Changing Our Minds

"A man had two sons. He went to the first son and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.' 'I will not', he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?" [Matthew 28- 31]

It is said that "It is a woman's perogative to change her mind." I actually resent this saying. It makes it sound like all women are fickle, that they are too feeble to know their own minds. It also hints at a certain level of manipulativeness on the part of women. All very unflattering views of women. And very negative connotations to the notion of changing our minds.

Or, what do we say about a politician who changes his mind on hot-button issues? We say that he is "waffling". That he is flip flopping. The latter sounds like he is a fish out of water, out of his element, even on his way to certain death. It is surely the death knell to a politician's popularity if he dares to change his mind. A politician changing his mind makes him seem weak, untrustworthy, even opportunistic.

My young son thinks that adults are fully formed and that we always know-- and do-- the right thing. Then he becomes infuriated if he sees adults parking in a No Parking Zone. Or being mean to their kids. I remind him that just because I am as tall as I will ever be, I am still growing and changing on the inside. I also tell him that when you make a mistake, it is more praiseworthy to fix it than to keep repeating the mistake.

This parable in Matthew presumes that we need to change our minds! Why?! Because we are human and sometimes, it takes a few tries to get it right. I feel blessed that God is that patient with me!

Several years ago, I changed my mind in a deep and profound way. You see, I was the victim of a violent crime. I was so beaten, my own mother did not recognize me. When I fought the attacker and he did not get his way with me, he started to strangle me.  I was beginning to pass out. After the attacker mercifully left me alive but wounded, I called 911. When the police came, the officer told me that I had been within 30 seconds to a minute from death.

In the ensuing days, I was understandably in shock. But gradually over the following weeks, I realized this the attacker needed serious help. He did not need to be put to death by the state. That would be only more violence. I had almost died, I did not need to witness more death. I was in law school then and as I hung around the law school Legal Aid clinic, I came to see how shockingly often that mistakes were made in court. It was then that I changed my mind on the death penalty.  If I had been asked to testify against my attacker in a penalty phase, I would have advocated against the death penalty.

Another very impressive man who changed his mind was Robert Curley. His ten year old son Jeffrey was abducted and sexually assaulted in MA in 1997.  I have heard Robert Curley speak, and it is inspiring to hear him talk about how he fell into rage and despair after the death of his son; but how gradually, he realized that his anger and desire for revenge would not bring his son back. He went from advocating for the death penalty, to speaking out strongly against capital punishment.

How weak is it of us to find out the truth and to change our minds? Consider St. Paul, who called himself the unlikeliest of saints, who went from zealous persecutor to one of the most dedicated --and most persecuted--apostles for Christ. Or, consider John Newton. He began his young working life as the captain of a slave ship, witnessing and perpetuating the most vicious humiliation of his "cargo". He ended up a minister --and  the author of the hymn Amazing Grace!

By what amazing grace can YOU change your mind? With what courage can YOU seek the truth and dare to speak it?

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