Here I am, Lord!

" The boy Samuel was lying down in the temple of the Lord, near the ark of God. Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, 'Here I am.' And he ran to Eli and said, 'Here I am, you called me.' But Eli said, 'I did not call you; go back and lie down.' So he went and lay down. Again the Lord called, 'Samuel!' And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, 'Here I am; you called me.'  'My son,' said Eli, 'I did not call; go back and lie down.' Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord: The word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. The Lord called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, 'Here I am; you called me.'  Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, 'Go to sleep and if you are called, reply, 'Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.' '  When Samuel went to sleep in his place, the Lord came and revealed his presence, calling out as before, 'Samuel, Samuel.' Samuel answered, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.' [1 Samuel 3: 1-11].

This Scripture is from the Old Testament, from before the time of Jesus. Eli was a high priest who kept watch in the innermost room of the temple, where the ark of God was safeguarded. Samuel was dedicated to the service of God by his mother, Hannah. Eli trained Samuel in the ways of the Lord.

It always amazes me how close to God that our children are. I remember when my son was very young, perhaps only age six or so. He had just begun his formal religious instruction at our church. He had learned about how God is very powerful and all present. One day, my son asked, "Where is God?' I said, "He is everywhere, but you cannot see Him."

My son wanted to know, "Does God have eyes to see me?" I said, no, but He is all seeing.

So my son went into another room and shouted out to me, "Can God see me now?!" I said, yes. He was amazed. Then he went to the pantry that has only one window. He asked," Can He see me now?" I said, yes. Then he went into the powder room, with no window and asked, "Can He see me now?" I said, yes! My son wanted to know, if he hid in the deepest corner of his closet, could God see Him? I said, yes!


We may object that we are too young to see God. I have found it to be the opposite. God is available to all of us. Many years ago now, I was attending church faithfully, but I had not challenged myself to find a church and actually join as a parishioner--not only to commit myself to attending Mass, but also to receiving Communion as a full member of a faith community.

It was my son who came to me, concerned! My dear boy was worried about my soul! He said, "Mommy, why don't you go up with us for Communion?"  I dithered and waffled. "Well", I said "I was not born into this denomination; I don't want to go back to the church of my original denomination, in which I was raised; and even if I did that I would have to attend church alone because you and Daddy go to this church; maybe someday I will figure all this out. . . ." My son was not buying this. Week after week, he persisted with his questions.

God can come to us in any form. Sometimes, God calls our children first! God sent my son, to gently nudge me to come nearer to Him. How could I say no to my own son? Here was my son who had called me, and my own son who, by sharing his religious lessons, was helping me to learn about God!

God waits for us to be ready to respond.  Samuel, at the time of this story, did not yet know the Lord. The Lord had not yet revealed Himself to him. Perhaps the Lord did not feel that Samuel was ready.

Before my young son spoke to me repeatedly about participating in the Eucharist, I had thought that I was doing the best that I could with my faith. I thought that attending Mass weekly, with him and my husband, was "good enough". I suppose I was not ready to take the next step in my faith.


When my son began speaking to me regularly about receiving Communion, I did not recognize that this was really God calling me! Then, my life fell apart. My father died abruptly. He was gone in minutes, before the ambulance even came. It fell to me as the daughter to care for my elderly mother. Just as I took her on, my best friend was dying from cancer, a virulent form of the disease. She had fought bravely for years.  She was a young wife and mother. I was devastated. I was angry, this was not fair!


I was totally upside down and backwards. I had lost my "compass". Often I did not even know what day it was. I thought God was "gone". Some wise soul gave me advice: "God is NOT gone. You must meditate and pray. Do not be afraid of the tears."

 As soon as I began to pray on a regular basis, God came back into my life. But I did not understand what He was saying. I kept "hearing" the words "Only say the Word and I shall be healed." This is the call to Communion. I kept hearing, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life". This is Jesus' call to follow Him! I kept trying to reject this nagging conviction that I needed to finally choose a church and receive Communion again.


God persisted with me. But it was not a shout or a cacophony of noise.  God comes to us in the quiet, and only if we are listening. It can be a poignant feeling.  A whisper. A gorgeous moment in nature. He appeals to our senses. He appeals to us in the way we are most susceptible to noticing.  He can appeal to you night and day, but you must recognize Him for who He is.


What I felt was such despair, that I was necessarily drawn to the only One much wiser, much gentler, much more merciful that anyone on earth. I needed that in my life then. I still do. I need the infinite, the unconditional love of the Holy One.


I also needed the assistance of  my son, of my pastor, of my Bible teacher, of my family, to recognize God.  Samuel could not recognize God alone.  We cannot recognize God alone.


We recognize God every time we attend Mass with our fellow Christians; every time we receive the Eucharist; every time we pray for someone; or with someone. And we have only to answer His call!


Every day now, I pray in the morning. It is a wonderful, peaceful way to begin the day. The first thing I say to God is, "Here I am, Lord! Let me do what You will!" And now I understand that I can never predict how or when He will call me!

(c) The Spiritual Devotional 2012. All Rights Reserved.