The Last Shall Be First

" Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last, the same as I gave you. . . .Or are you envious because I am generous? So the last will be first and the first will be last." [Matthew 20: 14-16]

In this parable, Jesus tells the story of a vineyard owner who pays hired laborers, who worked for only an hour or so, the same amount as laborers who worked all day. In the business world, this would not only be unfair, it would be an outrage! Why should a man who worked only an hour be paid the same amount as a man who struggled in the heat to work all day? If a business owner really did run his business this way, there would be a riot.

But in this parable, Jesus is not speaking of the ways of this world. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." [Isaiah 55: 8].

This is a story of God's kingdom; and in His realm, even if you show up "a day late and a dollar short", as the saying goes, you are still welcome. I am someone who showed up at God's table after a lifetime of confusion; doubt in my faith; fear over declaring myself a Christian because I came from a house without faith; periods of ignoring God completely and hoping He would go away; and ultimately, decades of sitting on the fence over the issue of my faith.

Yet --God did NOT "go away"! He waited for me for most of my life. Even when I turned to Him again, only because my life had turned upside down and backwards, when I was overwhelmed and afraid and heartbroken, He welcomed me with open arms. You see, I am the laborer who arrived at the end of the day, still hoping to get paid by God's generosity, even though I was so very late. I thank God every day that He welcomed me-- despite my doubt, my fear, my considerable tardiness! He gives me the same amount of love and generosity as those who have believed in Him their whole lives.

Have you ever been last? Last in a very long line, and furious at those who are being served first? You just want them all to go away so you can sail to the head of the line. You are envious, aren't you? Have you ever been cut off  in traffic by someone with a bigger, faster, fancier car than yours? Infuriating. Have you ever been picked last for the soccer team? Humiliating.

So you know how it feels to be last. I was last my whole life-- the baby, the daughter. I was like the "hood ornament" on the car. Maybe sort of cute, but essentially irrelevant. I was basically along for the ride. If I made a suggestion, I was cut off in mid-sentence, mocked, ignored. I had no say whatsoever in the family plans, what I proposed had no credence. I was the classic baby in the family; there are not even very many photos of me in the family album.

All that changed 3-4 years ago when my father died abruptly. It was a late spring day and I was in the kitchen when the phone rang. My father had collapsed that morning. No one was able to bring him back to life. My brother said to me: "You better come over here, we have some decisions to make."

The whole drive to my parents' home, the place where I grew up, honestly, I thought, "Why is he asking ME what to do ?"

I got to the village where I grew up and I went home. I suddenly found myself in charge! My mother wanted ME to call the family attorney, her relatives, the neighbors. She and my brother looked to ME to make decisions regarding the funeral arrangements, the readings for the service, the flowers, the food to be arranged. Relatives from the old country, where my father grew up, called and wanted to know if I would still be coming home that summer to host the annual family reunion, as my father had done before me.

Clearly my father's mantle had passed --to ME! I was overwhelmed by all this attention and respect that I was suddenly receiving. I was not used to getting this much credence when I spoke. Over the years of being forgotten and neglected, I had gone quiet. I had convinced myself that I was invisible. Sometimes I wondered-- if no one seemed to notice me, did I even exist?  Why was I here?

This sudden status did not go away even after my father's funeral. I was tapped to take care of my father's estate, to devise a plan for our mother's care, to sell her house, to manage her finances. The reality of my new role started to get to me. I began to realize that I had power. This was an honor, a privilege. More than that, it was a responsibility.

I had never been first before, not in my whole life. I prayed to be able to use my power wisely, gently, humbly. I even consulted with my spiritual director. I asked, 'Is this a case of "The Last shall be First?" Can God DO that?!' The answer came. Yes, God can turn your life around completely in an instant. You can be first!

I had waited a very long time to have a place at my family's table. In the same way, I began to see that God had waited a very long time for me. And I had waited a very long time for Him. I came to my conversion fearing that God was gone. But that was not so. It's just that for so many years, I was too confused and fearful and doubtful to see that He had been there all along, waiting for me to come to His vineyard!

If you are Last, you can be first. God can see to that. If you are First, you can also be Last, sometime. Either way, it is humbling. Either way, you need God!

God, You waited patiently for me, though I strayed far.  Even if I am late in coming to your table, to your vineyard,  You lift me into your arms, You welcome me into your Kingdom.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved.