My Imperfect Christmas

" Now the birth of Jesus took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they had lived together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband, Joseph, being a righteous man, and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to quietly divorce her. But just when he resolved to do this, an angel of The Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, 'Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to call him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins '. .  . . When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of The Lord commanded him; he took her as his wife. She bore a son and he named him Jesus." [Matthew 1: 18-25].

Christmas is not as joyous as it could be for me. Every year, I am afraid that I am not going to be ready for Christmas. I tell my family, "Stay out of my way, and don't ask me to do anything extra . I am the one who makes Christmas happen!"

I listen to myself, and what I hear is a frazzled self -- anxious, frustrated, irritated, maybe even a little angry, because, it seems that every year, Christmas has fallen on my shoulders.

I am anxious about the decorations. Is our wreath maybe a little too tired looking? Should we put up little white lights on the outdoor trees, to match the little white lights on the pre-lit wreaths? And what did ever happen to the grapevine reindeer that I thought I had in the attic?

I worry that the candles on my table will be crooked, and that my relative, who thinks she is Martha Stewart, will point out my obvious flaws.

I wonder, if I make a gourmet meal all from scratch, will anyone notice or care if the desserts are bought at a bakery? And what if I served a cheesecake for dessert, and no one wanted to eat it?

I feel sort of sorry for myself, because my parents are gone, my only sibling travels for holidays and my aunts, uncles and cousins live far away. Really, I HAVE no family, except for my borrowed one, in my husband's family.

I totally resent anything interfering with my Christmas plans, including inconvenient winter illnesses, my computer hard-drive crashing, or the invariable mega-snow storm that delays my holiday planning.

Then, I re-read the True Christmas story, and I think -- I must be crazy!

I do not have the perfect family. But Mary and Joseph did not exactly make the "perfect family"
either --- not in the secular sense. Joseph was a lowly carpenter, not at all "high society".  Mary was a young girl of about 14, probably illiterate, pregnant before Joseph married her.

Joseph wanted to quietly walk away from this 'problem'. But God intervened and talked Joseph out of his plans to exit this situation.

I used to bemoan the fact that all I have now is my own nuclear family, cobbled together over the years. But Mary and Joseph are not biologically related. There is no mention at all in the Bible of Joseph's father or siblings. And Jesus is, essentially, "adopted."

I am embarrassed about the violence in my past, and have a hard time accepting that I was meant to be born into this crazy world. But Jesus was born at a time when King Herod was out to find Him and kill Him, all for the rumor that Jesus was preordained to be the one True King. Jesus's birth was, literally, marked by violence.

I worry about whether my home and my decorations will be good enough for friends and extended family to visit. But Joseph and Mary had no place to stay in Bethlehem. They rested in a manger, where Jesus was born among the lowly cattle and sheep.

I may feel deprived that I have only my husband and son, but the fact is --- Mary and Joseph and Jesus are the most miraculous and holy family of three, ever to be created by God, and united as one!

Joseph and Mary and Jesus made the lowly manger the most sacred place associated with Christmas, for all year, and for all time.

I may worry about whether I have found the perfect gifts for friends and family. But I need to keep repeating to myself that it is JESUS, who is the one perfect Gift.

It is incongruous to celebrate the humble beginnings of Joseph, Mary and Jesus; and then go about putting ourselves into a frenzy, vainly trying to create an extravagant tableau for our own Christmas.

 By today's secular standards, the conditions surrounding Jesus' birth may seem like one awful, irrational "mistake."

I am learning that when things do not go perfectly, that is when an opening occurs, for God to enter.

This Christmas, I want to celebrate that the humblest events are truly the most joyous, the most holy, the most glory-filled, and the most miraculous of events EVER witnessed on earth.

May the workings of the Spirit this Christmas, in ways mysterious and unexpected, become your most miraculous moments this year.

[Related Posting: " Christmas In My Heart",  December 14, 2011]

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