O, God, be merciful to me a sinner.' I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted." [ Luke 18: 9-15].


I am so humble, so retiring, that at times, when I have attended an event, people have sworn that I was not even there!

The truth is, all of my humility comes from being a witness to all of the extravagant pride expressed by my family.

You see, I grew up with people who used to say the very things that the Pharisee said, in his so-called prayer.

My own mother used to repeat with pride how much she paid in taxes, and how the amount she paid was probably more than anyone else paid. Somehow, she felt that this made her a better person than all of those "losers", who did not have enough income to pay so much tax.

She used to disparage the Christians who attended church regularly. She said they were hypocrites, since they were the adulterous ones, who were having affairs behind their spouses' backs. They were the ones who disobeyed the law, but who pretended to be so holy, as they sat in the front pew at church every Sunday. She would tell me that the people who always went to church needed God more, since they were the ones so incapable of accomplishing anything on their own merits.

Then, there was my father. He thought that our English heritage made us superior to everyone else. He had nasty and vile names for every ethnic group on the planet. He judged others merely by their country of origin, not by any true knowledge of who they were as an individuals.

The more my parents insisted on elevating themselves over others, the more embarrassed I became. The more I shrank into myself.

Every night at the dinner table, I heard the litany of self-promotion, such as, "Thank God, I am not like the rest of humanity." I did not want hear any more superior pronouncements from my imperfect family. Who had appointed them the arbiters?

I used to want to stay invisible for this reason. I hated how humans judged each other. Would I be judged that way? Would I never be good enough for anyone?

Out of intense dislike for self promotion, I have become humble. I have been called unassuming, gentle, modest, quiet, self-effacing. I call myself a Nobody, a Nothing. I do not want anyone to notice me. I prefer resting in a forgotten corner.

And yet, I have come to find out that God not only notices the humble, He actually selects them as His messengers. God elevates the lowly. He praises them, glorifies them.

I have been reading lately about Moses. We think of him with as a man with a thick mane of curly hair, a dramatic figure with fiercely determined eyes and a strong grip on the rod of God.

But, in fact, Moses was a reluctant hero. When, In Exodus 3, God calls to Moses out of a burning bush that is never consumed by fire, Moses reacts in fear. Moses hides his face, "for he was afraid to look at God."

When God calls Moses to lead his people out of slavery in Egypt, Moses says, "Who am I that I should bring them out of Egypt?" ( Exodus 3: 11).

When God tells Moses to invoke His name when convincing Pharaoh to let his people go, Moses says, "But suppose [Pharaoh] does not believe me or listen to me?" (Ex. 4: 1).

Even when God gives Moses the miraculous power to turn his staff into a snake, Moses points out his limitations, saying, " I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor even now; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." (Ex. 4: 10).

Then God says, " Now go, and I will be your mouth and teach you what you are to speak", (Ex. 12).  Even then, Moses says, " O, my Lord, please send someone else!" ( Ex. 4: 13).

The humility of Moses prefigures the humble origins of the disciples, and even of Jesus Himself.

I myself have asked my pastor, 'Why would God choose ME? I am only a woman, a wife, a mother, an ordinary citizen.'

And my pastor has told me, 'So was Mary.'

And Jesus was "only a carpenter."

And the disciples were only fishermen.

God, in His infinite wisdom, can challenge us. He can promote us. He can, recognizing our humility and humble origins, choose us to prove His Divine strength, through us!

And so, now, when God calls me, I am going to try to teach myself not to say to Him, " I am afraid. Who am I to do this? Who would believe me? Pick someone else. You cannot mean that you have chosen ME. For I am a Nobody."

God makes us in His own image. We ARE somebody. We are all His messengers.

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