Forgiveness

" Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.. . . The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. . . .A man who owed him a huge sum was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell to his knees before him. 'Be patient with me', he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a tiny sum. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!', he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could repay the debt. Then the master called his servant in, 'You wicked servant', he said,'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' [Matthew 18: 21-32]

This parable reminds me of the time several years ago, when a young mother came to my mother for advice. The young mother asked, "How many times must I teach my child the right way, must I remind him of what to do, must I forgive him his mistakes, must I correct him and send him on his way again? Five times? Five hundred times?" Clearly this young mother was very frustrated with repeating herself to her son, so many times a day. It seemed like she was getting nowhere with him. She was irritated and even a bit angry at her child for all his young mistakes. How many times was she going to have to forgive him for his errors and start all over again with the same advice?

My mother replied, "Five hundred times. Then five hundred times again. As many times as it takes."

Forgiveness is patience. It is compassion.. the ability to see things from the other person's perspective. It is the discernment of our frailty as humans, our imperfections, our very human-ness.  In the end, it is love!

None of us is perfect. How many times have I gotten myself overtired and overwhelmed, and I have spoken angrily, to my mother, to my husband, to my son? Even to God? How many times have I begun to slip into gossip, erroneously believing that, by their sins, the other person "deserved" to be talked about? How many times have I made mistakes but begun to fall into the trap of blaming others? I think of times that I stopped speaking to good friends for some time, just because I did not like their advice. I think of times that I felt I was so overburdened that I lost myself in my work, when truly, it was more important to give my husband and son the attention they needed? How many times have I complained bitterly to God about what I do not have, rather than being deeply grateful for what I do have?

I hate myself when I sin. I want to be perfect! Maybe I need to start by forgiving myself, then picking myself up and trying again. Because, the truth is, a central part of the human condition is to make mistakes, to hurt others, whether intentionally or untentionally. If I begin by acknowledging my errors and allowing myself the humility of my mistakes, I can seek forgiveness and begin again.

For those mistakes, we all desire to be forgiven. We want to be given another chance to do better next time, without having to bear harsh consequences, without having to lose friends or be put to shame.

Recently, I went to the market to buy food for the week. In my market, there is a special line at the cashier for customers who have only a few items. I had well over the allowed 12-15 items in my cart. By mistake, I got into the express line at the market.

I was not paying attention to the sign. I was in a mental fog. My father had died a couple of years earlier, followed by my best friend, then my mother-in-law, then my mother. After so many deaths over a 2 year period, I was reeling. To make matters worse, many traumatic memories were coming back from my past. Then, my physical health had begun to suffer. Some days, I barely knew what day it was. I was a mess. I was just trying to get through each day, one day at a time.

While I was in this line, I heard another customer grumbling about how, 'Some people do not know what line they belong in.' The cashier was also making disparaging remarks about me. Once I realized my error, I flushed bright red and slunk to another line, muttering that I was having a bad day.

Where was the forgiveness? Where was the benefit of the doubt, that what line I had chosen was an error, not an intentional move to cut in front of others? I wondered, couldn't people have the empathy to realize that sometimes, those who make mistakes are undergoing a difficult time; they need compassion, not excoriation.

I get angry and in despair when others sin against me. Don't we all truly desire the mercy of others? We all want the chance to ask for patience, and to receive forgiveness. This experience made me more determined than ever to show compassion to others. I need to keep working on forgiving others, if I want a more loving world.

This Scripture says that to receive forgiveness, one must grant forgiveness. This is not some quid pro quo formula, where I will grant forgiveness only if I receive it. It is a recognition of reality: we are all frail, we all make mistakes. The only way for this  crazy world to survive is for us to show each other the compassion to forgive.

I want the world to be perfect, without sin. But, in my best moments, I can see that this, perhaps unrealistic, desire for perfection is really a deep longing for God!  If we forgive, God loves us for helping to create a loving world. And He forgives US!

God, I pray that in my human frailty, You will forgive me. Please shower Your mercy on me, even as I seek to forgive and to love others.

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2011. All Rights Reserved.







This is patience. This is forgiveness.