I Speak the Lord's Name

" The Word is near you: it is in your mouth and in your heart, that is, the Word of faith that we are proclaiming: That, if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For, it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. . . . Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." [ Romans 10: 8-13].

Those who know me from this space will remember that I stopped speaking when I was ten.

I was already in shut-down mode when I made the decision to stop speaking. Already, I was not showing any emotion; this, at my mother's behest, even at her insistence. This numbing of feeling was her "neat solution" to the daily abuse I received. She tried to teach me that if I showed no emotion, the bullying would stop.

I can tell you, that this did not work. In fact, what began next was the hitting.

In short order, I then ceased to feel emotions. Then, I stopped speaking. I barely slept. Ultimately, I stopped eating much at all.

Speaking is what distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. Speaking is what makes us human.

Sure, whales have their distinctive clicks and songs. Each species of bird has its signature songs and trills.

But it is only humans who possess the broadest range of  words, with some words bearing multiple layers of meaning and insinuation.

We humans each have a singular voice, as individual as our DNA. Our voice, our speech, is God-given. No one else in the world has a voice exactly like yours!

For one like me, who stopped speaking for a few years, this Scripture is stunning. I always thought that my belief in God had saved me all those years, had given me a sacred retreat from the cruelties, the abuse, the rejection and abandonment by my human family.

And belief -- or faith -- is what we all begin life with, arguably even before speech develops. For, it is written, ' The desire for God is written upon the human heart.' That is, we are born with faith in a Higher Power, in our hearts.

This Scripture states, "The Word is near you, it is in your heart. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified."  I used to fear that if my family stopped taking me to church, that they could thereby take my faith away. When I found out the Truth as an adult, that God has given us our Faith in our hearts and that we get to "keep" this gift, I cried tears of joy. What unspeakable generosity, from our Creator!

It is also by our hearts that we are "justified", that is, made right with God, despite our sins.

But to be a fully mature Christian, it is not enough to simply believe. We must also speak our faith and our belief!

A Wise Advisor has told me, firmly, that if I could learn to cease speaking, then I can learn TO speak again.

Sounds so simple, right? Okay, I am still working on my speaking. There is nothing wrong with my voicebox. There is nothing wrong with my brain or my logic. I can figure out what is relevant to say.

But after all those years of living in silence, I become anxious when called upon to speak. There are pauses in my sentences as I search for the right words. I get almost panicked when called upon in Bible Study to read a passage from the Bible. I sometimes do not speak up when I need to, or I interrupt when someone is talking.

But still, I speak. I make myself do it. And how I practice is by speaking of Scripture in Bible Study. I recite the Lord's Prayer at Mass. I sing the hymns. I speak God's name, never in vain; when I call out to God, I mean it. I speak of God in everyday conversation because He is there with me, always. I need never look very far for Him, because He is no farther than my own heart.

To speak God's name is to seek a relationship with Him. If I do not speak His name, talk to Him, offer my prayers up to Him, then my relationships with fellow human beings will never be right.

Our speech must begin, and end, with God!

I am trying not to censor myself any longer, in fear. For, if we speak to God, of God, about God, how can we embody anything but Love? And if we embody love, Our God is near us. Then, we will be in right relationship with others, and with God.

When I confess that Jesus is the One whom I follow, then I am saying aloud that I am devoted to His Love, His Peace, His Mercy, His Gentleness, His steadfast devotion. And this always roots me in the right place.

As I speak the Lord's name, He is saving me, word by word.

[Related Posting, "Courage to Speak", February 2, 2013; "I Will Not Be Silent", January 23, 2013. ].

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