Lent

" Jesus, filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the desert, where for forty days, he was tempted by the devil." [ Luke 4: 1-2].

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent. On this day, Catholics around the world attend Mass and receive ashes on their forehead in the sign of the cross. It is a sign of our repentance, a symbol of our deep commitment to the life of Christ.

This Lenten period of forty days is a commemoration of Jesus' obedience to God, when He is called into the desert by the Spirit, to undergo temptation by Satan.

In this desert, "the Devil said to Jesus, ' If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.'  Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live by bread alone.' " [Luke 4: 3-4].

As a child, I struggled to find the nurturing that I needed from my family. On the surface, this was about the meals that I was fed: cold, thick, lumpy oatmeal for breakfast. . ."stew" made out of thick, doughy gravy, four day old gray beef ,and roasted vegetables so left-over that they were shriveled and mushy. I would not eat this, I could not stomach it.

I was told, 'Eat it or you will be given nothing else.' I could not eat this rotten food without gagging. So I learned to go hungry. Before long, I realized that this was not a meal. It was a Test. It was the wielding of abusive power.

And so, I fasted at home. I refused food from them. I would not accept nourishment at the hands of those who would break my spirit. Food was their weapon of control. I realized I needed to eat, so I found food elsewhere, at the neighbor's, or in the school cafeteria.

In reality, I needed a lot more than their bread. I needed Love.

Then, "the devil led Jesus up to a high place and showed him all the kingdoms of the world. The devil said to Him, 'I can give you all their authority and splendor. . So if you worship me,  it will all be yours.' Jesus answered, ' It is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only. " [Luke 4: 5-8].

My family used to say, " We worship the Almighty Dollar." I would whisper to myself, " You mean, Almighty God."

My family threatened to withdraw tuition if I did not prepare for the corporate life on Wall Street. They painted a picture of all the power I would have, all the money and the splendors. But I did not want to become them. I dared desire to use the gifts that came from God.

To neutralize my family's threat, money had to become irrelevant to me. All the wealth in the world does not impress me. Who you are in Christ impresses me. Your life with God impresses me.

"The devil led Jesus to Jerusalem to the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God", he said, " throw yourself down from here, for it is written, 'He will command the angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands'. "  Jesus answered: " Do not put the Lord your God to the test." [Luke 4: 9-13].

The devil is saying here, 'Jesus, if you are so perfect, lift Yourself up.' My mother used to test me, saying, " Who do you think you are, that you are so 'perfect'?" I think she felt threatened that I did not seem to need her to lift me up.

Yet, despite their mockery, I did obey my parents, by studying business and finance. I did undergo this trial. While in graduate school, I was the victim of a violent crime. My parents left me in that far off city to cope alone. Heartbreakingly, it was not they who came to rescue me.

At my life and death moment, I prayed to God and He called forth His angels, He lifted me up into his arms and He healed me. Life threw me down, and it was God in His perfection, who rescued me.

Despite my wounds, I stayed in school and I graduated with honors. Right before my graduation, my mother called me a "failure".  You see how God had lifted me up and saved my life. And yet, my mother threw me down again. My prayer life with God became more important, even critical.

During Lent, we fast. I have learned to take as much nourishment from God as from earthly food.

During Lent, we give to the less fortunate. I have learned that money and power can be weapons against the humble.

During Lent, we pray. I have learned that human aid is healing, but only God can truly rescue us.

[Related Postings: " Fast", March 23, 2011; " Pray", April 5, 2011; " Live", April 10, 2011.]  


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