Feast of the Holy Family

" When the magi had departed, behold, the angel of The Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said,        'Rise, take the child and his mother, flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you. Herod is going to search for the child to destroy him.' Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed for Egypt. He stayed there until the death of Herod. When Herod had died, behold, the angel of  the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, ' Rise, take the child and his mother, and go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child's life are dead.'  He took the child and his mother to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archaelus was ruling over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go back there. And because he had been warned in a dream, he departed for the region of Galilee."  [Matthew 2:13-15, 19-23].

At this point in the biblical story of  Jesus' life, there is talk in the region that a King was born, a Son claiming parentage from God. Herod is fearing for the future of his reign. He determines to hunt down this Baby and eliminate the threat, by killing the baby Jesus.

God, acting through dreams and angels, is protecting the life of His Son. But this forces the family to flee, from Bethlehem, to Egypt, to Israel -- to Galilee.

In sacred terms, this is the Holy Family. In God's sight, this family is perfect, Holy, heaven-sent.

In a secular sense, this family is, essentially, homeless. They are refugees, because the secular world cannot accept them. The Holy Family is chased, by fear of violence, over miles. They are literally running for their lives.

At this holiday time of year, we all long for the "perfect family".

But we ourselves, and our families, are much less than perfect.

In my family, my father worked reliably for almost 40 years in the same field. But every night, he came home, and in his quiet anger and despair, he made himself sloppily drunk. His anger?- -- he took it out on me.

My mother, sensing that her family was out of control, imposed ever harsher rules. She flailed frantically, trying to impose order on her chaotic world. In her own way, she took her anger out on her kids, as well, by insisting that they be perfect. Her perfectly rational rules became perfectly cruel.

I grew up isolated and alone. I thought I was the only one undergoing such suffering in the world.

After I left home and got an education; after I married, and became a mother; I began to lift my head out of my own field of traumas. I began to hear others' stories.

I had long thought that if anyone else dared to tell me their story, their story would somehow denigrate my own sufferings. I thought that mine was the worst story ever told. No one else could be in as much pain as I was.

It was a wise woman who told me that you cannot compare pain. For better or worse, our pain is OURS. We own it.

I look around me, and I see a woman who lost her long battle with cancer. She died way too young, leaving behind a young family.

I see another woman who, as a girl, was abused. She went on to marry an abusive man.

I see another woman who was abused by a sibling. She was the only one who was not in tears when the sibling died.

I think of the Lost Boys of Sudan. They had loving families, unlike mine. And yet, after they lost their families to war and violence, the boys faced a sea of traumas, charging antelopes, raging lions , militia with guns, and famine: atrocities that I never faced.

I am so very grateful for the family that I now have:  my husband and my son. But sometimes I wonder--is this family "good enough"?  I mean, none of us is related to each other biologically. I sometimes fear that my family is " patched together" like a crazy quilt. Is my family only second best?

What IS a good-enough family?

Consider the story of Davion Navar Henry Only, 15 years old, who was born in a Florida prison. He has no biological parents left. Unwilling to wait any longer to be adopted, he stood up in his church, wearing a black suit and holding a Bible-- and he asked for a family. He said, "I know God hasn't given up on me. So I'm not giving up either."  He received over 10,000 responses! Is THAT good enough?

Or, consider Jackie Turner, a teen from California, who placed an ad on Craigslist, asking to 'rent' a mom and dad for the holidays-- for $8. Jackie had been in the foster care system all her life, and had been starved and beaten by her foster parents. After placing the Craigslist ad, she held a program at her church where several teens were matched with honorary families. Jackie said, "This season is all about Love."

I am beginning to see that having a family is not all about being biologically related. After all, Mary was not related by blood to Joseph. Nor was Joseph related by blood to Jesus. And Jesus' father was God.

Family is about whom you love, and about who loves you. As Paul says in Colossians 3: 12-21, "Brothers and sisters,-- put on, as God's chosen ones, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. And over all these, put on Love, that is, the bond of perfection."

If Jackie Turner and Davion Navar Henry Only could stand up for Love, no matter what anyone else thought of them, so can YOU!

If Jesus stood against the rulers in Rome, who did not believe in Him and who feared Him so much, they wanted to kill Him, you TOO can stand up for Love. You can ask for Love. You can demand it in our world.

For all the beauty of the Holy Family, standing up for Love is the least that we can do!

[Related Posting: " My Imperfect Christmas", December 20, 2103].

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