"Brothers and sisters, I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared to the glory to be revealed to us. . . . We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now; and not only that, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies." [Letter of Paul to the Romans; Romans 8: 18-23].
Recently, I was watching a cartoon with my young son. On this show, a cartoon character says in dismay, "Wake me up when my life no longer stinks!"
Don't you feel that way sometimes? We all see crises and even tragedies in our lives. We fight to keep our jobs, to pay the bills, to raise our kids responsibly in an increasingly insane world. There are business people who should have integrity, defrauding thousands of people. Tornadoes or hurricanes or tsunamis devastating entire communities.
I look at my own life: my family who had serious addictions, a suicide in the extended family, a near brush with death when I was four and almost drowned, a childhood of being bullied, a serious illness diagnosed at age 7 which was never properly treated, abuse in every form, leaving home and becoming a victim of a violent crime. For just about every year in my life, I can name a serious loss or family crisis or personal trauma .
And so when I first read this Scripture, my initial reaction was, "Are you kidding me?! All the pain, and trauma, and physical, mental and emotional abuse that I endured are "AS NOTHING?" Does anyone really think that I can ignore all that I have gone through in this life and be like Teflon, unscathed?!
And yet, lately, I detect a shift in myself. I notice that I no longer wallow in the "Who done me wrong song". Why? It is hard for me to articulate, but I have reached a point of no return, so to speak. There is so much to process and absorb, it is all too much to believe. To figure out. To understand. I cannot hold all that intense pain, from a lifetime of suffering, all in my mind at the same time.
After a lifetime of sorrow and pain, I am ready to turn my attention to something else. Yes, to imagining something so perfect that words cannot express it. I need to foresee a place that is sacred, brimming with love, permeated with peace. I need to visualize the glory of Heaven.
The other shift I see in myself is that I am ready to throw off the considerable burden of life's pain and instead put on a mantle of a fighting spirit. When I read this Scripture, I want to say, perhaps to those who have hurt me or who have not believed in me: 'Do you think that all the abuse and pain I have gone through will change me? Will these sufferings sway me from seeking God and trying my best to be humble and loving like Jesus? NO!'
St. Paul says in Romans 8: 35-38, " Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? . . . .neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!" Sometimes in the darkest of times, I follow this sentiment. I say, 'Nothing anyone can do to me will change who I am inside. I won't back down.'
I am even ready to say to the demons of my past, "I was adopted by God! HE is my Father and Mother! To Him, I owe my allegiance, not to all the sin and evil in the world. The pain of my past shall not rule me."
Yes, I do like this reading from Paul to the Romans. And I love what he said in 1Corinthians 14: 11 : "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see [God] face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully." Our true reality in the end will not be the struggling in this world. Our true reality is our eventual home with God.
What would YOU do if you lost everything, even as a child-- contemplated a mother who abandoned you, a father who abused you, a sibling who bullied you, extended family who were dead or living far away? Would you sink into despair? Would you become angry at the world?
Or would you fight? St. Paul famously said, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith." [ 2 Timothy: 4] Keeping the faith does not mean in this life that you will not have to fight, and run hard. Keeping the faith means that I believe in a purer place and a loving Creator whom I cannot see!
So I choose to rest in God, even in this life. I cannot ignore all that I go through in this life. (Neither can you, my friend.) But this life is merely a prelude, and not the End Stage. The final chapter occurs as we enter eternal rest.
God, as I face the struggles and pain of this life, I pray that I may imagine my life with You one day, in Your glory.
(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved
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