Wednesday, January 5, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Dear Friends:

The New Year can be a poignant time. Our friends and families have gone back to work and school. The holiday decorations have been taken down. Maybe we did not get the gifts we wanted this year.

And yet, The New Year can be a time of renewal, of new hope. Maybe this year, we tell ourselves, we really will lose that extra weight. Or, reconnect with someone we lost touch with.

Then reality sets in. Studies show that January 22 is the most depressing day of the year. Why? At that point in the New Year, the full burden of holiday debt has hit our mail box. And, we have had enough time to stare our New Year's Resolutions in the face. It becomes abundantly clear how difficult it is to keep our Resolutions. This is a time when we take a hard look at our faults and shortcomings. If we judge ourselves too harshly, all we see in the mirror is UGLY!

Recently a woman who is very dear to me asked me to support her as she embarks on some new plans for herself. She is attractive, well-dressed, well educated, talented in various ways, her kids are great successes, her home is sheer perfection. My first reaction was, How could SHE need my advice and support? She has it all together, she does not need anyone or anything, right?

My next reaction was, How could she come to ME? I realized, with all the damage I have from my traumatic past, I see myself as fractured and deformed. In my deep pain, at my worst moments, I even wonder, who would notice me? Who would want to be with me? Who would think I am valuable or have anything to offer?

But this dear woman thinks I am strong, wise, non-judgmental, nurturing.

In the end, I said yes to her request. I love her and want to help her, simple as that. I am still not sure what she sees in me, but I am willing to take that leap of faith, to at least assume that there is something valuable about me, even if I cannot see it. Otherwise, why would she ask?

There are so many barriers to our becoming closer to others. One huge obstacle is how we minimize and even denigrate ourselves.

This New Year's, I am starting to ask myself the really hard questions. No, not wallowing in "What's wrong with me?" I am asking, "If God accepts me the way I am, as a work in progress, why can't I accept myself that way?!"

If I look in the mirror and see only an unworthy mess, I am allowing the abusive rhetoric of the past to take hold and flourish. If I feel that I have no value, how can I possibly help others?

OR myself?

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved.

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