Monday, November 30, 2015

Anticipation



"Jesus said to His disciples: 'There will be signs in the sun, the moon and the stars, and on earth nations will be in dismay. . . Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy from carousing and drunkenness and the anxieties of daily life, and that day catch you by surprise like a trap. For, that day will assault everyone who lives on the face of the earth. Be vigilant at all times and pray that you have the strength to escape the tribulations that are imminent and to stand before the Son of Man.' " --[Luke 21: 25-28, 34-36].


"We can never know about the days to come. But, we think about them anyway. And I wonder, if I'm really with you now, Or just chasing after some finer day. Anticipation is making me late, is keeping me waiting." --Carly Simon.

We often get that wistful feeling of longing, especially around Advent.
The word Advent derives from the Latin, for "arrival".  During Advent, we wait -- perhaps longingly -- for the coming of the Christ child.

Sometimes, I think that our longing for that perfect sweater, latest technology or shiniest bauble under the Christmas tree are merely secular-- but hollow and misplaced-- replacements for what we most long for -- the unconditional Love of God through His Son . . .

Sometimes, we cannot rest in confidence and Faith about the future. We become extremely preoccupied with the "anxieties of daily life". That was my own mother. She worried whether it might unexpectedly rain that day, or if the grocery bill would be too expensive, or if my father would arrive home late from work, thereby making dinner late. She never saw the big picture, she never found her Faith. Life was a daily trap of anxiety, dismay and worry.  As soon as she got through one day, another one loomed to worry over.

Sometimes, "our hearts become drowsy from carousing and drunkenness, and the day catches us by surprise like a trap."  This was my father. After commuting to his job and working long hours, he would come home and fall asleep over his dinner plate, not so much from exhaustion, but from his drinking before, during and after dinner. I still am not sure what pain he was trying to drown.

His last day DID catch my father, like a trap. He awoke one early spring day, had a cup of coffee with my mother. Then, he fell to the floor and died instantly, from a massive heart attack.

That day was a huge surprise to all of us. For him, it was a trap. My father had not been to church, received Communion or prayed in decades. He worshipped at the altar of Materialism. Not only was he not "right with God";  he was pretty sure that there was no God.

That day DID assault everyone in the family.  It was a shock. After all, we had all believed that my father was the healthy one, and my mother the frail one.

When my brother called me to relate the news, I actually uttered an expletive. I had moved a few hours away from home, when I had married. I had built my own life with my husband and my son. I had thought that I had insulated myself from the carousing, and the anxieties of daily life, that had characterized my birth family.

But when my father passed on so abruptly, my whole, carefully constructed defenses came crumbling down, as if they were a useless tissue- paper wall.

I felt fright. I felt dismay. I felt surprise. I felt trapped. I felt assaulted. My whole life was in disarray. It was the end of an era, and I was fearful for the future.

I had to begin praying for the strength to face the tribulations to come. My own mother had betrayed me and abandoned me in the past, at a time of life and death for me.  I KNEW, though, that as she sat grieving and shocked, and terminally ill herself, that I had to become her caregiver. I would not, could not abandon her, as she had abandoned me.

At the moment that I heard about my father, I thought, 'My life is over as I know it.'  I did not believe at the time, that things would get impossibly, beautifully better for me. I saw only darkness.

 I did take my mother back. She moved near me, and I took care of her for the last 12-15 months that she had left on this earth. We had a simple, sweet relationship, at the end. She could not stop wondering aloud, at the unending, unconditional Love that I poured over her.

Since then, friends and family, who know me well, say that I have totally transformed. They say that I am more joyful. They say that I look ten years younger. They say that I speak more confidently. They say that I am born-again.

You could say that I finally know who I am, in Christ. My rebirth has come with tremendous pain, however. When we are born again, as adults, we feel all of the labor pains this time, the pains that mercifully, we cannot remember from our initial entry into this world.

St. Paul says in Romans, "We know that the whole creation has been groaning in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Even we, ourselves, groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption, the redemption of our body." --[Romans 8: 22-23].

I know what life means now. It is not about avoiding the tribulations and anxieties. It is all about leaning on God for the strength, that I may impart HIS Love. [Even when the recipient of that Love is difficult, wrong- minded and frail!]

Everyone, absolutely everyone has the promise to "stand erect, raise their heads, and know that their Redemption is at hand." -- [ Luke 21: 36].   We do not walk AROUND our trials, we walk THROUGH them, with Jesus at our side, and with the Hope of incomparable growth and rebirth!

[Related Postings: "Advent Rituals", 12/1/11; "Advent Defies Death", 12/6/12; "Advent in Song", 12/1/14. ]

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