Sunday, December 6, 2015

A Good Work In You



" Grace and peace to you, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. . . I am confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it, until the day of Jesus Christ. " --[ Philippians 1: 2-6].


These words were written by St. Paul from prison! I am amazed at the Joy that Paul expresses here, despite his dire circumstances.

Paul wrote with brutal frankness about the hardships that he faced, all in the name of Christ:  "Five times I received thirty-nine lashes, three times beaten with rods, once pelted with stones, three times shipwrecked, a night and a day in the deep sea, dangers from journeys, from rivers, from robbers, from my own countrymen, from Gentiles, in the city, in the wilderness, on the sea, among false friends; {suffering} through sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure." -[2 Corinthians 11: 25-27].

I can relate utterly to Paul who, I think, must be my patron Saint. As a child, I was betrayed by my family, who called me ugly and a failure, -- often on a daily basis, in excruciating detail. I was not fed. I was cold. I was mocked for being a believer in God, for attempting to emulate Jesus in my gentleness, my compassion and in my encounters with others.

I very nearly drowned and was pulled out by the scruff of my neck and told, "YOU can swim." I suffered black eyes, I don't even remember from where, and was told, "Stop getting black eyes. You embarrass us."

It got to a point, I began to shut down. No! --I was not always joyful no matter what my circumstances. I was in battle. I became very serious. I stopped showing emotions. Then, I stopped feeling any emotions. I stopped speaking. I barely slept. I barely ate.

People today ask me, 'Why did you stop speaking? Was it an organic response to trauma?'
But, no. It was a deliberate decision. I had given up on believing in the capacity of humanity to give Love.

I did believe in God, since my parents had taken me to church for awhile. But as a child, I knew nothing much about Him. Except that I wanted to give AND receive Love. [ And, today I know that, that impulse, that longing for Love IS God. ]

But I was growing up in an environment where they wanted me to believe that they could make or break me. For them, there was no God. With no God, there is no Love. They acted as if everything came from my family, and so, everything they gave me could be taken away. And, at times they did threaten that. . . As a small child, I had necessarily relinquished all my power to them.

Only recently have I studied Philippians and come across this Scripture. What this means to me, now, is that God has begun a GOOD work in me! what my family told me were lies. I am NOT ugly, a failure, bad, like my family wanted me to believe. I am God's daughter, even if I feel like I belong to no one else in the world.

So many nights even now, I descend into despair over feelings of worthlessness. I feel deeply flawed and defective.  But, is that the abuse talking? I am starting to see that it is God who will complete me. And so, being incomplete without God, I AM imperfect; after all,  I am only human.  At those times when all those harsh words from the past come crowding around me, about being a failure or an embarrassment, I can call out to God, praying that He will strengthen me to keep improving my inner self.

I repeat to myself the words of Psalm 27: "The Lord is the stronghold go my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"

A few years ago, when I came upon the words of Jesus, " I will not leave you an orphan",  [John 14:18], I actually broke down and cried. I had been abandoned and rejected by my family, my entire life. I had raised myself. No human being had ever said those words to me.

What follows from this declaration is something astounding to me: God will never give up on us! Even if we sometimes want to give up on ourselves.

Sometimes, I don't see God at work in my life.  This is where the Faith has to come in. There can be long periods of dryness in my life, when nothing seems to be happening. I ask, 'God? Where ARE You?"   Often, it is only later, that I recognize His work in me, from the footprints He has left behind in my Soul. But, He is always there, if sometimes unseen.

 Since I had to raise myself as a child, I spent all of my time on my own survival. As an adult, I have had to (re-)learn when to go to bed, how to dress properly for the weather, how to eat well, how to speak up.  I feel so behind on life! But, I have Hope, because God never ceases His work in completing us.

Sometimes, I also wonder if certain past experiences in my life have gone wasted? I have taken a lot of detours, in trying to find my one True path. But with God, there are no wasted experiences, just opportunities for God to work in us and through us, to hone us to completion.

 Philippians 1 tells me that God does have a plan for me, if only I am patient and wait for His guidance; whereas, my family believed that we humans have to do everything ourselves, with no God. . . The latter attitude is a prescription for despair.

And, God never starts anything He cannot finish. He cannot quit the good work that He began in us, and He will insist that we not quit. I remember when I was undergoing the Conversion process, it was all so overwhelming, I wanted to quit! But God's call was persistent and unrelenting. He would NOT leave me alone.  I even went to the priest, to say, "I QUIT"! But,  HE would not let me quit, either!

Which leads me back to St. Paul's Joy-- We are to be confident, to have Faith, that God will carry us to completion. In that sense, we need not fear what is happening to us, or in the world around us. God is in charge, and He always has the Last Word!!

"And we know that God works for the good of all those who love Him and act according to His purpose." - [Romans XXX].

Peace and joy and grace be to all of you, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!

[Related Postings; "Comfort and Joy", 12/15/14; "What is This Joy?", 10/1/14].

(c) Spiritual Devotional 2015. All Rights Reserved.






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